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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

house messy when i returned from holiday

95 replies

alemci · 15/08/2012 13:51

I went away with my DS and DH but left my 2 EDs at home (17,18) as they had work committments etc. I texted my ed when we were at the airport so she knew exactly when we were back. my mum also kept an eye from a distance on them. I was pretty jet lagged when i returned and TBH i was reluctant to go away in the first place as i just kind of knew what would happen. asked them not to have parties or too many people round but expected bf and friends to have been there at some point which is fair enough.

got back, kitchen messy with washing up, hoover out in the middle of hall, clothes from friends left in hall, rubbish not put out (4 bags) and recycling overflowing. some beer bottles left in garden

dd in lounge, messy carpet. My bedlinen on line even though my bed was changed before we went. her friend and her had stayed in my room. was not happy about this as it is my personal space and it felt like an invasion of privacy.

we had a row and she stormed out. she accused me of be OCD and that all i cared about was the house. I just wanted to come back to a clean house which i had left. the house feels dirty and i feel exhausted. it is bad enough being jet lagged normally without all this. she went out and stayed at a friends. the YD was nowhere in sight.

also all my kitchen cupboards were in disaray as people had put things in wrong place etc even though i had cleaned them out at the start of the school holiday

I know no one is hurt and the house is still standing but i don't think i would be able to do this again as it stresses me out and hi lights how selfish they are. they want to be treated like adults but don't live up to it.

OP posts:

GhostShip · 15/08/2012 22:36

Her boyfriend slept in the other bed? Her and friend in yours?

Sorry OP I know you believe her, that's lovely, but I wouldn't :o especially as she washed the sheets but didn't bother with anything else..

onemoreforgoodmeasure · 15/08/2012 22:37

I wouldn't have dared, I'd have had the party, the fun, and I would have then appropriately hidden the fact of that from my parents by making the house tidy before they got back. I think they've lost sight of respect.

ShellyBoobs · 15/08/2012 22:57

I'm with GhostShip, sorry OP.

The bedding being the only thing to be tackled is a huge giveaway.

There was shagging in them there sheets, I tell thee.

Original poster

alemci · 16/08/2012 15:13

re: sex issue - Both my dd and her bf are committed christians and I know that this is highly unlikely. It is drummed into them by the youth leader to not have sex before marriage. I am fairly confident on this.

This is not necessarily my take on pre marital sex but I could be wrong about them.

OP posts:

mumeeee · 16/08/2012 15:20

Sounds fairly typical teenage behaviour to me. Yes they should have clared up but teens don't think. Things in the wrong cupboard wouldn't bother me at least they were put away.

bronze · 16/08/2012 15:26

We once had a party at a friends house when his parents were away. It was around the time of the yellow pages French polish adverts. We decided the house was too sparkly except we couldn't get to the bottle bank so we put beer bottles around the house in places where you could see them but they looked link they were supposed to be hidden. He then put a yellow pages in the table with a French polishers circled.
They thought we had set it up as a joke and the double bluff worked

Sorry mr and mrs s

quoteunquote · 16/08/2012 15:28

OP, get a one off cleaning team in, charge the children, if they don't pay, deduct it off any future contributions that you might of given them, be really clear about this, make sure they have to find the money for something you would of paid for,

and explain that if in future they want to use the space/house when you are not there, the house must be spotless when you return, or all the good work that the holiday created will be undone,

If you don't make them responsible for the cleaning of the house in your absents, you will always return to sticky chaos, don't spend any more energy pursuing them to take responsibility,

explain in the future, if they want to stay in the house they need to come up with the cost of a full clean, which will be returned to them if you deem it not to be needed on your return,

you will be doing them a huge favour if they learn this before they start to live with non family members.

They will suddenly find they are motivated and able to clean if it saves them 50 quid.

GhostShip · 16/08/2012 19:12

A cleaning team?! Really? A bit extreme. Christ.

They should learn because they are practically adults, not because they don't want to be charged.

Original poster

alemci · 16/08/2012 19:14

My ED eventually admitted they had a party in the garden. The house wasn't filthy.

she has got her results and she will be off to uni in September so i will let it go this time but there will not be a repeat.

OP posts:

scarlettsmummy2 · 16/08/2012 19:21

Two words... Wise up

FelicitywasSarca · 16/08/2012 21:33

Hahahaha party in the garden? And the rest.

Sorry OP but it isn't THAT long since I was their age. And I would have done more than that and I was clever/mature enough to clean up properly.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 16/08/2012 21:54

Ahh fond memories of when my parents took a three week holiday and left my sister and me. We had parties in the garden too. most people skulked off to the bedrooms to shag though rather than give us a performance

We were clever enough to replace bed sheets the day before.

I always remember my mate washing up for me. He stacked all the glasses on top of each other, so my mum and dad came home to nice clean glasses...

..but they were all broken!

50shadesofslapntickle · 16/08/2012 23:02

Well I don't think it can be excused because of their age. They should haw more respect for the house and for you! Really, youahould
Get them to do a lot more than they do.

andallthatjargon · 16/08/2012 23:07

When my mum and dad went on holiday my brother used to lock everything in their room and have open house / parties. After this happened several times I refused to be in the same house or take any responsibility!!!

AnnieLobeseder · 16/08/2012 23:16

"Both my dd and her bf are committed christians and I know that this is highly unlikely"

Sorry OP, but I was once a 17yo committed Christian, but teenage hormones are teenage hormones, and I lost my virginity to my committed Christian boyfriend. We did manage to hold out for a year beforehand but.....

I think you need to get your DDs to help around the house more and have more respect both for you and the home they live in.

Devora · 16/08/2012 23:30

This is Nature's way of preparing you for them leaving the nest, in fact, getting to actually look forward to that moment...

I agree with others that this is out of order, but also to be expected (don't let them know that, though). You have to remember that at 17, and not having run a home themselves, they have the privilege of being fantastically self-absorbed and with the empathy of a cheese grater. I'm as old as the hills and I remember being 15 and outraged when when of my mum's friends, who I house-sat for, complaining that I had left a cigarette burn on one of her antique tables. Oh, I was eaten with self-righteous denial: I hadn't done it. I really hadn't, but I guess it is more than theoretically possible that one of the lads I'd invited over, who I'd shagged in her bed, had done so...

Punish them. They've been out of order. But don't get too stressed about it. One day they will be complaining to you about their own teenagers and you will remember this day

Sunnydelight · 17/08/2012 01:36

YANBU - I would have been really pissed off too.

We have left DS1 on his own for the last couple of years (so since 17) when we've gone away. The house always looks, if not spotless, at least as if people have made a real effort to clean up, when we get back. I'm a bit paranoid about the party thing as I worry about gatecrashers - our house is right on the corner with lots of passers by so a full on party would be a bit of a magnet. DS knows that NOBODY goes in my bedroom, or uses my bathroom. I actually have done the hair across the door thing in the past to check

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 17/08/2012 01:49

YANBU- they have forgotten the golden rule of parenting which is "what the eye don't see, the heart don't grieve over"

i.e. have the party, shag in the bed, but give yourselves 24 hrs to do a forensic clean before your parents get back and ensure you are sitting on the sofa with a herbal tea and your A-level revision out when you hear the key in the lock.

WineGoggles · 17/08/2012 17:43

My parents' mantras were "leave things as you found them" and "treat others how you'd want to be treated yourself" so I'd teach my kids that. With that in mind I'd be pissed off to come home to a mess. I would expect them to have parties and mates over but I would expect them to leave the place clean and tidy afterwards.

Original poster

alemci · 17/08/2012 22:12

yes Annie i hear what you are saying, it is plausible but I think it will be carefully considered and not rushed into.

they won't do anymore. I asked my YD to clean the bathroom and i have been out all day. i returned home and it hasn't been done, she is still out. i get so sick of the aggro I don't know if i can be bothered to ask for any help as it is not forthcoming. she also went out and left the kitchen messy. I will be speaking to her.

OP posts:

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