is my mum right?

[biddysmama]

she calls me 'smother mother' because i wont leave my children, i baby wear,co sleep,extended breastfeed

she doesnt agree with what i do and thinks i need to teach them that im not always there

they are 6 months,2 and 3..the 3 year old starts nursery this tim and has had no problems at her settling in sessions even tho she'd never been away from me before that

Good gracious! So all of us who were brought up a generation ago where we DID get a smacked bum, and told to eat up cos there was nothing else, were physically and emotionally abused and should cut off contact with our parents? ("never darken my door" as you said.)
Seriously? You're off your rocker.

Last comment for Dawndonna.

I find it a bit odd how this thread has polarised. No-one has seriously suggested the OP leave her children with her mother while these issues are unresolved. I also don't recall anyone suggesting leaving your DCs so you can go 'out on the lash' is some sort of parenting rite of passage either. But I do personally believe that to have no time for yourself for - what? 6 years (tries to add on fingers and fails) is putting yourself on dodgy ground. And actually I don't count having a soak or a long lie (lovely though those things are) because ultimately you are still 'on call' should something happen while you're in the house.

I'm not sure where you're getting 6 years from, the OP's oldest child is 3 years old.

The OP has said she gets time to herself, she likes knitting and sewing amongst other things and spends time doing these, but just arranges it around when her DC are having naps or in bed. She also says she gets time to herself at the weekends when her DH gets up with the DC.

She hasn't said she has never popped to the shop for a pint of milk while her DH sits with the DC, although maybe she prefers to send her DH instead. She hasn't said she doesn't have any friends or never goes anywhere (she has said she goes ot toddler groups and soft play) or lives a life of isolation.

I appreciate that some people wouldn't like having no time alone with their grandchild in three years, but if you were doing things or believed in doing things that would be percieved as unsafe by the majority of society (not using a car seat for example) would you really be suprised? Would you then resort to calling your DD names because of it?

I don't see why doing something you love, eg. spending all your time with your DC, makes you a 'martyr' either.

i dont trust her because she doesnt agree with what i do, she tries to undermind me while im there in front of them,she belives in smacking and shouting and doesnt believe passive smoking is harmful and tells me i dont have to use a car seat all the time..... so the complete opposite of me..

shes told me to smack them, told them they will be smacked (for normal toddler behaviour imo) told them they wont have anything else to eat if they dont eat all their food (which i dont agree with) told me off for picking up my crying baby and told me to leave her to cry so she learns i wont go running for her

I'm really off my rocker.

Actually she was repeatedly asked if she ever goes anywhere at all by herself and did not reply. Nothing she said indicated that she ever left the house without her children.

Anyway, she's gone now.

Midori, I think wilson is saying 6 years from having her first to when the youngest goes to nursery. Not 6 years to date.
It does strike me as strange that some people are very AP until the child is old enough for free nursery then its ok to 'let them be more independent'.

Dawn I read your comments earlier and have been thinking about them.

I think its actually quite offensive as you're implying that not only I but my mother are abusive parents.

The OP never said she was physically or emotionally abused you have made that leap.

It would seem to be common sense that if you want to spend time with your gcs, you do not insult or mock their mother. Instead, you offer support and understanding. It could go a very long away.

Just a thought.

Sorry, not intending to offend anybody. Also, have eaten now, which I should have done hours ago. Apologies.
My personal opinion is that it does sound a bit abusive, as the mother won't leave it be and appears to be continually undermining the op.
As for those of you that smack etc and choose to parent differently from me, those are your choices and not my business. I personally would never smack a child, but that's due in a very large part to the fact that my mother would not know the difference between a smack and a battering.

midori I actually don't think she should leave the DCs with the grandmother, and I meant the 6 years in terms of having her first child and her third going to nursery.

She does live a life of isolation. Seeing people only through the prism of your children (soft play, playgroups) is isolating. Of course this is her choice, none of my business, clearly she's happy with it, etc etc but is socially isolated.