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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU To be annoyed that a complete stranger picked up my child and tried to play with him!

332 replies

Sunny08 · 06/08/2012 19:29

Went to a beautiful wedding on saturday, on sunday we had a celebration bbq. ds didn't attend wedding but did come to bbq next day. Whilst he was playing he wandered over to this group of guys and girls, and one of the girls without warning just scooped him and started spinning him round trying to get him to play. He is only 18mths and shy at the best of times. She made a comment about him being mr grumpy as he was struggling to get away from her and as I was only a few feet behind her I walked up, took him off her and said 'I'm sorry he isn't great with complete strangers especially when they just randomly pick up!' I turned and left as didn't want to cause a scene at our friends celebration. She had been drinking and I was polite but obviously annoyed - I had never before seen or spoken to this girl in my life and it was quite obvious she was trying to use my son as a 'look aren't I good with children' infront of her friends'. Apparently she complained to the bride later that I was really rude to her - AIBU? Personally I thought I was bloomin polite given what i was thinking of saying!!!

OP posts:

BupcakesandCunting · 06/08/2012 20:16

"We all should have fun with kids wether we know them or not."

I'd re-phrase that if I were you.

Pagwatch · 06/08/2012 20:16

Arf at 'in all fairness, kids shouldn't be pissed"

50shadesofslapntickle · 06/08/2012 20:16

Blimey what snidey responses! I think the biggest problem is that she was tipsy and also - you wouldn't go up to a complete strange adult and do this so why is it ok to do it to a child?! It's not ok and she invaded his personal space by doing this so yanbu at all. Ignore the bitchy comments on here op, the woman who picked your child up was rude, especially as she frightened him, poor thing.

Kayano · 06/08/2012 20:16

Oh right drip feeding. You said in the op he wandered over to them.

Now he didn't.

Did the 'very tipsy' woman walk over to him then?

If he is approaching people why not move him out of the way.

Not entirely sure I buy the level of tipsyness as surely that would have been in the op? It's just transpired after being told yabu a few times

Jackin · 06/08/2012 20:18

Yes lets go with the spirit of the statement rather than the actual words....Ta.

FeakAndWeeble · 06/08/2012 20:18

T'would piss me off but I'm the first to admit I'm PFB. I have my reasons and I wouldn't feel like I had to explain them to said grabber, nor do I feel inclined to do so here. It's commonly said on here 'your child, your rules' etc and I can't see why that shouldn't apply in this instance.

On the other hand, if someone did grab my DS, who is about the same age as your DC, he'd probably bellow with laughter so it would take the wind out of anything I might wish to say to the person doing it. BUT if he reacted how you say yours did, scared and shy and trying to get away, then damn right I'd have said something. And I wouldn't give a shit how rude it sounded.

longjane · 06/08/2012 20:18

you let you son wander around where there were drunk people

Why?

If you did not want you child near drunk people take him home

and people wonder why kids are not welcome at wedding

usualsuspect · 06/08/2012 20:18

Poor thing that someone wanted to play with him?

LingDiLong · 06/08/2012 20:19

Why is it daft though? Clearly I don't mean picking up and adult and spinning them round . I've certainly - in my younger and more attractive days - been at parties where some strange pissed up bloke has started grabbing at me. Obviously that's a sexual thing so more threatening and out of order. But I think picking up a small child that you don't know when you're a bit drunk - and then refusing to let them go when they are clearly fighting you off is also an over stepping of boundaries. I think the OP was right to call her on it, she wasn't that rude for god's sake.

miaowmix · 06/08/2012 20:19

thinking about it, I am the kind of person who would quite like it if a random pissed stranger picked me up and twirled me round at a wedding, so it's probably why I am equally happy for them to do it to my daughter .
I'm not being bitchy, just can't get worked up about a stranger being nice to someone's child.

Jackin · 06/08/2012 20:20

It's a communal thing. One generation should bring up the next. Hippy much?

HecateHarshPants · 06/08/2012 20:20

Why is it a daft comparison? I think it's a brilliant comparison We do things to children that we wouldn't dream of doing to adults. Why? That's a valid question. Because children aren't people in their own right? Because they're community property? Because they're cute? because they're too little to object?

In all seriousness, why is it ok to grab someone you've never seen before in your life, pull them into the air and, despite their protestations - spin them round?

I honestly don't understand why it's ok because it was an 18 month old child.

I am not being snide, I am not being rude or difficult, I am genuinely baffled. I do not understand the reasoning.

And there must be a reason, and I would really love to hear it, because then I would understand

mumblecrumble · 06/08/2012 20:20

Pisses me off when adults think they can just pick up kids / patronise them and treat them like fluffy toys.

Agree with all you have said OP and feel you were polite but got the emssaeg over.

catgirl2012 · 06/08/2012 20:20

Nancy66 · 06/08/2012 20:21

God, i'm glad I don't know most of you in real life....

KissMyEmbroideryHoop · 06/08/2012 20:22

LAst wedding I went to was a happy occassion and a few people played with my DD who was then 18 months. She loved it all and so did I....it was nice to see the interaction. Yabu....I expect you may chill out if you have more.

BupcakesandCunting · 06/08/2012 20:22

FFS she was trying to engage him in play, not punt him like a rugby ball into the rhododendrons.

LingDiLong · 06/08/2012 20:22

GreyGardens, maybe you have a point there. I like to think I'm a really friendly approachable person. But I HATE my personal space being invaded. I hate people I don't know well being all touchy feely with me. And if they KNEW I didn't like it and still continued to do it, I might get a bit snotty.

usualsuspect · 06/08/2012 20:23

MN does seem to have more than its fair share of precious parents.

catgirl2012 · 06/08/2012 20:23

My DH punted a strangers child once.

That did not go down well. Not at all.

DinahMoHum · 06/08/2012 20:24

you were rude

Minesaguinness · 06/08/2012 20:24

I can't believe some of the responses on here! Of course you can interact and be friendly to a child you don't know - you squat down, ask them their name, if you can see their toy, whatever. You DO NOT grab hold of them, swing them round in the air and then call them Mr Grumpy if they don't like it.

Having said that, OP, I think you were ruder than you needed to be. You could have just said he doesn't like strangers and left it at that.

Original poster

Sunny08 · 06/08/2012 20:25

I don't mind people playing with my child, but I do mind them treating him like an object without any thoughts, feelings or opinions of his own!!! He is a person! He didn't like it! He should have some say over who grabs him!!

OP posts:

Jackin · 06/08/2012 20:25

OP I suspect you were a bit shocked, is your son ok?

LingDiLong · 06/08/2012 20:26

I actually got punted like a rugby ball at a night club once. By a complete stranger. True fact. I was rugby tackled and sent flying across the dance floor. Perhaps it was Mrcatgirl

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