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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is my mum right?

136 replies

biddysmama · 15/08/2012 10:53

she calls me 'smother mother' because i wont leave my children, i baby wear,co sleep,extended breastfeed

she doesnt agree with what i do and thinks i need to teach them that im not always there

they are 6 months,2 and 3..the 3 year old starts nursery this tim and has had no problems at her settling in sessions even tho she'd never been away from me before that

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/08/2012 10:56

If it works for you and your kids, that's all that matters.

As long as you afford them some independence as they gradually get older, I don't see a problem.

pictish · 15/08/2012 10:58

What worra said.

Original poster
biddysmama · 15/08/2012 11:00

she keeps telling me i have to let her take them ive said no but shes going on and on, apart from the fact that i dont want them away from me, i wouldnt trust her anyway

OP posts:
midori1999 · 15/08/2012 11:01

It's quite unpleasant of your Mum to call you that. Sad

Do what suits you and your family. Your children will learn to be independent in their own time and they will let you know when/if they want more independence.

BagofHolly · 15/08/2012 11:02

Why don't you trust her?

pictish · 15/08/2012 11:02

Why wouldn't you trust her...if you don't mind me asking?

Original poster
biddysmama · 15/08/2012 11:02

shes trying to tell me im damaging them by keeping them close

OP posts:
BagofHolly · 15/08/2012 11:03

Is that why you don't trust her though?

LemonBreeland · 15/08/2012 11:03

It sounds like she is jealous as she wants to spend time alone with them. There is nothing wrong with parenting the way you want to.

Original poster
biddysmama · 15/08/2012 11:04

i dont trust her because she doesnt agree with what i do, she tries to undermind me while im there in front of them,she belives in smacking and shouting and doesnt believe passive smoking is harmful and tells me i dont have to use a car seat all the time..... so the complete opposite of me..

OP posts:
DoItOnce · 15/08/2012 11:04

Repeat Mother, you have had to chance to raise your children. Now it's my turn. You can also add a so butt out if you want.

It's ironic the she accuses you of smothery mothering whilst not leaving you alone.

Original poster
biddysmama · 15/08/2012 11:07

and also cio/cc/ not picking them up when they cry...something i am strongly against

OP posts:
BagofHolly · 15/08/2012 11:07

It's up to you how you parent, but if it's so very different to her ways then she might feel very judged and criticised when actually she's just doing it how she knows. From her pint of view your actions could be very hurtful, even if that's not your intention.

Jelly15 · 15/08/2012 11:07

Sounds like you and your children are happy - don't let your mum spoil things.
My MIL and SIL were always trying to take my DSs away from me when they were babies saying they have to learn to mix. I had to tell them that they mix well with others in my company, lots of mate with children same age, so why do they need to be taken away from their mother to do that.

diddl · 15/08/2012 11:07

When she says that you "won´t leave your children"-does she mean with her??

Don´t you ever leave them with their father?

Original poster
biddysmama · 15/08/2012 11:11

if dh isnt working then we are together, i dont need to leave them with him

OP posts:
TheBirderer · 15/08/2012 11:11

I wouldn't be keen on letting her take them either, if she's lax on safety (car seats and smoking) and keen on smacking. I would hate it if anyone smacked my children. and I think you're doing the right thing here. The fact that your eldest settled in so well to nursery indicates that you aren't smothering or damaging them at all, you have a secure bond and they're fine.

BagofHolly · 15/08/2012 11:11

So you never just pop out alone? Or go on nights out?

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2012 11:13

Do you ever go out on your own and let them enjoy some time with their dad?

Thumbwitch · 15/08/2012 11:15

Are YOU happy with the situation?
If you are, then ignore her. She's just trying to goad you into letting her take "care" of them - but since she is so disrespectful of your parenting choices, I don't in the slightest blame you for preferring not to allow her any chance to inflict her own choices on them!

What you're doing is fine. If your DD is going into nursery and has no problems settling, then she's also fine.

Seriously, just ignore the goading from your mother.

Original poster
biddysmama · 15/08/2012 11:16

he gets up with them at the weekend and does bathtime :)

OP posts:
Original poster
biddysmama · 15/08/2012 11:17

im not stopping my husband from spending time with them btw, he works during the week so we spend weekends together

OP posts:
HoopDePoop · 15/08/2012 11:19

Your children, your choice. Tbh every parenting style has its advantages and drawbacks, there's no one right way, and I'm with you - you may as well let your children feel loved and happy if there is no right or wrong! I doubt cc or CIO does much harm but I'd rather not. My business. If your mother won't respect your wishes don't leave her alone with them. She doesn't have a divine right just because she's your mum, I had to leave my 6mo with my (similar) mum while i worked for a few weeks and she kept leaving him to cry. She won't be looking after him again.

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2012 11:19

Fair enough

I'd just carry on doing what you're doing and ignore your Mum

pictish · 15/08/2012 11:20

Hmmm...I dunno. You do sound a bit on the posessive side tbh.

I believe in every parent doing what suits them....their routine, their way, their set up.

However, I don't much tally with those who have nothing in their life but their children. It's all a bit mercenary for me!

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