To want to stand in the middle of the shops and scream 'stop fucking staring at him'

[DozyDuck]

I won't. I've just had enough. DS has ASD. He has a regression at 3.5 he lost all his skills. He's now losing skills again at a rapid pace. I'm worried sick.

In McDonald's today after riding lesson he was making his autistic noises and two teenage girls were staring at him, pointing and laughing . I know they're just kids but it hurt. I opted for a hard state but they just laughed more so I ignored them.

Then on the way home I nipped into the corner shop, where all the shop assistants know us, he's usually fine there but now in the midst of another fucking horrible regression he can't seem to handle it there at all. He was shrieking and pulled a tin off the shelf and I was holding his hands in the queue to stop him (we had run out of milk I had no choice but to go) and some older woman was staring at him and shaking her head.

I wanted to shout at her 'what the actual fuck do you want me to do? He doesn't understand words, doesn't feel pain, I'm trying my hardest!'

I opted for standing in the queu and breaking down in tears.

Luckily the shop assistants came over and said I should ignore them not let people like that bother me etc etc.

I feel like i am now at breaking point and I had better not even leave the house because I just want to shout at them all to get on with it and leaVe us alone. Which will only make them think I'm someone who can't even control myself.

Just leave me alone.

Loads of documentaries, but sometimes they do encourage the gawp, point and stare at the freakshow people, even when the makers don't intend to.
Others just stare because they don't know what else to do.
I posted this last year:

'Going back to my car from a supermarket shop, having left DS 17 in the car because he doesn't like being crowded.
But he wasn't in the car, so I had a look around. He was outside the other doors with a woman who was in tears and holding onto a flailing and screeching child and a full trolley. So I went over to find out what he'd done.
Turns out he was helping, he'd said that he'd take her trolley to her car and unload it for her if she could manage her son. When she burst into tears and said that he was OK but autistic and overloaded, DS had apparently said
'I'm an Aspie, I know what a meltdown feels like, so let me help.'
So she did, and DS packed her stuff in the boot beautifully whilst I waited in the car.
So he saw a need and responded appropriately, independently.
He's doing that more and more nowadays. Hurrah!'

Oops, posted too soon.
Having a disability that results in odd behaviour can bring out the LCD in some people, and the best in others. Educating people, pulling judgy or mocking people up on their responses is one of the ways we can change things, but it's so hard when you have to do it so frequently.

Fallen what a lovely story! Your DS sounds like such a lovely lovely soul!

I do see children like DS out and about and when DS is coping and they aren't I feel like I want to do something but I just smile really.

The other week in tesco DS was happily riding in the trollie and we were going out and a mother and grandmother and a little boy were coming in, little boy was about 5. He was having a meltdown presumably because he couldn't push the trollie but was obviously non verbal, I glanced over and the grandmother fixed me with a hard 'don't fuck with us' stare till I smiled and DS started flapping away and echoing his noises.

She said 'how do you make him sit in the trollie?' and I said 'pot luck, he's having a good day' sometimes it's nice to know you aren't the only one while our and about.

I have a nice tesco story. The horrible faceless store which many people despise. I had to go to the other day. DS had run out of rice cakes and he needed them. So off we went to get the rice cakes. DS in trollie, all fine, until some woman stared at him, 'eyes, eyes' he said then had a total meltdown.

I tried to get to the checkout as fast as possible but DS got hold of my hair and started pulling it out, I got his hands but was stuck there for what felt like forever. Then I heard a voice say 'do you need some help love or are you dealing with it' I said 'please help' and he got DSs hands out of my hair and I calmed DS, thanking the man over and over.

I was then stood at the tills, DS calm now but obviously ready to blow, I was stood far away from the lady packing the bags and didn't move forward or she would be in his 'space'

Then someone queued behind me and said 'can you move forward please?' I said 'I'm sorry I really can't please understand' not even looking at her as I was concentrating on DS, they then proceeded to stare at us possibly trying to work out why I wouldn't move forward I don't know.

The woman moved off and I moved forward and they continues to stare. Then suddenly DS noticed 'eyes eyes' he said and proceeded to bite into me. I carried on packing until the check out lady said 'are you ok?' at which point I said 'yes he has au...auu....auu' then burst into tears.

She came out from behind the till, gave me a hug, called over another lady who came and took my trollie while I got DS and walked me to my car and unpacked my shopping for me.

I've never been so embarrassed and thankful for anything.

In fact is there a way I can email tesco to tell them about this? They were so helpful!

Fallen you must have been so proud of your DS.

Dozy
I have three with ASDs. Good days and bad days. I have adopted the "It's rude to stare" sentence in the past. Most people stop.

i have a ds2 who has sn the stares i get as hes in a mac major elite ,also he makes lots of noises i just ask them if they not seen anyone with sn and just stare at them ,when my dd1 whos 20 comes with me they get the sharp edge of her tounge :)

'In fact is there a way I can email tesco to tell them about this? They were so helpful!'

Contact the customer service at the store, try and remember the day and the time.
I always follow up if someone has gone above and beyond for no reason other than they are decent human beings.
DS still has his moments, but yes. I am having more reasons to be proud of him than worried or pissed-off and many parents of teens can't say that!

I did post a few years back about him saying to an elderly neighbour in a bad winter ;
Don't be stupid, you are too old to walk in the snow and you are going to fall over again. Hold onto me and I will walk, I like the snow, I'm good at this.'
as he escorted her to her door. She saw the heart behind the rudeness thankfully!

Just emailed customer service! I remember the date but not the time, except I think it was the afternoon... Possibly haha.

Fallen your boy sounds absolutely wonderful no wonder you are proud .

Fallen your son sounds lovely.

I know where you're coming from dozyduck. Sometimes I say something to starers and sometimes I know if I do I'll get upset so I don't. People really should think.

Urgh remembering so many things now. DS was on a ride once in the park. One of them little fair rides that goes round and round and costs stupid money for about 2 minutes anyway all the attendants know him and he didn't want to get off the ride but I managed to get him off and was walking him to his buggy when everyone else started moving forward blocking the exit. I couldn't get past as was terrified DS was going to kick out and hit one of the toddlers. I ended up standing up and looking a man straight in the face and said 'could you give me some room please I'm sure you can see I am struggling with a disabled child'

He looked suitably embarrassed and everyone backed up.

The ride wasn't going anywhere!

I have mouthed 'don't stare' at adults having a good old gawp in the past.

Teenage girls are the worst I find. I have developed 'a look'.

At 6 months pregnant at the end of the most hideous ferry journey on the cramped sea cat frm Dublin to Wales I did almost lamp the father of two perfect NT kids who dared to shake his head at me.

It's a good job he wasn't closer or he would have had a mouthful - and I am really NOT like that at all.

That was 8 years ago and I'm feeling angry remembering it

DozyDuck I'm sorry you needed to start this thread but I'm glad you did, partly because people have been so nice to you and that's rather heart warming, but also because it has been an education to me and probably lots of other people like me who don't have children with SN.

Last year at the 'beach' in town (massive sand pit) a girl DSs age was staring at him and he was doing a good
Job ignoring her, until she walked right up and pointed in his face and said something to her mum. DS slapped her hand away and carried on (a very very minor reaction for DS to staring) and I said well done for not getting cross DS but no hitting' and took one toy away because of the hit (the behaviour technique of the time) the mum then said to me 'you need to chastise that child!'

I said, it's rude to stare anyway but my child is autistic and staring hurts him, he's been told off, I assume you are going to teach your child not to point in people's faces as well?

She didn't... But left soon after.

Thank you lady. I was actually prepared for a flaming here for even suggesting I might snap but it's been really therapeutic ranting about all the little things that have annoyed me over the years, as well as hearing truly amazing stories

Yeah! Look at us flaunting our flame-proof SN knickers on the main boards!

At one point I had a t-shirt printed up for DS2 (when he was still non-verbal, but making typical 'Autism' noises), that said :

I have Autism, what's your excuse?

And I'm Autistic, not badly behaved.

But then I do get fed up and growly with people after 14 years of dealing with TWO DC's with Autism.

I am the mean bitch that turns round to the tutters, huffers and head shakers with the retort "They have Autism, you're just a judgemental fucker".

I will add, I am not ALWAYS rude like that, but if you happen to be very judgemental towards my DC's at the end of a long day of meltdowns from them and me being tired from a seizure the previous day, I DO end up reacting rudely.

Couthy I must have been doing it too long now too. My older ones who used to be mortified not only by ds's behaviour but also by my reaction to people judging now just laugh when they try and pretend they weren't staring and I've been harsh or better still they tell people themselves how rude and ill mannered they are being.

Fallen only just realised where I am It must have come up on most active that's why I'm here.

Fallen yeah! I'll certainly be on the wine tonight!

Mow, I don't blame you for being rude back. I think I'm half wimp/ half a bit too bothered about what other people think to snap a lot of the time. But I have done before. Once I really blew my top. Only once have I done that though (I think)

'Fallen only just realised where I am'

Wow fallen how fantastic is your ds

Insanity oh dear! Well you've all kept me sane today after that!

I haven't been where you are but my heart breaks for the insensitivity you have to experience.

Dozy, I used to be so quiet and just used to go home and howl. By the time I had 9yo DD on the spectrum AND 4yo DS2 too, I slightly lost that when I stood in the middle of a major indoor shopping centre (necessary evil, school shoe shopping that I needed one particular indie shoe shop for), holding onto DD having a meltdown in my left hand, DS2 having a meltdown in my right hand, and 5yo DS1 repeatedly telling me he needs a wee NOW, NOW Mummy, with the WHOLE. DAMN. SHOPPING. CENTRE. STARING.

I may have gotten slightly RANTY and lost my ...