To think this is a massive overreaction?

[Justme23]

A friend of mine was in tears last night (at a bloody barbecue of all places) because she is having doubts about her almost one year marriage.

Basically her husband suggested recently that she ahem, trim her pubic hair and start taking care of herself a bit more.

She feels he is completely out of order for asking this, he has also said he is struggling to find her attractive any more, that she has completely let herself go since the wedding.

It is true, without sounding like a bitch, she has.
She has put on a lot of weight, no longer wears makeup unless it's a formal do, her hair is never styled and she does tend to live in polo shirts and the same pair of jeans and trainers. She admitted to me not long ago that she hasn't shaved her legs in months and we all could see yesterday that her armpits were well and truly neglected.

She used to be so well turned out and her husband used to be the first to say how beautiful she was and how proud he was to have her.

Their sex life used to be crazy but now is pretty non existent, she said he isn't interested any more.

Yesterday she (hysterically crying) told me she felt he was being disrespectful, nasty, cruel and evil and that she thinks she wants a divorce...

AIBU for thinking she is being very short sighted.

I certainly wouldn't be happy if DP married me and then turned Into a slob and after telling DP last night he agreed and said he could completely see her husbands point of view and would probably feel the same.

???

Weight gain, no longer caring about her appearance except when she goes out? She's putting on a façade that she is happy. She's not. Crying 'hysterically' at a public event?

Her physical appearance is irrelevant, something is wrong. Her husband married her for the wrong reason if he's more concerned about her appearance than her mental health. Yes, he is totally justified to not be sexually attracted to her, we cannot change what we find sexy. But why is concern about her appearance and not her happiness??

Here here chubs stealth and 5madthings

Plus I am only 23 - so I mustn't be self respecting

If I pornified myself I think DP would be so shocked he would have a heart attack!

Birds if you would end the relationship then you like that person for their looks you don't live them for themselves so you would not be able to cope with a sudden change eg disfigurement

Yes i would because it wouldn't be chosen, if someone who i wanted a relationship with suddenly changed and didn't care about my opinion, then that would be the problem. The reasons for the change matter, as does the dismissal of the other persons, feelings.

I went through many changes with my DH whils he died, that is different, as said ealier that is shit that you deal with when life throws it at you.

He is so doting on her and she used to be the same.

She said that she knew she was getting a bit too relaxed with him. In herself she is fine, works going well etc, their mortgage is finally paid off and she said she feels like she's accomplished everything now and can relax.

Yeah, right. If that's doting then fuck me, I'd hate to see what he'd be like if he really didn't like her

No I do know she is not depressed.

I've been texting her today and she's actually considering making an effort, its their anniversary in November and she feels a bit bad, mostly down to me being stern with her last night. Her mother has also told her to snap out of it.

Of it saves an otherwise good marriage then it's worth it.

I think the telling part is that she has admitted she would feel the same if he put on weight etc.
So really she has no right to be upset. They clearly feel similar regarding this issue.

Remind us again why you consider this woman to be a friend? Because you certainly aren't behaving like one.

She had to back him into a corner before he would even speak to her about a problem in their relationship and you think he dotes on her?

She isnt a doll he gets to show off, she's a person.
Does he wear makeup? Shave his legs? Wear dresses?
No. So if he's not willing to prettify then why should she?
If he thought she is beautiful then you'd imagine he would still find her beautiful in casual clothes and no makeup! She is still is the same person!
He is obviously a very superficial person if he won't have sex with her if she's not shaved or wearing makeup. He doesn't want a wife, he wants sex doll. She's a person not an object.
Yabvu.

Justme23 - this is the 3rd thread of yours I've read where you've sounded really judgemental of someone else's failings (your colleague on the diet with the controlling DP; your feckless SIL with the DP who didn't see that condomless sex with a known broody woman would probably end with a baby; and now this friend who's let herself go with a superficial DH).

Why do other people's failings bother you so much? Why do you get so emotionally involved?

Why is it you always seem to focus on the woman's failings to keep to your standards, never really focussing on the men? You never see the woman as needing help, always as needing to pull themselves together and act in the way the men in their lives want. The men seem to be the victims, only grudgingly accepting they could be in the wrong, they tend to do/say the wrong thing because they've been backed into a corner, not because they have chosen to be nasty to the woman they claim to love/been irresponsible.

You don't seem to like other woman much.

Am I the only one who is glad not to have the OP for a friend?

Lovely, what a perfect outcome. Instead of feeling like she has friends/family that she can rely on, turn to and will listen to her she has you and her mother telling her to 'snap out of it' and being 'stern' with her, like she is a nughty child

*naughty

This thread smells.

OP, really, they've been together long enough to pay off a mortgage? So a very long relationship, then.

I think Brick's locked away for a bit on Celebrity Big Brother.

Oh is this the one where the OP sounded like she was in love with the (seemingly) demonic SIL's XP?

HER mortgage...

Oh for gods sake, the amount of pious hypocrites on here is amazing. Not only do they condemn people for judging whilst judging themselves but half of them cling on to (a usually incorrect) paragraph like a mangy dog with a rotten bone. and there is also quite a large percentage of posters who quite clearly havent even read what has been posted in the first place.

In my book friends do not walk on eggshells around eachother, i expect honesty and I respect my friends enough to tell them the truth in return. My friends group is not a gang of self pitying, men hating, self proclaimed psychiatrists who scream "mental health" at the first sign of trouble. Honestly it is such a good job you aren't, you wouldn't last a second doing my job!
We are a common sensical, no bullshit group of whom have differing opinions of which we are allowed to partake without someone reporting us to the playground police.

Honestly, some of you really do need to take long hard looks at you replies.. A husband having an opinion equals assault.. Oh please do take a running jump!

Is this the same op as the sainted condom less partner of her SIL?

Oh what a crock of shit then. Fortunately these people only exist in the ops fevered imagination.

I think you're right Chubfuddler.

Although, I quite fancy being a self proclaimed psychiatrist, as I didn't know it was that easy and I hear it's a well-paid profession.

"common sense no bullshit group of friends"

Babble fish translation

"we all hate each other"

If she makes the effort for everyone apart from her husband, then it sounds like she doesnt care what he thinks, she has lost interest in him.