to think this is over-sexualising a 7-year old?

[bigbadal]

Really interested to hear people's opinions on this one....

A family member recently told me that his 7-year old daughter is 'already trying it on' with him as when he goes to kiss her goodnight she tries to kiss him on the lips rather than on the cheek. These are 'peck' kisses not anything more adult. He feels that this is her acting in a sexual fashion. Since her mother kisses both her and her younger brother goodnight on the lips I suspect it is just that she's noticed that her parents treat her differently and that she's a bit confused by this or that she is trying to show her parents equal affection.

I'm really not sure what to think. I'm fairly confident that I was kissing my father goodnight on the lips until I left home......and it certainly never EVER crossed my mind that there was anything sexual about it....that's just how it was - I kissed my parents on the lips. I know a lot of parents choose not to kiss their children on the lips for whatever reason (hygiene etc) but for this father to think his daughter is acting in a sexual way with him seems to be a bit far-fetched?

As a mother of a boy (who I kiss on the lips) I am confused. Is this a symptom of over-sexualisation of children within our society - or am I being very naive?

....sits back and waits to be flamed for admitting to kissing son on the lips and being at risk of awakening his sexuality at too young an age!

The father's comments are very concerning. It is like he is painting his daughter as some sort of Lolita.

Wellwisher - you don't have to use tongues! A peck on the lips is not sexual.

I kiss dd regularly on the lips and so do all my family and friends. To even consider there is anything remotely sexual in it is frankly weird.

I recently read Lolita. A very disturbing book.

The dad sounds bloody creepy. He is sexualising the behaviour, and it sets o huge klaxons for me! Poor kid!

bignadal this has disturbed me all night, can you vertabim the whole conversation for context? As it stands I really do think you need to be wary for the little girl.

Yuk. Horrible thread. YANBU OP. Ascribing adult intentions to his 7yo DD is just nasty

I don't kiss DD on the lips really. Lots of kissed on the head and on the forehead and on the cheek, but not on the lips. Just feels not quite appropriate. Doesn't bother me how anyone else kisses their kids though.

DD kisses ME on the lips however, pretending to be the Prince waking up sleeping beauty. Or she did. Ever since seeing Tangled she now tells me to pretend to be asleep, then tries to stick her tongue in my ear like the chameleon does to wake up Flynn. I'm not sure it's an improvement. :)

This is such a strange thread and I am at some people's comments!

Granted, I don't know the man, but from the description in the OP's posts I gather that she is not concerned that he is harming his daughter in any way. I would assume that this is just a strange use of language, the same as when people describe very young children as 'sexy' (I've seen lots of threads in the past on this one) and that they are 'flirting'. These terms make me feel a bit ick so I don't use them, but I have heard people describe their DC as my 'sexy little man' or similar. In my experience the term 'flirting' when describing children's behaviour is generally only used to describe courting the attention of adults of the opposite sex, which is why it makes me feel a bit ick (although in theory I agree with the OP's definition and Worra's description). Basically, some people use this sort of language and really don't mean anything by it, I think the dad would be shocked to realise people would react in this way to his comment. I'm not saying it's right to describe a child as 'trying it on', I don't, but I think people make throw away comments that they haven't really thought through the implications iyswim.

Inneeofbrandy, the human body, including genitals and even sex are not dirty or shameful things and you do not need to fear the penis/vagina germs near your children. I do hope you do not pass on this attitude to your children.

Yanbu OP - the father saying that about his daughter rings alarm bells for me and makes me feel a bit concerned tbh. Can you keep an eye on the situation?

I think people are being a bit blinkered about the flirting thing though. I don't think flirting is always sexual at all, and I would use the term to describe a baby who is very smiley and interactive with strangers. I probably wouldn't use the term about a child older than toddler age though. To use the term in that way would not imply anything remotely sexual!

Someone describing a child or baby as 'sexy' though - that's just revolting.

The thing is Anna all paedophiles have family and friends that aren't concerned and completely trust them, they are sneaky and manipulative and often they are the last people you think they will be. By saying that he 'feels she is acting in a sexual fashion' and is 'trying it on' its seems to me that in his mind he sees her in a sexual way.

Don't kiss children on lips , it spreads diseases and coldsores .

Bloody man is a weirdo .

That they are "trying it on" is undoubtedly a disgsuting thing to say about one's own child and I too would be concerned.

That said, five pages of justifying lip-kissing is not necessary. I don't do it because I dislike it, just one of those things. I'm tactile in other respects but I'm not a very kissy person, so I have some sympathy for ineedabrandy here. You can't suddenly force yourself to like something or find it pleasant!

Keep an eye on the father.

I've never kissed anyone on the lips who I wasn't sexually involved with! In my family kisses on the cheek are the norm. No-one ever kisses on the lips, it just wouldn't feel normal for us.

I think people can be far to ready to use grown-up terms to descrive little kids sometimes. My DM persists in describing DS1 as a 'con merchant' because 'he tricks her into getting stuff he wants'. He's 14mo for heaven's sake, he is NOT that machiavellian. However she uses those terms because a) she doesn't consider the wider implications of them and b) I think she forgets that he's just a baby, mentally and physically.

The dad in the OP though.... his description of his daughter 'trying it on' would make me uncomfortable. Some people seem to think that girls are just small women and so any behaviour on their part that appears to be flirty is actually meant that way (when in fact the little girl is oblivious of this and is just being cute/copying TV or something).

I don't know what to suggest other than attempting to laugh it off and saying 'You can't be serious, she is only a little kid!' ever time you hear such remarks. Ridicule might persuade the adult that they're being a bit odd....

Actually, it was the 'already' in 'already trying it on' that I found particularly odd - as if he expected his daughter to 'try it on' with him at some point. The saucy little minx.

This man does sound a bit strange, whether he is just uncomfortable with the lip kissing, or trying to justify something more sinister.

OP, I would say that just because you trust him doesn't mean you should trust him. Real-life sex-offenders are generally not anorak-clad loners.

I gave my dad a peck on the lips yesterday when I said good bye. How on earth is there anything sexual about a peck on the lips between father/daughter/brother/mother??!?

Fucking idiot an his comment it really horrible and worrying.

Omg I've just realised I get a good night kiss from my nephews as a peck on the lips, despite my best efforts to move my head and get te snottiness on my check rather lips... Our family must be sick.

brandy what an unusual stance.

What a peculiar worry to have.

op the man is nuts also.

I still kiss my parents hello/goodbye on the lips and I have never had a coldsore or any sort of transferable disease. Nor have I been physically or emotionally damaged by some sort of magical oral sex contagion, strangely enough Way to give children a complex, Brandy!

OP, this is pretty disturbing stuff from the girl's father. To me, it all seems pretty simple: the girl's mum kisses her on the lips, so she wants dad to kiss her on the lips too, because she probably thinks lip kisses mean more love and she wants dad to love her the same as mum. Even if he is just using a really shit choice of words and has no sinister intentions towards her, if he and his wife develop a way of describing their daughter's behaviour in sexual terms will have a very negative effect on her. It will actually sexualise her and make her feel she is supposed to be sexual and will also make her feel dirty and ashamed when she starts to understand what sex is. I'm not going to out my job, but let's just say I'm not saying this off the top of my head.

For the idiots who think children actually flirt, you are getting things so wrong it's scary. A lot of gestures and expressions adult women use to flirt are actually approximations of innocent looks, poses and gestures children naturally do that adults find adorable. Those things are appealing and naturally make us like the child and give them attention. We do them as adults for the same reason, except they are now imbued with adult sexual undertones. If and when children do poses, looks, etc., that do look sexual, it's always either adults wrongly seeing them as such because of them looking sexual if adults do them OR because the child is copying adult behaviour they've seen. A little girl pretending to be sexy and singing a sexy song is about as sexual as her then sticking her arms out stiffly and walking around pretending to be a robot. It's just making sense of the world by aping different behaviours they see.

All of that does not need explaining to most normal adults because it's so bloody obvious.

Sorry but the repeated posts of " I do / don't kiss my dc on the lips" is not in any way related or relevant to this man's comments. The two issues are separate.
I can assure you OP that any man or woman for that matter who ascribes sexual motivation for a child's behaviour is very worrying indeed and is possibly a paedophile. Comments such as "oh (s)he kept sitting on my knee, I new they wanted to have sex with me" are also frequently out of the mouth of paedos.
Keeping an eye on his public behaviour probably won't achieve much OP, you really need to think about what you're going to do next. But would def be reporting any further comments, even to the child's school teacher in first instance.

What a worrying way to describe his 7yo daughters innocent, normal behaviour!
I find it very disturbing that this man can accuse his daughter of 'flirting'.
7yo do not know what flirting is and kissing on the lips is pretty normal.
If this was my friend/family i would be very concerned for the childs safety

I don't think what the dad said is creepy - but it was phrased strangely. Perhaps what he meant to say is that his daughter was acting differently, it felt 'wrong', and it made him feel uncomfortable. He's entitled to feel that way; I think fathers of daughters can be more clued up to this sort of behaviour, which has nothing whatsoever to do with inappropriate connotations.

I could slap the hysterical posters who scaremonger by insinuating abuse. Being female doesn't make anybody less of a threat to a child. If the threat is there, it's there - it's ridiculous to make assumptions that the child is at risk from what's been posted.

'He feels that this is her acting in a sexual fashion.'

You don't think this is inappropriate then Lying? You think because he's a father of a daughter he must be more clued up on what age they become sexually aware?

Bollocks do they.

'I could slap the hysterical posters who scaremonger by insinuating abuse.'

You could try.

I didn't say that, Agent. I'm talking of the fathers who love and cherish their daughters and want them to behave like little daughters - not in this manner. In fact, that's most of the dads that I know - they would be very saddened to witness changed behaviour in their child - and would certainly not want to encourage it. A woman might be more circumspect, seeing the behaviour for what it is.

The wish to slap is still there. I loathe pitchforkers.

The man said his seven year old was trying it on and kissing him in a sexual way, and you think they're innocent remarks from a dad sad that his little girl is growing up Lying?

The 'most of the dads' you know must have some seriously worrying thoughts if this is what they think.