to be baffled why so many parents automatically give their DCs the fathers surname?

[mackereltin]

It baffles me as women have come so far in the last century but the one thing that still seems to be very much the norm is giving the fathers surname to children. It doesn't seem to be questioned very much by society in general but for me it just seems to be one of the biggest symbols of patriachy. Or am I just going on? :)

I'm particularly thinking about married couples as I know lots of unmarried couples double barrell. I'm genuinely interested to hear peoples point of view on this - AIBU?

Because Mummy's baby, Daddy's maybe.

A name makes him feel more secure

Where I work/live, if babies have the Mother's surname it is usually assumed the father isn't known/around so I expect a lot of people do it to avoid the judging.

You're wondering why people give their children the father's surname when they are married to each other?
Assuming the woman took the husband's name, it would only be natural (in my opinion) to give the children the same surname, then the whole family's the same.
I personally don't understand why, as a family unit, people would want to all be called different names. I'm traditional like that.
I got married, took my husband's name, and then had children, who automatically took the same name as us.
It wouldn't have occurred to me to do it any other way. Why get married, take husbands name, then give your children a different name?
That just sounds strange to me. We're a family, and it's a sense of unity to all share the same name in my opinion.

My dad was a prick, but I did still consider keeping my name and naming children after my name as it was now MY name.

IN the end personal reasons won out and I took dh's and let the kids. Certain unusual circumstances led to dh desperately wanting his own family with HIS name. So in the end love and personal issues felt more important then my feminist leanings. Don't regret it despite dh having a rubbish name

Sam not everyone now takes their husbands name though, they keep their own or double barrel. Seems pretty common place so the op wonders why you would do that and still not give your name to your child

TalHotBrunette, If the father isn't known, how could the children be named after him?

Maybe lots of women keep out names because we are known professionally by them.

mrsterrypratchet that is a good point

My Asian friend has her fathers first name as her middle name and her fathers surname.

now that she's married, her daughter has her fathers middle name and surname.

She's a very modern career girl: she doesn't have a problem with it.

What's wrong with the tradition.

our names ffs

My maiden name is 9 letters, 3 syllables, my husband's name is 5 letters, 1 syllable.
Mine was less common with several spelling options.

Much easier to pronounce and spell.

And, of course, he is the man, the hairy-chested hunter-gatherer
(good job he's not or we'd have starved long ago!)

squoosh I know exactly what she's asking. No need to be so patronising.

I still feel sorry for fathers that children have the grandfathers name over his. They are his children too after all.

Lots of families in the UK have a tradition where they have different surnames. They often show a great deal of unity.

Mine have my maiden name as an extra middle name. We all have DHs surname and are happy to do so. We are one family.

It depends on the country does it not. Spain for example you must have to last names one from the fathers family name and the other the mothers family. Creating a double barrel if you don't have the country estate to go with it is as worraliberty said, rather w....

LST Hmm, are you sure you get it? Most children have their father's surname. Who exactly are you feeling sorry for??

They are her children too after all.

I still feel sorry for fathers that children have the grandfathers name over his. They are his children too after all.

I'm pretty sure my OH is going to laugh at you when he reads this.

Why on earth is his name his name, and yet mine is apparently my father's name? Good grief.

I kept my name when I married, our children are all double barrelled, my name first but just because it flows better that way. I don't particularly like double barrelled names but they are part of both of us and it seemed right that they should have both names. It amazes me how many women still in 2012 change their names when they marry, it seems so dated to me, but if that's what makes them happy....

I remember a midwife saying to me she wished more women would give their children the mothers name as it makes it so much easier to trace people. Also should a split happen more often than not the child stays with the mother often with a name unconnected to anyone they live with.

My cousin has had four different last names, she is now back using her own original name. Her two children have both had three different last names (under 18) I don't know what they use now. Watching her was a real lesson for me- never change your name! Although I fully expect my children to drop one half of their last name when they are older.

when a baby was out of wedlock they always use to mother name some the father name would be middle name

it normal up to 60s 70s
but then living together became what most people did and kids started taking their father names with maybe their mother as a middle name

Your children will have YOUR fathers name. They won't have anything in their name to do with their actual father.
That better for you?

Craic - DH had to pick 3 letters out of his 5...

Dd has df's surname. As eventually we intend to get married and I will take his name. His name doesnt really go with my surname mine goes better with his.

Dd's name also would sound silly with my surname.

You aren't going to like this.

I'm married. I have my husbands name. It is our family name. Our family eg children share that name, it shows they are part of a family. Children in families are shown to be more stable, secure, have less MH problems, better success academically and in the work place. They enjoy that security.

Told you you wouldn't like it. But of course there will be a plethora of SMs out there who buck the statistical trend.

Double barrelled names are now a social indicator that the parents aren't married as opposed to once 'posh'.

squoosh hmmm yes I do. I feel sorry for the fathers who have no say in how their own children are named.

LST the fact remains that most children are given their father's name. Why are you getting so het up about people who choose to disregard this naming tradition?

LST if they have their fathers name, they wont have anything to do with their actual mother in their name.

mine have a double barrel surname, my name - dp's name, its sounds better that way. they are happy with it, my mil was not but they arent her children.