I hate my mother in law

[bubalou]

Hate is a strong word. This is a vent - apologies for length.

If I never saw my mother in law again would I care - not at all.

My DH is golden boy - at 36 he is still the apple of her eye and his 39 year old sister is oh so aware of this (poor her).

I don't want to ramble too much but she is just a horrible person. His dad is nice but I don't know how she managed to raise such a nice, well rounded man like my DH - that however is the only compliment she will get from me.

She has never liked me. I don't know why - I think I'm nice. I'm a good wife - we have been married over 5 years now & our DS just turned 4 & he is her only grandchild. I have never cheated, never broken up with him even, never done anything wrong. I think I'm a great mum - I didn't work for 2 years so I could dedicate my time to DS, Now he is older I work 36 hours a week, look after him, my husband and run the family home. Lots of love to all my fellow working mums - my god it's hard!!!!

Bottom line. She is horrible. Any excuse to have a dig at me. I work Mondays - Thursdays. My DS goes to nursery Mon, Wed, Thurs. She has him at my house on a Tuesday. Don't get me wrong I appreciate it - but it is a nightmare! I have to see her every week!

She does sooooo many things to annoy me on purpose. I found out about 9 months ago when they had taken DS out for a meal they let him have a whole glass of coke. 'But it was diet' they said. I went mental and told them under no circumstances was he to have coke. The next week they took him out and he came back and told me he had lemonade!!!! I asked her if he was joking - she looked at me, smiled & said 'well you said no coke'. This is just 1% of the shit I have to put up with.

This isn't me being size-ist - she is fat. Not 'I'm trying to lose weight fat' but - I eat what I wan't don't care and hate everybody that is smaller than me fat. His sister is fat and DH was too as a child due to what she fed him - he resents her for this as he now lives a very healthy lifestyle.

She is always trying to feed my son crap!!! They don't bring him round 1 chocolate bar a week - they will bring 3 big bags of smarties, jelly babies etc, a cake from gregs and feed him what he wants. I have to lay out all his food and give her times to give it to him or she just feeds him crisps. She has even put the healthy snacks in the bin before and I found them. I came home one day to find his lunch still in the fridge - when I asked her why she said 'he just wanted crisps'!!!! WTF!!!!!

I have heard her say horrible things about me - in my own house, she is rude to my family and has openly slagged off my mum (not being biased but she is wonderful) My husbands nan (his dads mum) died a few months back, another person who hated my MIL. My FIL got a little drunk at the wake - as some people do when dealing with grief and when I drove him home he said to me 'I don't care what horrible things 'MIL' says about your mum and dad, I think they're lovely'!!!

I can't talk to DH about this because after all the years as soon as I mention his mum he knows it will be bad. Thank god my DS starts school in 1 month and I won't have to see her every week but she will still be having him over half terms etc.

I have tried dealing with her but don't know how to handle things without hurting DH feelings.

Sorry for the REALLY long message - honestly I could moan about this woman for hours on the things she does!

OP I feel your pain. My DH chose years ago to go NC with his parents (for a damn good reason)
However before this I always tried my best with her. She made it clear she preferred my DH ex - who dropped her like a sack of shit for ATTENDING HER ONLY SONS WEDDING. In short she was a shit non maternal disinterested mother who thought it appropriate to comment on my parenting. Yes I was young but I had been looking after younger siblings since the age of 15 I had a lot more experience with kids than she did.
The final straw with me (before my DH ) was when she smacked my DDs hand at about 16 months old. Fuck me she's lucky my DD didn't cry because I'd have belted the nasty bitch out of the front door. Not long after my DH saw them for what they really were and it's been NC ever since. A toxic MIL can be so stressful - mine came to hospital to visit our DD after a traumatic birth and EMCS and didn't even speak to me! (DH and I were having problems at the time) in hindsight I should have told her to leave - I'm sorry now that either my mum, step mum or sister weren't there cos she'd have had her arse handed to her!
Stop taking her shit because from what you've said you don't deserve it and you are doing the best you can

ZOMBIE THREAD

The OP posted in 2012, I imagine the situation has moved on by now.

FFS!

Pay for childcare then. If you can't pay for all the days MIL covers then just pay for 2. Keep her at arms length

I never quite understand all the frothing MIL threads. How on earth do people manage to spend SO much time in their MILs company, especially when said MIL doesn't even live with them? Must be great time managers.

But if you really don't want to be in her company it seems to me there are ways of minimising that. You have to choose between convenience and peace of mind. She doesn't like you, you don't like her those are the things you have to weigh up really.

Is this her OP

I know the problem. I've have a similar issue for about 12 years, and not on and off but 6 month visits each year.

It is very hard but pick your battles. The sweet thing is the biggest issue. The rest you MUST ignore. Get a tin with a timer on it. When the sweets arrive he gets one. Then into the tin. One sweet a day when the tin opens.

You cannot change anything she does when at the house. So take control of everything else.

Some mils are just bitchy. What shut mine up on the judges side was discovering I earn more than DH.

Wish we could afford to not use mil for childcare

Oh Damn. This is ancient

Your 4-year-old son had a glass of lemonade once. On a Tuesday. The one day a week your mil has him.

He had a glass of coke once. He has crisps on Tuesdays. He had crisps for lunch once because he wouldn't eat the healthy lunch you packed for him and his grandmother let him.

We are no contact with my inlaws because they are truly evil. OP, if your post above is all you got, your mil is a saint.

You're right that she should respect your directives on what to feed ds. I hope you can find a way to make her understand how important it is to you, to many of us, to get our children started on the right track with healthy eating. Once they start having junk food they will want more. On the other hand, you may realize in a few years that a few treats are fine and your ds eats pretty healthy on balance as my ds does.

My mother gave my son coke and ensure when I wouldn't have chosen to do so, but their bond is very special and I know she is coming from a place of love and spoiling her six grandchildren, the light of her life.

There may be more to this and these annoying food sabotages are the last straw.

There's nothing wrong with lemonade and just the one time, surely? Wow!

I wonder how many times he ended up having lemonade in the last 3 years? :)

Or perhaps even coke, Goodnightdarthvader. Horror of horrors.

Tbf to the OP the point is that the MIL was blatantly going against her wishes. She may as well have just said 'fuck off I will give your son what I like'
I know this is an old thread but I know that if my DH hadn't decided to go NC with his parents then my twat of a mother in law would have undoubtedly been doing things like this now, and I would have been hopping mad every time

I suppose I should read the whole thread.

But I think I get the cut of your jib OP.

Sort your own childcare out.

Oh who the fuck resurrected this pile of poo?

I posted a GIANT picture of a ZOMBIE MIL and still it's suckering people in - this thread is evil !!!

Hi

I can relate to what you are going through, now after nearly seven years I'm starting to hate her and I really mean HATE. My farther in law can be the same but for some reason even when he is hurtful I don't feel like tearing my own eyes out.

Truthfully, I have never spoken about this to anybody externsl that wasn't professional but when I read your entry it just so much up my ally and I had to mention how I feel.

I can't cope any more, is one of the reason why I am sharing and you mentioned whether there is anyone else that feels the same??l well thats me.

I hope you will reply

This thread just will not go away

ZOMBIE ***

Maybe zombie, but maybe people are using the search button and coming across the thread via typing in the same type of issues in the search box.
Not always forced to notice the date, and MIL problems are surely a hotly searched for topic.

Begum You can chat to me if you like?? X

Mother in laws are never there to be on their daughter in laws side. Everything you say is something they will go against. I'm only married for a year and I have a little child. I got pregnant before getting married and when I found out my mom in law was the most amazing woman to me. Then I got married and then I had my baby who was born premature at 7 months. And she literally just took over my life and my duties.. She was there everyday and for the first
pfour months of my marriage and two months after my child was born she drove me nuts. Comments and doing things I never liked a d I never said a word because she did a lot for me and husband. But eventually it got a bit much and I spoke to my DH about it. I'm an extremely strong personality and I can be arrogant and entitled at times but I simply made him realise that if she was there all the time I would never have family time with him and my little one. We eventually settles for visits twice a week and when I need her to watch my daughter she's always there. She used to do as she pleases but I've had a talk about all that with her. My little one is ten months now and we seldom have problems but when we do I make sure to nip it in the bud. My advice, there's no need to diddle diddle with anyone. The rules that apply to my mum and dad concerning my little one apply to her and if they don't like it then they won't get to watch her. I believe that as much as mum in laws have had kids and feel they know what's good, the child's mother should set the ruling considering that you're the one who would essentially know your child best and want what's best. Not many people would agree but it's something I believe in. If help and advice are needed then I wouldn't hesitate to ask and if I'm making a mistake then I would learn. All females in my family tho have had nasty mother in laws and I didn't want to judge and be prejudiced. I just keep my distance and that way there's no friction and the live is better when we do spend time together. I wouldn't say I love her but I like her. Guess you gotta do what you feel is right. And guys seem to be always be afraid of friction between their mom's and wives so I try to make it easier for him by sorting my differences myself and making it known when I dislike anything. As does the MIL. altho I think she may be a bit wary of me since the last altercation where I really lost my cool. I may be slightly assertive and I think I tend to frighten people off but I believe in standing up for myself and my child irrespective.

Wow. Mumsnet really is a place for unpleasant girls. MrsKeithRichards and squeakytoy are just the kind of Mum's you'd want to befriend, aren't they?

Bubalou, I hope you've either since sorted out your MIL issue or joined The Motherload on Facebook, for further advice and support. X

These issues with in laws can really get people down. Sometimes they can cause depressed feelings and even feelings of really not wanting to be anywhere near them.

I personally think it's every person to their own situation really.

I've lived with the for a long time and really bits time to move on, unfortunately it's not that simple. It's all because of the our Asian culture. It's to lengthy to explain.

It's starting to feel ok to let it off my chest now. These forums are great to unload abit and share issues and even take advice where applicable.

Yeah hi. I think I have the worst mil in the world. I have never hated anyone more than her. She disrespects my whole family she’s the reason I know so much about my husbands exes from going on about them and comparing me to them ( the good things we share). She pushed me when I was pregnant after nearly having a miscarriage 1 week after coming out of hospital. I have always been nice to her and tried to be with her like my own mum but no she is mentally unstable. She just always acts like a spoilt brat and she’s so selfish. I hate her I can’t wvwn trust her with my baby and go to work as she is crazy and shit with children she tried to put her boob in my sis in laws daughters mouth “to see if the baby would recognise that it’s not it’s mother” she’s the most annoying person.

THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD