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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

house messy when i returned from holiday

95 replies

alemci · 15/08/2012 13:51

I went away with my DS and DH but left my 2 EDs at home (17,18) as they had work committments etc. I texted my ed when we were at the airport so she knew exactly when we were back. my mum also kept an eye from a distance on them. I was pretty jet lagged when i returned and TBH i was reluctant to go away in the first place as i just kind of knew what would happen. asked them not to have parties or too many people round but expected bf and friends to have been there at some point which is fair enough.

got back, kitchen messy with washing up, hoover out in the middle of hall, clothes from friends left in hall, rubbish not put out (4 bags) and recycling overflowing. some beer bottles left in garden

dd in lounge, messy carpet. My bedlinen on line even though my bed was changed before we went. her friend and her had stayed in my room. was not happy about this as it is my personal space and it felt like an invasion of privacy.

we had a row and she stormed out. she accused me of be OCD and that all i cared about was the house. I just wanted to come back to a clean house which i had left. the house feels dirty and i feel exhausted. it is bad enough being jet lagged normally without all this. she went out and stayed at a friends. the YD was nowhere in sight.

also all my kitchen cupboards were in disaray as people had put things in wrong place etc even though i had cleaned them out at the start of the school holiday

I know no one is hurt and the house is still standing but i don't think i would be able to do this again as it stresses me out and hi lights how selfish they are. they want to be treated like adults but don't live up to it.

OP posts:

FrameyMcFrame · 15/08/2012 14:38

Doesn't sound too bad to be honest. I'm sure we did worse when left home alone as teens...

Just leave it all a mess and get some sleep. It will seem better when you're not tired...

Unless you are one of these obsessively tidy and clean people who cannot rest until every mote of dust is banished and every tin is stacked regimental like. If so, it's your own fault for being a freak :)

BelieveInPink · 15/08/2012 14:39

I remember being 18 too, and don't feel that's an excuse to be honest.

Me and my brother made mess but the day before they got back we made the place immaculate. Not a thing out of place.

It's called respect and consideration. Two things your children didn't have. YANBU, I don't blame you for being livid.

FelicitywasSarca · 15/08/2012 14:39

Things put away in the wrong cupboards does sound a little OCD.

Shit does it? Think I might need a docs appointment then... This would seriously annoy me too.

Original poster

alemci · 15/08/2012 14:42

I suppose i am the one who organises the kitchen. the girls know where things go but i suspect other people were there and didn't.

I think i use my house as a coping mechanism. I tried to explain this to my ED and have done so many a time. if the house is messy it makes me feel bad. i am sure this is the case for alot of mums but my DD's make me feel like there is something wrong with me for being this way. It is probably a control thing but at least i can control it.

they just do as they please now but i suppose this is normal at their age. i prefer it when they are not around as they irritate me.

perhaps i should have written things down but TBH they know how i tick and they are old enough to clear up properly.

not leave washing up and messy kitchen sides etc.

OOH they did do some washing and at least nothing was trashed other than one of my solar lights.

also we don't have much money and it has taken us a long time to have a reasonable house.

perhaps i have been to lenient but hopefully they will realise when they have their own houses/ families etc. my ED says she will never be like this with her kids.

OP posts:

peeriebear · 15/08/2012 14:44

I remember when my 17yo friend's parents went away for a week and left him at home (we were all 15-17.) We went WILD having a whole house to ourselves for the week- ordered takeaways, bought carrier bags full of junk food, got shitfaced, slept in all the beds. However what we did do was CLEAN THE PLACE UP entirely before his parents came home. No doubt it wasn't to his mum's usual standard but it was certainly good enough to hide the fact it had housed a legion of feral teens for the week.

everlong · 15/08/2012 14:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Almostfifty · 15/08/2012 14:45

I think you're right to be upset. We went away leaving three boys at home and came back to a spotless kitchen, tidy living room and even remotely clean bathroom.

Mind you, they had been warned.

Obviously not cleaned to my expectations, but it was certainly not a mess by any standards.

Mind you, the Dyson came out first thing the next morning.

HazleNutt · 15/08/2012 14:46

I dont' get the "oh poor darlings, you can't expect anything from else from teenagers" attitude. They are 17 and 18! My parents left me home alone way earlier than that and of course the house was spotless when they returned.
YANBU to be livid.

oldraver · 15/08/2012 14:47

When I used to go away for the weekend I would sometimes get a txt off of my DS1 asking if I was home that night (Sunday). I used to get guilt pangs as I thought DS was hoping I would be home.

He eventually told me him and my DB were in collusion and just wanted to know if they could leave all the dishes for another day

MissFaversam · 15/08/2012 14:53

Of course they're going to mess the place up but they should also clean it up after.

When DS has a few mates round crammed into his room I text an hour before getting home telling him to start the tidying process.

shesariver · 15/08/2012 14:55

thoughtless, selfish, moody, disrespectful ....
sounds like a couple of teenagers to me.

Sounds a nightmare and I wouldnt be happy but to be expected really. We have left DS1 at home now when we holiday for the last 2 years. Last year I was quite impressed with the house, especially the tidy kitchen. Later on he showed us a picture of the kitchen literally an hour before we arrived, bombsite wasnt the word!

This year we arrived back after midnight after a long drive from France to Glasgow to be met with a kitchen that can only be described as a biohazard. His exact words were "I thought about doing dishes but it made me feel ill"!....when he ran out of plates and cutlery he just knocked off waste into a bin bag (which was still there) - and started all over again. The best of it is we have a dishwasher!!!!

And then there was the bathroom, we had to throw out a few towels from the bottom of the washing bin, they would be more at home in a science lab than a bathroom going by the amount of strange things that were growing on them! They had obviously got wet and he just chucked clothes on top of them.

Ah looking forward to next year already!

Margerykemp · 15/08/2012 14:59

"I prefer it when they're not around because they irritate me"

If your DDs have picked up on the fact that you don't care for them then no wonder they have no respect for you and no desire to please you.

It sounds like you do have OCD and even if they had reasonable tidied you would have still found something to complain about- I mean cupboards- really?

NewRowSees · 15/08/2012 15:03

Unacceptable! That's just a lack of respect on their parts. At 17 and 18 they should be mature enough by now to realise how unpleasant that was to come back to. I'd assume girls would be more considerate in that respect, but obviously not.

Margery, it's her house and it should be left in whatever condition left it in. It's called respect.

bubalou · 15/08/2012 15:13

I'm 26 so it wasn't really that many years ago when I was a similar age (OK it was long enough but I remember it well) and me and my sister who is a yearr younger than me were left alone whilst mum, dad, younger bro and younger sis went on holiday. We were doing our own thing by this age.

Did we leave the house messy - quite simply -FUCK NO! Why? Because we knew that a) it would upset our mum to come back to that and b) she would bollock us if we did!!!!!

I don't think you are being unreasonable but next time you leave them maybe be clear that if you are to trust them enough to leave them on their own then they need to treat the house properly and not leave it in such a state!

samandi · 15/08/2012 15:15

Can't believe people think this is normal/acceptable behaviour from 17/18 year olds. I never acted in that kind of way when I was that age, in fact I would've gone out of my way to ensure the place was spotless for when my parents returned.

HecateHarshPants · 15/08/2012 15:23

Well, it is typical behaviour.

Typical or expected behaviour is not the same as saying it is an ok thing or a great thing. It's about being realistic.

There are far more teenagers who would have wild parties and leave the place a tip than there are who would go all kim and aggie on the place.

That isn't to say that's what you want them to do, or that you condone it. But there's no point pretending that's not the reality of it for many, many teens.

And yes, you get cross and yes you make them clean it up. But you should know what they are likely to do! Shouldn't you?

reluctanttownie · 15/08/2012 15:24

I don't think it's inevitable that teenagers will behave like this. Most of my friends did, but some didn't and I never would have dreamed of it.

I admit to thinking that my mother was overly bothered about the state of her house but I am too now I have my own house and anything in it that gets spoiled will have to be paid for by me. Plus some things I like are irreplaceable.

bubalou · 15/08/2012 15:34

The point is that although this might be typical behaviour for some 17 - 18 year old's it certainly isn't something I would be happy with.

I wouldn't have dared let my mum come back to the house in a state, not only because I was worried about being told off but because I wouldn't have wanted my poor mum to have come back to that.

It's very selfish - typical behaviour or not.

MammyToMany · 15/08/2012 15:38

My mum left me at home when I was 15 for 3 nights.

I had friends over, we smoked in the living room, drank, used every plate and cup, made a right mess.

I lost my virginity in my mums bed

Luckily the neighbour realised what was going on and came round to tidy up before my mum was due home.

It's only now I realise how disrespectful I was.

bubalou · 15/08/2012 15:39

Paha - MammyToMany

Starting to realise that I wasn't as bad as a teenager as I thought!

Flobbadobs · 15/08/2012 15:45

When I was 19 and my sister 16 we had a party when our parents went on holiday ang I mean a party. For 2 days. Our neighbours came and everything, it was nuts. The day after it finished we got everyone who was still there up and got everyone cleaning everywhere and our parents came home the following day to a sparkling house. Which of course made them suspicious!
They went to the neighbours, got the full story but couldn't really shout at us as the house shone and nothing was broken...
Lesson learnt for your DC's next time. Tidy up before parents come home

Lemonylemon · 15/08/2012 15:47

"my ED says she will never be like this with her kids."

I'll lay a pound to a penny that she is

HecateHarshPants · 15/08/2012 15:47

Oh I agree with you. It is very selfish. And disrespectful.

HecateHarshPants · 15/08/2012 15:48

oh, I must have missed that!

Get her to write that out, then you can frame it and give it back to her when her first child hits 13

TeapotsInJune · 15/08/2012 15:58

Ah, this happens. I must admit I remember when I was 17 my dad left tolive with another woman and left me in the house alone for a month then would come back for a week. I'd be all excited to see him and then he'd just kick off about the house - that was upsetting. Just grit your teeth and tell them to help you clean!

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