to be baffled why so many parents automatically give their DCs the fathers surname?

[mackereltin]

It baffles me as women have come so far in the last century but the one thing that still seems to be very much the norm is giving the fathers surname to children. It doesn't seem to be questioned very much by society in general but for me it just seems to be one of the biggest symbols of patriachy. Or am I just going on? :)

I'm particularly thinking about married couples as I know lots of unmarried couples double barrell. I'm genuinely interested to hear peoples point of view on this - AIBU?

When you think about it, your maiden name is usually your Dad's surname. So for those who kept their maiden name because they don't think it's right to automatically take a man's surname...you've already done it really.

Very good points Elephants

just out of curiosity, is there anyone here who had a double-barrelled name when they married or had children? did you/your children get both your names or did you just take your husbands/give the kids their fathers name? just interested really. also do you use both names day-to-day or just chose one.
sorry to de-rail thread.

But worra lots of women grow up without a father and have their mother's surname. Ok it's probably their grandfather's name originally but still, not everyone goes from Dad's name to Husband's name.

Well yes Worra, but you didn't have choice in that, you were given that name and (presumably) have always had it. Ergo it is your name. It's the then changing it a different name that strikes me as surprising (I have always said I would never change my first name to DP's, so why would I change my surname! )

I was not with my ex when i gave birth so i gave ds my surname but now i am married we all have the same surname

When you think about it, your maiden name is usually your Dad's surname. So for those who kept their maiden name because they don't think it's right to automatically take a man's surname...you've already done it really

yes to this in general we all have mens names dont we, although my friends daughters (they are older) changed their own names to their mums maiden name after the dad left and stopped visiting and getting in touch, I think one of them got it for an 18th birthday present as that is what she wanted

exactly elephants - and fergus has already shown her regret at that. :(

How do men get their surnames? Oh yes, from their fathers...

I find it odd that so many people don't think there's anything to discuss. Surely, they've heard the debates about taking husband's name and what the children are called. It's one of those things that makes you realise that you live in a parallel universe to the rest of MN.

Indeed, Worra. Tis so.

I took XH's name. And I'm keeping it.

It wasn't unthinking, I feel no connection with my previous name, it was my father's.

I now use Ms. If I ever have more kids, they'll have this name too, as as far as I'm concerned, it's as much mine as anyone's!

Worra - yes, but I've had that surname all my life, so it's my surname more than it is dad's surname :)

My surname is so absolutely my dad's surname. He's always banging on about it.

I think I am in over my neck with this debate as i get tangled up when trying to talk about femminist issues

Worra:

1. It may be your dad's name (or it may not of course) but at least it's your name, that you've always had. It's not like your dad spontaneously decides to change your name depending on how he's feeling that morning. It's what you get when you're born.

2. Obviously people aren't going to quadruple barrel unless they're utterly mad.

No much wonder the OP hasn't returned. She's had a lot of unnecessary bolshy answers to a perfectly reasonable question.

Richard Grosvenor Plunkett-Ernle-Erle-Drax. (!!!!!!)

Tory toffish type was advised to change his name to Richard Drax to be more like the plebs.

No sane person would ever double barrel mine and DP's surname - it would make a ridiculous name, DP's works better with more end consonants than mine and, it meant I could finish arguments about first names by saying, but really I should get to pick because they have your last name, lol

So the DC have his surname and me and the pets have mine - I hope that that means if we split up he gets two surly teenagers and I get two very sweet cats and a puppy

He makes the Anstruther-Gough-Calthorpe family look positively peasant like.

Even if you marry and choose not to take your husbands surname why should it then become the default position for any child to have the mums name?

Mens role in parenthood are being eroded and this is just another sign of it.

Is it really cantspel?????

If you give the mothers surname then surely most of the time the child is just being given their maternal grandfathers surname.....so why the big fuss.

It's no.more fair to always default to Mums surname either.
Just make a up a surname for your child so there is no argument over fairness.[grin ]

Really don't get why so many people are defending their choices on this. Taking a man's name hardly singles you out as a downtrodden victim of patriarchal diktats. Call yourself and your kids what you want, it's your name and you have to live with it.

My DP has a double-barrelled surname, both parts of which are quite long. He won't "drop" a name in favour of mine ("They're both my name; that's like me making you pick one syllable of yours!"), so it's caused some pretty colourful hypothetical discussions. Ultimately I'd want us and whatever progeny we produce to all have the same name more than to keep my own, so I'll change when the time comes.

Triple-barrelling isn't an option...!

God damn you equality and freedom of choice for eroding men's role in their children's lives!