to be baffled why so many parents automatically give their DCs the fathers surname?

[mackereltin]

It baffles me as women have come so far in the last century but the one thing that still seems to be very much the norm is giving the fathers surname to children. It doesn't seem to be questioned very much by society in general but for me it just seems to be one of the biggest symbols of patriachy. Or am I just going on? :)

I'm particularly thinking about married couples as I know lots of unmarried couples double barrell. I'm genuinely interested to hear peoples point of view on this - AIBU?

Jumpingthroughmorehoops, Double barrelled names are now a social indicator that the parents aren't married as opposed to once 'posh

We have a double-barreled surname and have been married for almost 30 years, so if you are making judgements like that you are wrong. Not that we are posh either . I personally feel that if you don't have the commitment to each other to get married then you shouldn't be having children together, but I know that's a no-no on MN.

elephantsandmiasma I so agree with you. This stupid argument comes up again and again. My kids are all grown up and talking about getting married. They will all make their own decisions - with their new spouse - what they plan to be called. And unlike my MIL I will not make an enormous fuss and threaten to disown them if they dare to choose a different option to me :(

While I'm on a roll, the old "your father's name" chestnut comes up again and again. I spent 20 years identifying myself by my name. I've never much liked my first name but I'm very attached to my surname. It is unusual, and all the people in the UK that carry it are related to me. I also like the association of being X's DD, as my father was very well known.

My option at getting married then was to change my name, to keep my hated first name and take on an anonymous surname. I am not Mrs DHname. That is his mother's name, and the name of 2 SILs (and now a NIL as well, with more to come). His name is common, with no association to anything. So for the same reason that lots choose to lose their name, I chose to keep mine. We DB when DC1 was born.

What I find baffling is that so many women choose to have children without being married, and then give them their DP's name. Makes no sense to me at all.

I wasn't married when DD1 was born but gave her DH's surname because it was easier to spell and pronounce than mine, which although British, seems to baffle most people. I do sometimes regret it though. I did think about changing my surname at one point to something completely different and made up but couldn't be bothered in the end.

I used to have my surname followed by DH's on my passport but changed it last time round to mine only, as it wouldn't fit on plane tickets! Had a stand up row with an official at the passport office in Victoria, who tried to tell me I couldn't, but that is another story. I have never used DH's surname (apart from the passport thing).