to make my husband promise not to take coke at a party.

[merryplopppins]

Longish story will try to keep it brief.

My husband very occasionally indulges in a few lines of coke at parties. In my younger days I also did (bearing in mind this was pre kids) However, I feel that at 40 years old, he really ought to knock this kind of thing on the head. I am especially concerned as he has recently been under investigation for palpatations. I work in the medical field and I know how dangerous it is to mix alcohol with cocaine, in my opinion he would be completely irresponsble risking a heart attack when we have two small children to consider.
We spoke at length about this tonight, or rather i did. I gave him a long lecture and made him promise he would not take anything. To which he replied "well I won't buy any" This of course means he will have some if there is some going around.

Anyway now he is hardly speaking to me as we had a huge row about me trying to control what he does etc. etc. I am sure you can imagine.
Well AIBU???? Cos i bloody well don't think so!

No, what is a 'bit much' is everything that you said.

What IF it was a one off?

What if he gave ALL that up, alcohol, Class A's everything to be a devoted, hard working father who puts his children before himself day in day out (this is for arguements sake because we never know, he could be like the this...) but for one night while his children were home and safe he did 1 ir 2 lines, his whole family should divide?

Yes. Harsh anyfucker

CustardCreeem, I've heard of plenty of married fathers dying of heart conditions, especially when a pre-existing medical problem is exacerbated by other factors - in this case, it's possible that coke use could be an aggravating factor. Most people don't do things like smoke, drink to excess, drive dangerously thinking they're going to die - they do it because they are an addict, or think they are invincible, or choose not to think about whether it will affect their health . Ignoring the risks doesn't make them vanish.

And why on earth do you have to have done something to be at liberty to express an opinion on it ? I've never been a drink driver, but I am perfectly at liberty to say that it's a fucking irresponsible , selfish and dangerous thing to do.

agree with Custard. i know plenty of good parents, hold down good professional jobs that take drugs on every now and then

this is the problem in this country we get so hysterical about drugs, we need to accept they are part of society most of our children will try and deal with that and educate safety rather than they kill, everyone who tries becomes an addict and so on

i will never forget my bro coming to collect us, me and two 4 year olds, from the station to take us to visit his very posh future MIL, and thinking it was quite OK to be flinging his car around corners, burning up narrow country lanes, sniffing furiously and talking offensive shite at the top of his voice.....and then acting surprised that i knew exactly what he was on and making out that I had the problem......
so anyone who says '''oooh I have no problems with a few lines of coke" should think again......
not to mention the misery and death it creates in south and central america but that's another topic.

Yes very harsh.

I know for a FACT that if he had two pints and a line of coke, he would come home in a much more coherant state than most mothers I know who drink a few bottles of wine when they go out. So what does it matter really?

If he is storing copious amounts of cocaine in OPs house, different story, thats wrong.

And all you people who say 'he is using the family's money', shhh! If he spent the same amount on beer you would not care!

well, it certainly divides opinions

pro-drug taking

against drug taking

there aren't really any extenuating circumstances are there ?

just because his kids are not actually witnessing the drug taking, doesn't mean it doesn't exist

that would be an exceptionally naive way to excuse it

although I do agree with freudianslipper on some level.
I am not going to be able to stop my teenage son smoking weed, or even more, but at least I can educate him to reduce danger.

Melanie, fair enough. But OP isnt complaining because he wants to drive her kids around whist high on coke. So it is not at all relevant.

and I have educated him that cocaine is for arsepieces and wankers.

yes but custard, who knows?
perhaps he will think it is OK next time?
it is the breathtaking arrogance of cokeheads that is scary.

I think the OP would be dramatically different if her husband was doing things like driving the children around whilst high.

Its actually about the consumption of it considering his health condition as well as his wife asking that he doesn't.

He's being disrespectful to you IMO. He knows his actions offend you yet he is still prepared to go ahead.

YANBU

maybe rather than telling him about the health aspects, tell him how unatractive and unsexy you find it when people take coke and think they are so cool and interesting but are actually boring everyone with their overbearing talking and coke egos....

But the OP didn't say he was offended by a lecture, only that he felt she was trying to control him.

I sort of agree that a) you can't lecture grownups b)that yabu trying to change him and c) that grown men taking drugs is pathetic

But then what do I know? As far as I am concerned anyone taking illegal drugs is pathetic anyway and I would never marry someone who thought that "doing a line" was cool.

good one songline

what about if it was weed....?
how would people here react to that?
is it the illegality or the effect that offend?
btw OP, coke and alcohol and middle aged men is very very dangerous, i am sure you know, and if he doesn't want to keep himself alive for his family, then that's a bit crap really.

YANBU. Your dh is an idiot. I would have no respect for a man who did what he is contemplating doing.

Am slightly surprised at the implied view here that occasional cocaine use is 'safe'. It is actually very well known to cause cardiac arrests and arrythmias even without long term use or overdose. Using cocaine with a background of palpitations is actually extremely foolish.

but then if the tables were turned and he were telling you, say,not to drink wine, then there'd be a load of cries of 'patriarchy' etc....

It's the complete abdication of responsibility that would bother me. He has a family now, and a known medical condition, yet his priority is putting his party needs first to show what a rebel he is.

The fact is that cocaine is illegal. It's irrelevant whether we get our knickers in a twist - but his employers probably have an opinion on it, and any criminal conviction that might result. And that would impact on his family - but he isn't willing to consider consequences.

Yes, it can seem so but if you feel strongly enough about something and it continually falls upon deaf ears....

I think he has more of an issue of feeling controlled.