to be on the verge of breaking up my family because of lack of sex?

[Namechangedthistime]

It's 6 years since we last DTD or had any intimate physical contact, including kissing, many more years since the decline started. The marriage is bearable but dull and unfulfilling apart from that. Two DC under 10. I crave intimacy, DW doesn't seem bothered at all by the lack and I'm 99% sure she could never get any desire for me. Starting counselling next week.

I want to stay at home with my kids but there's this massive, gaping hole in my life where intimacy should be that's just full of sadness, resentment and rejection.

AIBU?

Cookie sorry to speak baldly, but why do you think that this relationship is going to turn out any differently over the long term? In ten years? Or twenty? Except, I suppose, if you aren't planning more children - one less potential source of stress on a relationship.

I have had a couple of long-term (8-year plus) relationships which have ended for the same reasons (no DCs involved.)

Cookie just to explain I am genuinely interested and don't intent to cast doubt, or anything.

tangibly because he is much more open communicator and so much more comfortable in his own skin. When problems arise, there is a better likelihood that they will be aired earlier between us. Intangibly, because it just feels different. Easy, natural. Much more of a team. I can't explain it better than that. We have been friends for 24 yrs. We have the measure of each other I guess.

I am not naive that we will be swinging from the chandeliers forever but the foundation feels stronger. And if over time it peters out, we will have had years of good times to precede it. I feel different now. Stronger. More adult in my decisions. Getting remarried is not something I've taken lightly. Of course nothing in life is guaranteed. But i know people who have been happily married for years and why couldn't that be us?

I don't see any reason why not cookie and wish you every happiness together.

Not sure how old your DC's are but I'm finding my pre-teens getting increasingly independent anyway if that's any comfort - they are away this weekend on a summer hols workshop for example

OhGood - DC are 6 and 9.

SGB - gotcha. Sorry, I'd misunderstood.

Cookie - thanks for the heartfelt post, I'm glad that you're happier now. It sounds as if you've done it well, to split without animosity and the DC doing OK. Was your ex understanding about the split? Did he know it was coming, and did he try to fight it?

Oh cookie. That post is so sad, and really resonates with me. I am very happy for you in that you have a good relationship now.

Oh cookie. That post is so sad, and really resonates with me. I am very happy for you in that you have a good relationship now.

Cookie reading your post gives me hope. Im glad you have found new happiness with a loving partner.

Hi OP sorry it's taken me a while to respond. I am currently staying with IL's so it's difficult to get downtime.

To respond to your comments. He is on ADs (only for the last 6 months) whilst it does make a difference to his mood, it does affect his libido. He has acknowledged this (as he is in a better place) but the change in medication has made no difference.

He will not consider "the snip" currently. We have discussed it.

After reading the posts about people in similar situations I don't feel there is much hope for my relationship with my DH. I do love him dearly, but he has other issues which he really needs to sort out (alcohol dependence), before we can progress on any other level. It's all so weird that there are these issues. Outwardly we seem like a nice "normal" couple, with 2 kids and a great life ... wow! the reality is so different.

Good luck with it, Humblebumble.Know what you mean about what goes on behind the curtains - I think that's one reason MN is so compelling!