to make my husband promise not to take coke at a party.

[merryplopppins]

Longish story will try to keep it brief.

My husband very occasionally indulges in a few lines of coke at parties. In my younger days I also did (bearing in mind this was pre kids) However, I feel that at 40 years old, he really ought to knock this kind of thing on the head. I am especially concerned as he has recently been under investigation for palpatations. I work in the medical field and I know how dangerous it is to mix alcohol with cocaine, in my opinion he would be completely irresponsble risking a heart attack when we have two small children to consider.
We spoke at length about this tonight, or rather i did. I gave him a long lecture and made him promise he would not take anything. To which he replied "well I won't buy any" This of course means he will have some if there is some going around.

Anyway now he is hardly speaking to me as we had a huge row about me trying to control what he does etc. etc. I am sure you can imagine.
Well AIBU???? Cos i bloody well don't think so!

YANBU to not want him to take cocaine.
YANBU if you wanted him to see that for himself.

YABU if you expect an adult to respond well to a 'lecture'.

As ever, you cannot ultimately make him do/not do anything; you can only think about how YOU want to respond to whatever he choses to do/not do.

of course you cannot control what this sad drug-user does

but you do have control over whether you want to be with a dickhead like this

40yo father of two still snorting coke?

run a fucking mile

give up on the "lectures", you will simply be seen as the boring, joy-sucking wife who wants to spoil his fun

take you, and your kids, out of it

you won't listen though, I expect

you will just nag him, and he will rebel

what a fucked-up way to live

hoiw many children do you have again ?....

i giggled at that didn't david cameron dabble once upon a time

As somebody said elsewhere: Leave the basket .

Sorry, I've had , but made my larf in the midst of a serious thread.
AF talks sense as ever.

Some of the people who have commented make me laugh.

If you have never taken any drugs at all, I don't think you are at liberty to comment, because you have no idea what you are talking about tbh.

This is a grown man, he obviously wouldn't be doing it if he thought he was going to DIE. When is the last time you heard of a married father dying from snorting one or two lines of coke??

Jesus, everybody needs to chill out and accept that people do take drugs, not everybody that does is a heroin addict, and that it is possible to be a casual coke snorter and still be a very good father and husband.

OP, I get why youre mad, but you're right, you don't control him, so stop trying to.

For the record, I have not touched an illegal substance or even a cigarette for 11 years.

Coke doensn't so much cause heart problems, but sudden death.
Which admittedly, is a problem .

Stupid man.

I wouldn't lecture-just tell him straight that 40yr olds taking coke are pathetic and you won't go if he can't promise.

OP has at least grown up and stopped.

RaspberrySorbet Im with you. Massive overreaction.

Two people who take drugs together, one changes her mind and suddenly feels she has the right to 'lecture' the other for his choices?

Anybody telling OP to leave her husband needs to relax! Thats a horrible thing to say. And completely ridiculous.

people change

what I did, pre kids, has no bearing on what I do now

are some of you indulging this twat thinking that OP's life should change but there is no reason why his should ?

would you care to examine that further ?

giggled at that didn't david cameron dabble once upon a time
course he didmay have, it's a rich entitled wanker's drug.
Like I said, subsitute 'heroin' for 'cocaine' and then check the reactions.

Bit much anyfucker.

I would examine a 40yo father of two's failure to change as a sad reflection on him, not on me

and act accordingly

cocaine is for the young and fancy free (and for those with money to burn)

he has young children

he never has money to burn snort up his nose

I can't get worked up about a few lines of coke.

To me the bigger issue is that this is important to you and the family as a whole so he should be taking it seriously based on those grounds.

I think you just need to work out how (think back to other issues) to get through to him. A good friend of mine turns on the tears, she could lecture her dh for days, but a few tears and he concedes. I tend to bollock DH but I think he quite enjoys it

ducks what's a "bit much"

to expect a 40yo father of two to take some responsibilty ?

and not to hide behind "I won't buy it, but if there's some going...."

it's pathetic

Amen

heroin is a very different drug coke just makes you feel good and confident act a bit twatish as in you have too much to say for yourself or can make you feel pretty crap if you take too much heroin takes you to another world

He does take responsibility?? He is a father, OP is not calling his parenting skills into question!

He has as much right to snort a few lines of coke as any mother does to get wasted on wine on a night out with the girls! Just because one drug is legal and another is not does not negate the effects of them!

ok

cocaine is the same as a few glasses of wine

it's an argument