Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is over-sexualising a 7-year old?

227 replies

bigbadal · 18/08/2012 22:49

Really interested to hear people's opinions on this one....

A family member recently told me that his 7-year old daughter is 'already trying it on' with him as when he goes to kiss her goodnight she tries to kiss him on the lips rather than on the cheek. These are 'peck' kisses not anything more adult. He feels that this is her acting in a sexual fashion. Since her mother kisses both her and her younger brother goodnight on the lips I suspect it is just that she's noticed that her parents treat her differently and that she's a bit confused by this or that she is trying to show her parents equal affection.

I'm really not sure what to think. I'm fairly confident that I was kissing my father goodnight on the lips until I left home......and it certainly never EVER crossed my mind that there was anything sexual about it....that's just how it was - I kissed my parents on the lips. I know a lot of parents choose not to kiss their children on the lips for whatever reason (hygiene etc) but for this father to think his daughter is acting in a sexual way with him seems to be a bit far-fetched?

As a mother of a boy (who I kiss on the lips) I am confused. Is this a symptom of over-sexualisation of children within our society - or am I being very naive?

....sits back and waits to be flamed for admitting to kissing son on the lips and being at risk of awakening his sexuality at too young an age!

OP posts:
Krumbum · 18/08/2012 23:18

Freud said a lot of crazy sexist things. Don't listen to that shit.
From experience you should see that little girls do not flirt because flirting means being sexual.

Softlysoftly · 18/08/2012 23:19

brandy where did you get those issues, I want to point out handjobs but am concerned you will ban your children bro g touched. And little girls do not fucking flirt do not give peedos an excuse just don't. God I can't tell you how angry that post made me.

op I don't kiss on the lips it doesn't feel natural but there is nothing wrong in it. I would have large alarm bells ringing about that man and his choice of terms.

Birdsgottafly · 18/08/2012 23:20

Also referances into Freud about it

Freud moved along understanding of the subconsious mind, but he was very wrong on anything concerning sexual displays of behaviour by children,caused by his own repressed childhood.

AgentZigzag · 18/08/2012 23:21

Well no wonder you've got the views you have if you're using the bollocks Freud came out with to back up your ideas Brandy Hmm

You do know he was talking crap don't you?

Original poster
bigbadal · 18/08/2012 23:22

this is getting seriously off-topic but flirt does also have other definitions that are completely non-sexual - 'to flirt with danger' where its meaning is to 'deal playfully, triflingly or superficially with'. To describe children's behaviour as flirting is not so far removed from them 'dealing playfully with another human' - so potentially entirely correct in terms of the use of language, just misinterpreted by those determined to see that anyone who describes a child as 'flirting' is a paedophile.

OP posts:
peanutMD · 18/08/2012 23:22

OP - as others have said its definitely the father who is being inappropriate not the little girl. My son is 6 and sometimes kisses on lips, sometimes cheek it's not a big deal either way just a display of innocent affection.

Brandy - your comments do indeed sexualise children!

children don't flirt, they interact and people who suggest otherwise genuinely disturb me. IME these are also the type of people who jokingly tell their babies they are 'sexy', its awful that children can't just be children anymore :(

Inneedofbrandy · 18/08/2012 23:23

Does no one flaming me not have little girls? My DD 6 and a half loves repeating from the scoobydoo film who's your mamma now while withering up the doorframe. I would call that flirting or courting attention.

I actually think he made a lot of sense but hey ho.

Leena49 · 18/08/2012 23:23

I cannot even bear to think that if my beautiful little 7 year old dd was sitting on one of my male relatives and kissing them and laughing they would interpret that as flirting. If at any point I did they would never come to my house again. Men who think they flirt really need to take a good look at themselves and preferably stay away from children!

workshy · 18/08/2012 23:25

brandy I have 2 dds

they do not flirt!

your DD is not flirting, she is coping behaviour that she doesn't understand and yu tell her to stop -problem solved

I can't believe that anyone would think of that as flirting

Krumbum · 18/08/2012 23:25

What's withering up the door frame?
So wanting attention is flirting?
Weird how no one ever says boys who like attention are 'flirting'

eurochick · 18/08/2012 23:26

Brandy your comments remind me of a film (Analyse This perhaps?) where the mobster has a wife and a girlfriend and when his shrink asks why his response is that it is his wife's mouth that kisses his kids goodnight so he needs a mistress... I'm not sure I've ever known anyone than a fictional mobster with ishooos to have a problem with this.

NameChangeGalore · 18/08/2012 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bigbadal · 18/08/2012 23:27

Please can we chill on the 'flirt' thing. A man who believes a child is flirting with him in a sexual way is confused/has issues/is (very) potentially a paedophile. The casual use of the word 'flirt' to describe the behaviour of children attempting to court attention does not suggest that the user has any issue at all.

Can I reiterate 'flirt' does not have one single meaning relating to sex!

OP posts:
Softlysoftly · 18/08/2012 23:28

I have an outgoing chatty dramatic nearly 3 year old who talks the hubs legs off anyone, laughs and jokes with them. To think someone sees that behaviour as flirting (which whatever pedantry you put around dictionary definitions in in reality absolutely sexualised as a word) makes me physically sick.

I would have your mind nowhere near my child brandy without a good scrub with carbolic.

Krumbum · 18/08/2012 23:28

Words gain their meaning through use. Flirt by most peoples understanding is sexual.

Goofymum · 18/08/2012 23:28

Inneedofbrandy NO, your DD is copying what she's seen on the scooby doo film, yes to get attention but NOT to flirt which in my opinion is something else entirely. Yes, you could go all literal and read the dictionary for other definititions of the word flirting, but in the context of this post we all know what it means - it has sexual intent and that is something that a child does not and should not know.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 18/08/2012 23:29

brandy where did you get those issues, I want to point out handjobs but am concerned you will ban your children bro g touched. And little girls do not fucking flirt do not give peedos an excuse just don't. God I can't tell you how angry that post made me.

Well said softlysoftly

brandy that's crazy

Dh and i kiss our dcs on the lips, why anyone would think a child was flirting is beyond me.

NameChangeGalore · 18/08/2012 23:29

Brandy that's just stupid. Dd makes me act out scenes from Aladdin and Cinderella with her (I'm always the boy) but its not bloody flirting! She's just emulating what she's seen. Little girls do not flirt, they just copy. Ffs.

NovackNGood · 18/08/2012 23:30

Ok inneedofbrandy you really do come across as rather strange, perverted and totally inappropriate and maybe you might be better off not posting on this thread anymore becuase you are coming across exactly as some dirty old perverts who gets his kicks talking about this kind of thing with mothers on the internet.

Original poster
bigbadal · 18/08/2012 23:31

Krumbum - when I mentioned that I am guilty of using 'flirt' inappropriately (before I had looked it up and confirmed that it can be used non-sexually) I was referring to the fact that my 3 year old little boy loves courting attention and that I have been heard to say to strangers (male and female) such things as 'I'm sorry, he's a bit of a flirt' - only ever meaning that he was courting attention. There's certainly NO sexual connotation in my mind when I talk about my 3 year old! I have to say I agree with the sentiment that anyone who says little girls flirt but little boys don't is probably reading too much sexuality into children's behaviour.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/08/2012 23:32

I have to say I was sitting in church once at my son's Christmas concert and the lady next to me had a 6 month old baby boy. He kept smiling at me and trying to get my attention...of which I gave him plenty as he was so adorable!

She said to me, "Goodness he's such a little flirt!"

And at that moment I knew exactly what she meant by that.

She meant he loves to court attention by smiling and interacting...there was nothing sexual to the phrase at all.

However, the person in the OP thinking a 7yr old is 'trying it on' because she wants to kiss him on the lips....well that's an entirely different thing.

I think it sounds bloody odd when used in that context...all she wants to do is kiss her Daddy Confused

AgentZigzag · 18/08/2012 23:33

The first definition of flirt from FreeDictionary is 'to make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.' and it's used frequently in everyday conversations using that definition, so I'm not sure where you got the idea it's not related to sex OP.

I've never come across it being used to describe childrens attention seeking though, I'd find that very odd.

peanutMD · 18/08/2012 23:33

OP I have an issue with that term being used in the way that Brandy suggests, not just for attention.

I also have major issues with this term because the animal who tried to sexually assault me as a child tried to insinuate that I was 'flirting' with him thus leading him on.

Inneedofbrandy · 18/08/2012 23:33

I would really disagree, flirting and sexual intent do not go together.

My DD does flirt for attention however my defination of flirting must be different then some of yours.

Im not the point of the post though...

WorraLiberty · 18/08/2012 23:34

OMG X posted with OP...are you sure it wasn't you in church? Shock Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread