I hate my mother in law

[bubalou]

Hate is a strong word. This is a vent - apologies for length.

If I never saw my mother in law again would I care - not at all.

My DH is golden boy - at 36 he is still the apple of her eye and his 39 year old sister is oh so aware of this (poor her).

I don't want to ramble too much but she is just a horrible person. His dad is nice but I don't know how she managed to raise such a nice, well rounded man like my DH - that however is the only compliment she will get from me.

She has never liked me. I don't know why - I think I'm nice. I'm a good wife - we have been married over 5 years now & our DS just turned 4 & he is her only grandchild. I have never cheated, never broken up with him even, never done anything wrong. I think I'm a great mum - I didn't work for 2 years so I could dedicate my time to DS, Now he is older I work 36 hours a week, look after him, my husband and run the family home. Lots of love to all my fellow working mums - my god it's hard!!!!

Bottom line. She is horrible. Any excuse to have a dig at me. I work Mondays - Thursdays. My DS goes to nursery Mon, Wed, Thurs. She has him at my house on a Tuesday. Don't get me wrong I appreciate it - but it is a nightmare! I have to see her every week!

She does sooooo many things to annoy me on purpose. I found out about 9 months ago when they had taken DS out for a meal they let him have a whole glass of coke. 'But it was diet' they said. I went mental and told them under no circumstances was he to have coke. The next week they took him out and he came back and told me he had lemonade!!!! I asked her if he was joking - she looked at me, smiled & said 'well you said no coke'. This is just 1% of the shit I have to put up with.

This isn't me being size-ist - she is fat. Not 'I'm trying to lose weight fat' but - I eat what I wan't don't care and hate everybody that is smaller than me fat. His sister is fat and DH was too as a child due to what she fed him - he resents her for this as he now lives a very healthy lifestyle.

She is always trying to feed my son crap!!! They don't bring him round 1 chocolate bar a week - they will bring 3 big bags of smarties, jelly babies etc, a cake from gregs and feed him what he wants. I have to lay out all his food and give her times to give it to him or she just feeds him crisps. She has even put the healthy snacks in the bin before and I found them. I came home one day to find his lunch still in the fridge - when I asked her why she said 'he just wanted crisps'!!!! WTF!!!!!

I have heard her say horrible things about me - in my own house, she is rude to my family and has openly slagged off my mum (not being biased but she is wonderful) My husbands nan (his dads mum) died a few months back, another person who hated my MIL. My FIL got a little drunk at the wake - as some people do when dealing with grief and when I drove him home he said to me 'I don't care what horrible things 'MIL' says about your mum and dad, I think they're lovely'!!!

I can't talk to DH about this because after all the years as soon as I mention his mum he knows it will be bad. Thank god my DS starts school in 1 month and I won't have to see her every week but she will still be having him over half terms etc.

I have tried dealing with her but don't know how to handle things without hurting DH feelings.

Sorry for the REALLY long message - honestly I could moan about this woman for hours on the things she does!

Please any advice is great full!
My mother in law has upset me a lot and keeps making comments making me feel unworthy.
She blatantly favours the other 3 grandchildren one boy by her daughter and two daughters by OH brother.
Our son is least favoured. And so are we! I am expecting our second child and my OH had in the past expressed a desire for a little girl. Our son is autistic and I chose not to find out the sex this time around as subsequent boys are more likely to be autistic and I didn't want to spend half the pregnancy worrying if our second born will also have the same fate as our first.
I have had to subsequently endure comments from her which conveniently she says when my OH is not around. Such as the time she asked me why I didn't want to find out the sex so I can be prepared in case it is a girl!! And she also pointed at my baby bump and said her son is going to be devastated if 'that baby wasn't a girl'. More recently again with a lot of things making us think we were having another boy ( such as the size of baby growing big like my son did) she said 'I do hope it's a girl for my spans sake'! Baring in mind this is whilst Im 36 weeks pregnant! IS it just me or do I have a right to be angry?! I did not know how to reply so didn't really stick up for myself or the fact my unborn child was probably another boy! But I am fuming now! My OH is very laid back and would never bring it to her attention and just says 'just ignore it' of course I won't be devastated if it's another boy'! I can't help feeling that nobody wants my baby and all everyone can do is focus on the gender rather than the joy of a new baby. There's lots of other things too. His brother has 2 girls and their pictures are splashed all over her house and she always try's to rub my nose in it by picking one of he baby girls up and putting her on my OHs lap for a cuddle. She also displays lots of his brother and his gf all around the house but has none of me and my OH despite me giving her a couple of nice pics we had taken when we got engaged! I don't want to bring anything up or start a feud in the family but I'm so upset. I wish I had some comebacks I could use when she starts making these comments to me. Clever witty things to say to stop her in her tracks when she starts. My mum thinks a lot of it is jealousy as we have ok jobs and a spare bit of money for holidays etc and just buyin a new house which she had not one positive thing to say about it! I know she also makes comments about my mum and dads good fortune when they are the kindest people even inviting her to use their holiday home for free!! Please help with suggestions!!

People on this thread have been so mean to this woman. If you don't have any polite, constructive advice then leave her alone!
Little things like the coke issue build up after a while and it would really annoy me as it's blatant disrespect. Your mother in law sounds like a kid herself and if I was you I would put your son in paid for childcare as she doesn't sound worth the grief you have to put up with. Your husband should be supporting you and having a word with her as well or you're just going to be fighting a one woman battle.

Great advice for the OP on a THREE YEAR OLD THREAD.

MNHQ, any way of making the zombie warning BIGGER? Maybe blinking like a 1995 MySpace gif?

Welcome to AIBU

Use school as an opportunity to sort out breakfast club and a childminder. Do a mix so you have back up cover.

You need to get DH on side but you could explain that you want his parents to have grandparent time with your DS rather than regular childcare. So they can treat and spoil him, just for one day in half term, not 5. I'd even sacrifice annual leave to ensure you don't get into a regular routine of them doing holiday childcare. We also use the argument that my parents need to see DD too so PIL couldn't have DD every day. You need to break the routine before the first school holiday.

We moved from regular GP childcare to mostly CM & breakfast club. It was easy for us as DH and I were both in agreement.

Stop her having him and send him to nursery instead. If she wants to know why, tell her 'Because I don't want him having junk food all the time.'

If she slags off your family, tell her 'That's not an acceptable thing to say and you need to apologise.'

Stand up for yourself. Tell your DH to take a hike if he gets upset; he should be standing up for you too.

Ignore the posters fixating on petty details.

ZOMBIE THREAD!!!

Fuck, I didn't notice it was an old thread!

No zombie warning on the phone app!

Poor you. I have a pain of a MIL. She used to winge to me while I was pregnant about how exausted she was all the time. She does NOTHING. No work and 1 dog walk a day! So many things, like you, add up to my dislike. Mostly I can ignore, but I'm struggling to leave the boys with her now as I don't feel they will have a nice time (and other reasons). I am totally with you though. My boys have never had fizzy drinks at all. That is my choice and people will probably think it's stupid, but they don't need it/it's horrific for they teeth (and the rest of their body) so what is the point of introducing it to them?? I would go CRAZY if somebody gave it to my children. My course of action with my MIL would be to send an email (she does all comms this way) and say clearly that I didn't want him to have any fizzy drinks and tell her what she drinks in the day. Copy in DH what you are doing. Explain somehow that if she can't parent how you would like then he will need to go to nursery.
Good luck! Feel your pain. At least she wants to see him. Mine isn't even really that bothered...

Zombie threads give me the rage. Is it so hard to read til the last page?

Ooh, that rhymes.

ZOMBIE THREAD

Blimey, this thread just won't die will it?

See, even back in 2012 my jokes were not funny

Unfollow the thread if you don't want to see new posts then. Jeeeez!

I got no zombie warning and am on a laptop. i just read whole thread from beginning - GAH! Lol at the joke, Worra.

Stop her looking after your DS and put him in nursery or get a childminder. You can't do much about the other stuff but I don't know how you can tolerate her looking after him when you disagree so fundamentally with every single thing she says, does and is.

Pff. Bloody hell I hate it when that happens.

The zombie alert should be at the beginning. Or MNHQ should lock threads after a few weeks.

Merry There's no zombie warning NOW because people keep posting (guilty, yer honour) and have therefore revived it.

I thought your joke was very clever Worra.!

I assume that the OP's DS is now well on his way through primary school after more than three years.

overthehillmum - I just love opal fruits. Score 1 for mum.

In your OP you made several references to being a 'good wife' and a 'good mum' and I am sure that you are both of these things.

However I get the sense that you feel you need to continually demonstrate this (which is not surprising given the shit that your Mother In Law throws at you).

My advise would be to STOP doing all of the things that you are currently doing. Put a stop to the weekly visits, put a stop to the childcare and take back control of your own child.

No-one has a 'right' to have a relationship with your child (despite what they might think)

It doesn't matter whether other people don't think fizzy drinks (for example) are a bad thing or not. If you don't want him to have them then he doesn't have them, simple as that.

I would be very wary of allowing any grandparent near my child, let alone unsupervised if they were behaving this way. The fact that she has a 'Golden Child' and a less favoured favoured child speaks volumes about the type pf woman she is. In other words, toxic, vile and cruel.

Your DH seems very reluctant to get involved in any type of conversation about his mother, even though he knows what she is like. This is understandable to a point given his upbringing but there is still no excuse for him not being on your side 100%.

Personally, what I would do now is put an immediate stop to the childcare, an immediate stop to the unsupervised time he spends with them and severely reduce the visits to your house.

Don't try to get your DH or your FIL or anyone else for that matter on your side. Do what you feel is right for your son. Everyone else has 2 choices.

1. They are on your side and will support your parenting decision. (in which case, great)

1. They are furious/upset/whatever (in which case, fuck em)

Perhaps your DH will then be forced to admit how serious an issue this has become and start to think about backing you up.

Please don't underestimate how harmful and damaging people like your MIL can be and the impact that they can have on family dynamics. At the moment, your little boy associates his Grandmother with treats and trips out an fun times but it won't be long until he starts picking up on the shite that goes with it as well.

Your MIL has done a very good number on the men/boys in her life and she will already have your DS in her sights.

So from now on, stop looking for support or validation on your parenting decisions. Decide yourself on the way forward and tell everyone (not ask) how things are going to be from now on.

Good luck OP

Oh FFS - Zombie thread!!!!!!!!! I spent frikkin ages on that post

Busyworkingmummy Just remind your MIL that it's the sperm that decides the sex of your child. So if it's a boy it's your husbands fault!

Oops. You would have had the baby by know. Hope everything turned out OK.