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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is over-sexualising a 7-year old?

227 replies

bigbadal · 18/08/2012 22:49

Really interested to hear people's opinions on this one....

A family member recently told me that his 7-year old daughter is 'already trying it on' with him as when he goes to kiss her goodnight she tries to kiss him on the lips rather than on the cheek. These are 'peck' kisses not anything more adult. He feels that this is her acting in a sexual fashion. Since her mother kisses both her and her younger brother goodnight on the lips I suspect it is just that she's noticed that her parents treat her differently and that she's a bit confused by this or that she is trying to show her parents equal affection.

I'm really not sure what to think. I'm fairly confident that I was kissing my father goodnight on the lips until I left home......and it certainly never EVER crossed my mind that there was anything sexual about it....that's just how it was - I kissed my parents on the lips. I know a lot of parents choose not to kiss their children on the lips for whatever reason (hygiene etc) but for this father to think his daughter is acting in a sexual way with him seems to be a bit far-fetched?

As a mother of a boy (who I kiss on the lips) I am confused. Is this a symptom of over-sexualisation of children within our society - or am I being very naive?

....sits back and waits to be flamed for admitting to kissing son on the lips and being at risk of awakening his sexuality at too young an age!

OP posts:

LadySybildeChocolate · 18/08/2012 22:51

I'd be concerned about any adult who accused a 7 year old of 'trying it on' with them to be honest. Sorry. It just sounds very wrong to me.

startwig1982 · 18/08/2012 22:51

I kiss my DS on the lips. He's 14mo and I haven't ever given it any thought!
My mum kissed me on the lips until she died when I was 28. Nothing sexual in it. Load of old tosh.

NovackNGood · 18/08/2012 22:51

Kissing children on the lips. As for the fathers comment. Very very weird.

tittytittyhanghang · 18/08/2012 22:51

imo dad is barking mad. my ds is 12 and kisses me on the lips. nothing sexual about it.

ErikNorseman · 18/08/2012 22:51

I think it's a very strange use of language about his 7 year old daughter. I kiss DS on the lips, I think I used to kiss my mum on the lips til fairly old too. I love kissing his little mouth :)

DeepPurple · 18/08/2012 22:51

I kiss my daughter on the lips. I still kiss my dad on occasions. It certainly isn't sexual in any way! I find it odd that anyone would think it is. The main argument I can see for not kissing your children on the lips is to prevent the spread of cold sores etc.

workshy · 18/08/2012 22:52

I think he is very odd if he thinks pecks on the lips between parents and children are wrong

I'm also concerned by his use of the term 'trying it on'

gives me the creeps tbh

lemonpie7 · 18/08/2012 22:53

I think there is a problem, because the father is uncomfortable, so has to change the way he does things so he is comfortable.

I don't think the daughter has any sort of problem!

I kissed my father on the lips too, still do, and my brother, but not my DC because they prefer to be kissed on the cheek.

It isn't the act that is wrong, it is just wrong if it is uncomfortable for one of the participants.

Annunziata · 18/08/2012 22:54

I think he sounds very strange.

AgentZigzag · 18/08/2012 22:54

Is this about over-sexualisation of children in wider society, or is it more about a man inappropriately ascribing sexual motivations to his 7 YO daughter?

I think it's the latter, and the two aren't connected.

I would not feel very happy to hear someone saying that about their daughter, and I'd hope anyone saying you're awakening your DSs sexuality by kissing him on the lips would be flamed to shit.

Inneedofbrandy · 18/08/2012 22:55

Argh i'm going to get flamed but... my children are not allowed to kiss or be kissed by anyone on the lips because of adults oral sex. I can't stomach the thought of that persons mouth has been around a penis/vagina and then kissing my child.

I have now started doing cheek kissing with mine 5 and nearly 7 because there now getting bigger.

AgentZigzag · 18/08/2012 22:56

I would still give my dad a kiss on the lips saying goodbye, and if anyone suggested there was anything in it they'd be laid out flat in seconds.

cheesesarnie · 18/08/2012 22:56

op how did you react?

i think it says more about the father than the daughter.

if he doesnt like it, he needs to look at why (maybe his upbringing dictates why he believes its wrong) and discuss it in an age apprpriate manner with his daughter.

dd-12, ds-11 and ds2- 6 are all lip kissers to me and my dh.

Krumbum · 18/08/2012 22:57

What he has said is very worrying. The fact that he views that in a sexual way is very odd. I don't kiss my parents on the lips (me and my mum both get bad coldsores) but it's lovely when people do. I can't imagine why anyone would see it as sexual when an adult is kissing their parent let alone a 7 year old!

cheesesarnie · 18/08/2012 22:58

brandy- really?
so youd rather give your partner a blow job than kiss your dc?

DeathByChocolate01 · 18/08/2012 22:58

My grandad has 5 granddaughters between 14 - 23 years old, and we all still kiss him on the lips. It's what we've always done, there's nothing at all odd about it in my eyes. It is very concerning that a grown man thinks a 7 year old is trying it on with him. :(

workshy · 18/08/2012 22:59

Inneedofbrandy

really? really???

I'm a bit at that one

Boggler · 18/08/2012 22:59

I don't kiss my ds on the lips. Never really thought about it but I think it stems from the fact that he was constantly getting colds and chest infections as a baby. So we kiss on the cheek, but IMO no big deal if we kissed on lips certainly nothing sexual and ds is 8.

This father though sounds very strange, I think he has some strange ideas and I think his choice of language is very suspect I'd keep an eye on him. I have heard that paedophiles often try to excuse their behaviour by saying the child wanted it, encouraged it etc.

Viperidae · 18/08/2012 23:00

My parents always told us not to kiss on the lips as it was "not nice" so I never did it with my own DCs and am a bit about it but I think the father's comments are really distasteful.

Birdsgottafly · 18/08/2012 23:01

I think that if he says anything along these lines again, you should put him straight.

Inneedofbrandy · 18/08/2012 23:01

I wasn't talking about me cheesesarnie, I said anyone.

I don't preform oral sex myself so that has never been a problem with me and them.

And now I prefer not to kiss them on their lips because of sick bugs bogey eating ect ect. Although that didn't bother me when they were smaller.

TheDoctrineOfEnnis · 18/08/2012 23:02

OP, do you think this was some kind of very bad joke from your family member or does he really think his 7 year old daughter is in some way behaving sexually? Has he ever said or done anything else that makes you question his attitude?

AgentZigzag · 18/08/2012 23:02

A lot of men who find small children sexually attractive justify it by turning the responsibility around onto the child saying they knew what they were doing or it's what they wanted.

HolyOlympicNamechangeBatman · 18/08/2012 23:04

brandy are they allowed to hold/touch an adults hand?

OP the father sounds very, very odd.

Goofymum · 18/08/2012 23:04

Flippin 'eck inneedofbrandy that's about the weirdest post I've ever read. In fact this whole thread is creepy. OP's family member's comments were very inappropriate.

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