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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

house messy when i returned from holiday

95 replies

alemci · 15/08/2012 13:51

I went away with my DS and DH but left my 2 EDs at home (17,18) as they had work committments etc. I texted my ed when we were at the airport so she knew exactly when we were back. my mum also kept an eye from a distance on them. I was pretty jet lagged when i returned and TBH i was reluctant to go away in the first place as i just kind of knew what would happen. asked them not to have parties or too many people round but expected bf and friends to have been there at some point which is fair enough.

got back, kitchen messy with washing up, hoover out in the middle of hall, clothes from friends left in hall, rubbish not put out (4 bags) and recycling overflowing. some beer bottles left in garden

dd in lounge, messy carpet. My bedlinen on line even though my bed was changed before we went. her friend and her had stayed in my room. was not happy about this as it is my personal space and it felt like an invasion of privacy.

we had a row and she stormed out. she accused me of be OCD and that all i cared about was the house. I just wanted to come back to a clean house which i had left. the house feels dirty and i feel exhausted. it is bad enough being jet lagged normally without all this. she went out and stayed at a friends. the YD was nowhere in sight.

also all my kitchen cupboards were in disaray as people had put things in wrong place etc even though i had cleaned them out at the start of the school holiday

I know no one is hurt and the house is still standing but i don't think i would be able to do this again as it stresses me out and hi lights how selfish they are. they want to be treated like adults but don't live up to it.

OP posts:

Xayide · 15/08/2012 16:13

I was left at 17 as I had a job.

I was already getting myself there by bus and long walk.

There was no public transport at shift end of 11.30 pm - so my mother organized a lift back which fell through as soon as she was gone - so I booked a taxi and left earlier took detour before work and got the money to pay for it.

Complained when taxi left me stranded one night leaving me with a 3 mile unlit walk through country lanes and reorganized with another company.

Kept house very well, looked after the pets, cooked and had a meal waiting for them when they got back.

Stood up to my older brother - dealt with his uninvited friend who randomly turned up wanting to stop, did as asked and didn't let DB stop as he lived elsewhere, said no to party idea and refused to give lend him money a feat my parents still struggle to master.

So YANBU - if I could do that at 17 can't see why other 17 years olds can't at least tidy up.

Mind you wished I hadn't been that responsible. They got in and my Dad reduced me to tears as I'd failed to water some of the plants in the back garden something they had told me not to bother with .

Maybe next year instead they sort alternative accommodation for the duration - something they instead my older brother before he moved out?

SamG76 · 15/08/2012 16:24

Sorry, YABU. You went off on holiday without them (something I could only dream of) and the house was a bit of a mess when you came back. Thank your lucky stars nothing worse happened....

Salmotrutta · 15/08/2012 16:53

I think your DD kicked off because she was defensive and knew they should have tidied up.

I would have been very annoyed at the thought of someone else being in our bedroom and DH would very likely go ballistic at that actually.

I don't think you are unreasonable to be angry - my DD (who had moved out by then) came round to "police" DS the first time we left him years ago - but he was onto her and had tidied, vacuumed and cleaned up! .

... she did that off her own bat by the way so she could be all Big Sistery(probably secretly hoping to tell on him!! )

lilyliz · 15/08/2012 16:56

my 20 yr old had the house in a total mess when I came back from holiday,so bad I started crying before I'd even got my coat off.the next year he was threatened with staying with his gran,so after umpteen promises he was left again,I couldn't believe my eyes the house was spotless,he got heaps of praise which he accepted and a couple of days later 2 girls who lived in the street asked if the house was nice for me,turned out he paid them a £5 each to clean the place.

Original poster

alemci · 15/08/2012 17:00

I would have taken them if they hadn't been working. plus my ED had already been to Kos with her friends.

they have come back and I have given them their gifts from holiday. One is clearing up her bedroom and the other is working.

In an ideal world the house would have been cleaner but as Sam says nothing awful happened. it is really helpful to chat on here.

I did say to my ED yesterday i would post on a forum and see what people thought and show it to her but i was joking.

Marjery, I do care very much for my daughters and have run around after them for years but then I had enough because nothing was done in return.

but when they are here they don't really help so hence my comment.

OP posts:

conorsrockers · 15/08/2012 17:48

Felicity - I am worse and get accused of the same, I like socks folded the right way, books on the shelf in size order etc... etc... I am continuously told about my OCD!! However, I know many of these things are irrelevant in the big scheme of things and so don't lose it when someone else doesn't do things the way I like them to be done. When my kids clear and clean their bedrooms and bathrooms I praise them for a job well done as it's to their standards, which are improving with age (despite the fact I am itching to get in there and do it MY way!)

I grew up with a parent who thought having a clean and tidy house was more important than ANYTHING else and it was suffocating and draining (and made me a rebellious teenager with not an ounce of respect for her), nothing was ever good enough and she was/is a champion moaner.

Of course not all teenagers will behave like this. But there a good deal who will. Either they don't understand your expectations, feel that they will never meet them (so consequently don't bother) or don't care about them. It would be time well spent asking the DD's which it is and trying to fix that rather than fixing the mess.

Hopefully you had a relaxing time on your holiday and it was all worth it!

StaceeJaxx · 15/08/2012 18:21

YANBU. We went on holiday with youngest dds a few years ago and left DSD on her own. (She didn't want to come - only went to Wales). She was 16 at the time (3 weeks off her 17th birthday). We said we didn't mind her friends staying but no loud music etc. When we came back the place was cleaner than it was before we left. She'd even cleaned the downstairs windows front and back!

HorraceTheOtter · 15/08/2012 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GaryTankCommander · 15/08/2012 19:12

I too would be livid. I was left on my own as a teenager and the house was spotless for my parents coming back.

It was very disrespectful of your daughters, they're not children and should know that that was not acceptable.

GhostShip · 15/08/2012 19:40

I lived on my own at 17, worked 12 hour shifts and my place was spotless. Age is no excuse

Margerykemp · 15/08/2012 20:04

Maybe you have run around after them too much then so they just see you as a skivvy and don't respect you.

I think it would be a good idea to work on your relationship with your DDs before they leave home for good. After all it's them who will be changing your nappies in a few years!

Chubfuddler · 15/08/2012 20:21

The reason I got away with so much that my mother still doesn't know about is because on the surface I was so good - cooked, cleaned, great grades. Your two have a lot to learn.

You're mad if you actually think anyone slept alone in your bed though.

usualsuspect · 15/08/2012 20:22

I'm just happy my house is still standing

KittyFane1 · 15/08/2012 20:23

YANBU to be livid, your DDs ABVU for stropping out of the house and not grovelling for forgiveness despite the fact that teenagers are bound to have a party when parents go away.
I'd say her reaction is that of a spoilt little m...

KittyFane1 · 15/08/2012 20:27

I assume that you will be messing up their bedrooms, using and moving their stuff when they next stay out overnight at friends?
If they continue to act like brats, say no more now and do the above. When they return, resume the 'respect' conversation.

tartyflette · 15/08/2012 20:31

Had strict ground rules when we went away and left DS at home as a teenager (16 plus) house first was that on our return we expected to find the house exactly as we had left it, second, no-one but NO-ONE goes into our bedroom, third no smoking in the house, garden was OK and if it was anything other than tobacco I did not want to see even a hint of it.
But things put back in the wrong place? Not so bothered. Fridge/freezer cleared out by the ravening hordes ? ditto. Just make them put it right, it's only fair.

Glittertwins · 15/08/2012 21:19

My parents left me and my brother alone when I was 18 and he was 16. My boyfriend at the time was around for most of it, nobody went near my parents room and the place was clean when my parents came back.
I do remember my brother coming back from the pub blindingly drunk having acquired a metal bar tray and dropping it by the front door. That, followed by the loud "ssshhhhhhhhh" from his mate woke us up and they at least had the grace to be a little sick in the back garden out of the way!!

LST · 15/08/2012 21:26

People saying 'they're teenagers what do expect'... I was 18 when I moved out into my own home. It was never a mess, a 17 and 18 year old should be able to clean up their own mess.

OP I'd be fuming.

deste · 15/08/2012 22:06

I was left at the age of 15 while my parents went on holiday. The first thing I did was clean the house as my mother wasn't very house proud. She always came home to a sparkling house. When I left my DS who was a lazy so and so even he had the house sparkling. This year we went on holiday the week before my DD, again the house was spotless but I found all the windows locked. When I mentioned it she said that I had told her to make sure all the windows and doors were locked, when I really meant closed.

thepeoplesprincess · 15/08/2012 22:09

Sounds perfectly normal to me tbh. Not to say you shouldn't shout tho. That's normal too.

Original poster

alemci · 15/08/2012 22:15

dd and her friend slept in my bed. BF slept in her bed next door. I believe them.

OP posts:

mummy2midget · 15/08/2012 22:19

The mess would make me think they didn't have a party when I was left home alone the house was always spotless cos I wanted to know I wouldn't get caught!!

MildredIsMyAlterEgo · 15/08/2012 22:24

Sorry OP but came to mind when I read your OP

and

Yellowtip · 15/08/2012 22:27

I'd be fuming too. 17 and 18 is easily old enough to see things are ok for your return, however slummy they kept it while you were away.

Original poster

alemci · 15/08/2012 22:32

thanks Mildred i remember the add well. it wasn't that bad but maybe my YD's room may be heading that way

OP posts:

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