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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To be annoyed that a complete stranger picked up my child and tried to play with him!

332 replies

Sunny08 · 06/08/2012 19:29

Went to a beautiful wedding on saturday, on sunday we had a celebration bbq. ds didn't attend wedding but did come to bbq next day. Whilst he was playing he wandered over to this group of guys and girls, and one of the girls without warning just scooped him and started spinning him round trying to get him to play. He is only 18mths and shy at the best of times. She made a comment about him being mr grumpy as he was struggling to get away from her and as I was only a few feet behind her I walked up, took him off her and said 'I'm sorry he isn't great with complete strangers especially when they just randomly pick up!' I turned and left as didn't want to cause a scene at our friends celebration. She had been drinking and I was polite but obviously annoyed - I had never before seen or spoken to this girl in my life and it was quite obvious she was trying to use my son as a 'look aren't I good with children' infront of her friends'. Apparently she complained to the bride later that I was really rude to her - AIBU? Personally I thought I was bloomin polite given what i was thinking of saying!!!

OP posts:
eurochick · 06/08/2012 20:26

You were very rude indeed.

motherinferior · 06/08/2012 20:26

I would rather love it if a random stranger hugged me at a wedding. It's been years since anyone drunkenly lurched at me.

RaisinDEritrea · 06/08/2012 20:26

hah DH punted a friend's baby off his lap, tried to catch with foot and booted poor baby quite a way Shock

luckily landed on the thick mat not hard floor, PHEW

we call him Butterfingers now

KissMyEmbroideryHoop · 06/08/2012 20:26

Jackin why wouldn't her son be ok? Hmm A girl picked him up and twirled him...she didn't shout at him and slap him or anything!

Kayano · 06/08/2012 20:26

Well he didn't like it if you were as close as you say it was your job to remove him from the situation quicker and not let him get upset when she didn't put him down straight away.

But not e rude about it

Nancy66 · 06/08/2012 20:27

"Shocked" ..!!

Why?

Somebody picked him up at a party - they didn't bundle him into the back of a van.

BupcakesandCunting · 06/08/2012 20:27

I love it at weddings when people take DS from me. More time to swig the gin.

usualsuspect · 06/08/2012 20:27

It's nothing to get worked up about though is it?

It wouldn't even register on my 'things not to do to my DC radar'

catgirl2012 · 06/08/2012 20:27

Mrcatgirl punted a child at a point-to-point, not a nightclub so is in the clear on that one Grin

LadyBeagleEyes · 06/08/2012 20:28

I'm starting to worry about all these kids that live in countries like Greece, Spain, Italy, Egypt, and are brought up being passed from pillar to post by extended family and even Perish the Thought, strangers.
They must be so traumatised.Shock Grin

BupcakesandCunting · 06/08/2012 20:28

"
Somebody picked him up at a party - they didn't bundle him into the back of a van."

Jackin · 06/08/2012 20:29

The op said he was scared. Thats why I asked.

CatholicDad · 06/08/2012 20:29

Perhaps you're right Hecate. But we should extend the principle, should we not? Babies are people too I believe. So why should people - often random people - be allowed to go round picking them up and invading their personal boundaried space and doing so without warning?

Ahem..

Here's the rub for me. OP, I don't mean to be rude, but I wonder if you have considered a possible or indeed probable link between your attitude to strangers and your son's shyness? If children are encouraged to mingle and chat and be friendly they don't tend to be shy or anxious about strangers. In my limited experience.

Having said that, yes, it's "YC,YR" :) but she obviously wasn't holding him for long as you were only a few feet behind. And she wouldn't know what your rules are although she may well have not expected them (not unreasonably, given the general consensus here) to be so strict.

A final point. I'm not sure you were rude to her in person but your comment about her motives sounds rather spiteful. Perhaps it came out wrong.

CD

Rubirosa · 06/08/2012 20:29

The woman was just being nice - she was a bit tipsy and probably not that familiar with shy 18 month olds.

If you were just behind him you could simply have taken him back quickly and explained he was a bit shy Hmm No need for rudeness!

usualsuspect · 06/08/2012 20:30

I'm sure hes over it now.

miaowmix · 06/08/2012 20:30

me too motherinferior, but I suspect I'm a bit of an old tart Grin

Kayano · 06/08/2012 20:31

Lmfo at 'it's not like she tried to kick him into the rhododendrons'

And

'it's not like she tried to bundle him into te back of a van'

Actually crying with laughter

hazeyjane · 06/08/2012 20:31

I'm with Hecate.

Mind you if someone had picked up ds, the screams would have shattered all the champagne flutes!

LingDiLong · 06/08/2012 20:31

See bupcakes I would love it too, if they were enjoying it. But if they were getting upset I'd feel stressed and annoyed. With DC2, if he was happily playing and someone did that to him, he'd be in a right strop for a while after. I'd be seriously pissed off that they'd spoilt my bit of peace and enjoyment while I was watching him play happily.

My ex SIL used to grab DC1 off me, despite her screaming and howling and trying to claw her way back to me. Stupid really, because if she'd just got down to her level and played with her DC1 would have really enjoyed herself and engaged with her nicely.

WinkyWinkola · 06/08/2012 20:32

Okay so I'd never pick up someone else's child if I didn't know them. But that's because I know they'd scream blue murder and I would be puce faced with embarrassment.

But I don't think the girl meant any harm. A simple "Aw. Never mind. He IS a but grumpy," with a smile as you took him off her would have been fine.

HecateHarshPants · 06/08/2012 20:32

I know, K. Me too [going straight to hell emoticon] such a clear mental picture!

Kayano · 06/08/2012 20:33

I like K, I feel like a man in black Grin

50shadesofslapntickle · 06/08/2012 20:34

Please op ignore the arsey responses and over the top thinking of some people here... You clearly didn't like your shy little one being suddenly picked up and spun round and he didn't either and that is completely understandable - people who have concluded That you are unfriendly because of this are just being nasty

motherinferior · 06/08/2012 20:35

I know I'm a tart Grin

Foshizzle · 06/08/2012 20:35

Sonny i don't think you were BU. I suspect quite a few of the sneery posters on this thread wouldn't in reality be impressed if some random woman picked up their 18 month-old, spun him around and then got arsey because he was understandably scared and upset. The rest have obviously done an amazing job of socialising their DC like puppies and would just look on and laugh.

My DC love being made a fuss of but wouldn't necessarily welcome being manhandled by random adults. Don't see why they shouldn't be treated with the same level of respect we afford adults, or even animals for that matter.