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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder whether a man can be raped?

180 replies

JazzAnnNonMouse · 24/08/2012 06:04

I do not mean Anally.

Reading the thread about rape being any form of non mutual enthusiasm (although I can't seem to put it so eloquently, sorry). I think it has opened my mind to what rape actually is.
I was wondering therefore can a man be raped because they have to have some enthusiasm to gain an erection. (unless drugged I guess?)

OP posts:
flatpackhamster · 26/08/2012 14:17

seeker

Flatpckhamster's selective quoting left out any reference to me acknowledging the sexual abuse of men as a reality, and any reference to the fact that I was this through as I typed.

Which does rather change the meaning and pitch of my post.

It doesn't change it at all. I left out the bit where you stated that it would be 'practically impossible' to convict a female rapist raping a man.

You claim not to mean any disrespect, but you're treating women who are raped as first class citizens, entitled to full protection from evil rapey men, and saying 'Oh, it's too hard to convict women of raping men so really, let's not bother'.

Your implication that women are the ones 'on the receiving end' of DV belittles all those beaten men, of course. And the attempts to classify DV as somehow different from day-to-day violence means that it's easy to place women as the victim, rather than accepting that men are far more likely to be injured by violence than women.

Do you not think that this Woman Is Victim mentality is counter to everything that feminism was always about? It used to be 'We can do it and we'll show everyone', now it's ""Woe is me, the evil menz are to blame for everything".

You are of course fully aware of the "powerful forces" I mean.

No, I think we'd all be interested to learn who you're talking about. The Illuminati? Reptiloids? The Masons? Zombie Nazis?

OneMoreChap · 26/08/2012 15:17

flatpackhamster Sun 26-Aug-12 14:17:51
Your implication that women are the ones 'on the receiving end' of DV belittles all those beaten men, of course.

Not wishing to pick holes, but according to Home Office guidelines DV doesn't just include assault or threatened assault. By their definitions, I suspect many men could say they have received DV.

I'll add I don't like the HO definition. At all.

seeker · 26/08/2012 16:32

My reference to men who have been sexually assaulted having trouble bringing a case to court was meant to mean that a sexual
Assault on a man would have an extra layer of distress because a man would be even less likely to be believed or sympathised with than a woman. Bad drafting on my part- deliberate misinterpretation on yours?

And are you suggesting that women arent more likely to be on the receiving end of dv than men?

SigmundFraude · 26/08/2012 16:39

You are of course fully aware of the "powerful forces" I mean.

You still haven't answered this ^^. Also, DV statistics show that it's split almost 50/50.

Redline · 05/10/2012 04:43

Yes in short; If you define rape as it should be defined (equally for both sexes) in terms of control & not physical features of our bodies (which IMO is how English law gets around admitting Men can be & are raped by women for reasons I know not) being the defining issue in rape? Then it becomes an issue whereby the rapist is taking something from their victim (control of their body) & having sexual intercourse with them without their consent? I'd say that pretty much is rape whatever sex the victim is.

More to the point? I speak with knowledge on this as thinking back over the 6 years of hell the evil sorceress my ex'-fiancee put me through? There was more than one occasion when she raped me by that definition. A number of times I 'interacted' (read had sex) with her in bed as she threatened to hit me/tell lies about me to her family re' us arguing & a couple of others? I got tired/felt wrong & asked her to stop & she didn't - I let her finish until we both you know.....But after? I felt tired, worn-out, uncomfortable & a physical wreck.

That? Was nothing like I normally did with her..........:( Sorry not easy talking about this - I've never written it before as a man Also? I woke up once & she was initiating sex with me & hadn't asked me - That night of all nights? I'd just been getting over being ill so she knew I was in no state for sex but went ahead anyway. In truth? I never really trusted or enjoyed sex with her after the first such of those incidents never mind the others but we grew into a 'rut' together & eventually she stopped doing that when I told her how it was turning me off her & I wanted some say In what I did/didn't do with her - I guess I never thought of it as what I'm calling it now but looking back? These instances probably were Rape as I had no control in what I did in/during & certainly by the end of them all.

As I said? I never wanted to call those instances what they now clearly were but they were rape IMO in all but name under English law anyway. Not just that either - there were many, many other issues in our relationship & I hope to God they've not damaged our DS (whose now 3 & the light of our lives) going forward -he heard us argue often (about money usually), she was EA & committed DV against me knowing I'd not strike back & was (am) in a physical state due to an op' that nearly killed me 7 years back as well & she told (& tells) so many lies & has issues with who she trusts? It just became impossible to live with her in the end. Not sorry it's ended except for not seeing my little boy regularly now but that's another (longer) story for another time.............

In answer to the OP though & the question posed? YANBU - Men can be raped by women as it is just as possible for them to take our control away about whether we have sex sometimes - maybe not as often as men can (& do I know; I've read a lot of the accounts on here & they're sick at times - I'm often ashamed to be a man at times in truth :( ) with women but the issue of female on male rape? Does exist & it does go on - I know for certain - it's happened to me more than 7 times; Since I speak from bitter & painful experience? The overall answer is yes.

My dark secret is out now - I've written it And I never not ever thought I'd do that. I hope all such rape by anyone on anyone stops soon - it's a horrible thing to describe & still worse to experience; And that's something? I thought I'd never write as I was never going to tell a single soul about this - Feels odd having written it like this but 'tis the effect of MN? I think? Couldn't hide it any longer & just everything came out at a flood - sorry if my experiences or describing them upsets anyone? Is what happened to me was all; I just hope this horrid crime ends soon or is wiped out. We can but hope I guess..............:(

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