to be baffled why so many parents automatically give their DCs the fathers surname?

[mackereltin]

It baffles me as women have come so far in the last century but the one thing that still seems to be very much the norm is giving the fathers surname to children. It doesn't seem to be questioned very much by society in general but for me it just seems to be one of the biggest symbols of patriachy. Or am I just going on? :)

I'm particularly thinking about married couples as I know lots of unmarried couples double barrell. I'm genuinely interested to hear peoples point of view on this - AIBU?

I agree op, we said decided that we would use mine for girls and his for boys.

I can't wait to get married and lose my worthless father's surname.

I was jesting about the quadruple barreling

But I'd still like to know what 2 people do when they marry/have kids and both the adults have double barrel surnames?

I suspect it might be a case of "Ip dip doo...the cat's got the flu" etc....

Wiggypigs, just change your name. It's not that difficult. You don't need to wait till you get married.

YES YANBU i have always thought that children should have their mothers name. I think if your married then it's fine to all have the chosen married name but if your not it is better for the child to have the mothers name. So many people split up nowadays and stastically the children tend to stay with the mother so then you get situations where siblings have different dads and different surnames, one child with a different name to everyone else in their family etc, it would be much nicer if they just all had their mothers name.

What's wrong with taking your husband's name when you get married and giving your children the same?? It's traditional, not a major crime against feminism fgs! I honestly can't understand why any woman wouldn't want herself and her children to have her husband's name.

Hang on, no-one is suggesting that kids automatically get the mother's surname. The question is why do they automatically get the mans?

When DP & I had this discussion I was very clear that I wasn't demanding DC got mine, as that would be equally unreasonable. I wanted us to come up with a way to decide that was fair (and went with sex of child)

Maybe HappyAsChips because she's secure in her own identity and sees no reason to change her name?

I kept my name, ds1 has the same name as me and I didn't want him to feel left out. Ds2 will have both our names.

And what's wrong with your husband and kids taking your surname?

YABU OP. I feel sorry for fathers. Don't they get a say?

HappyAsChips, I just wanted not to change my surname. It's not a big deal.

Happyaschips - you ask why a woman wouldn't want herself and her children to have her husband's name. To answer:

1. it is my name. I wouldn't change my surname any more than I would change my first name.
2. It may be traditional, but so are lots of things, and traditions change with time.
3. There is no good (in my opinion) reason to take the man's name
4. To me, having the same surname does not a family make.

There may be more....

happy because I already did that once and it turned out badly. I changed my name before we were divorced and swore I would never change it again. I don't need to have his last name, he wouldn't take mine so why should I take his!

Your maiden name isn't really yours though is it for most people? It's your father's name and his father before him and so on. So you either give your kids their grandfather's name or their father's name- makes more sense to be named after their own father.
Only a name you make up for yourself is truly yours.

LST I don't think you get it. Her question is asking why the father's name is generally always given precedence.

No need to feel sorry for the fathers!

I chose to have DD1 have my surname. I didn't want to have different names to my children especially if we split. Plus knew evil MIL would have loved me being the 'odd one out'. Eventually we married and both changed to DH as it is the 'done thing' and his mother would have had an almighty strop. I do wish I had kept my maiden name though..

I would want future kids to either take my name or double barrel one part of my surname with DP/DH's surname (or one part of his if, heaven forfend, he was a double barreler too). Or make a whole new one.

just out of curiosity, is there anyone here who had a double-barrelled name when they married or had children? did you/your children get both your names or did you just take your husbands/give the kids their fathers name? just interested really. also do you use both names day-to-day or just chose one.

A friend of mine has a double barrelled name and when she got married she and her husband used one element of her surname and his surname to make a whole new double barrelled name. No kids yet.

My husband and I doubled barrelled our names as neither of us wanted to lose our surname (he tried using the argument that he's been hisname for thirty years, totally dismissing the fact that I'd been myname for forty years)! But he wanted us to have the same name and I was happy to add his name to mine. Our daughter has the same name as us.

As far as which name to use - for official stuff its the full thing, for ordering pizza delivery, booking a table or signing for a parcel I use my old name as its quicker and easier

Well, I gave my DC their fathers name as I plan to have his name also when we marry soon. I can't wait to get rid of my name and lose the connection that it brings, to a certain twat who ruined a huge chunk of my life.

It was a no brainer for me.

I know my surname is my father's surname. I said that above. But I'm comfortable keeping it rather than changing it.

The DCs are a separate argument. Again, I'm not really that fussed - no-one owns them. Names are labels in their world.

My DC have DH's surname (we weren't married when they were born) because I didn't feel any particular attachment to my maiden name and knew we'd eventually get round to marrying and I would have his name too. So now we all have the same name. Not really sure why it is the done thing for the father's name to be used rather than the mother's. Each to their own though.

If and when I have any kids with DH, they will be getting our surname.

I did take his no body can spell it properly surname upon marriage in favour of keeping my own common as muck surname and whilst I don't regret the decision I do miss MY name.

I could have kept it and seriously considered it, but I hate the title Ms and if I was going to be a Mrs, which I wanted to be, I wanted to be Mrs NewName not Mrs Oldname like my mum and many sil's.

However because of this, any child of ours will be getting my maiden name as a middle name, don't care how wanky it makes me either!

I have taken my dh surname so naturally the dcs take his too. Nothing wrong with that, dh sounds much posher

If I'd have been married or in a stable relationship when I had ds he'd have took his dad's name but as I was never with his dad, I gave him my surname as I knew he'd always be living with me (his dad is k waste of space).