AIBU To be annoyed that a complete stranger picked up my child and tried to play with him!

[Sunny08]

Went to a beautiful wedding on saturday, on sunday we had a celebration bbq. ds didn't attend wedding but did come to bbq next day. Whilst he was playing he wandered over to this group of guys and girls, and one of the girls without warning just scooped him and started spinning him round trying to get him to play. He is only 18mths and shy at the best of times. She made a comment about him being mr grumpy as he was struggling to get away from her and as I was only a few feet behind her I walked up, took him off her and said 'I'm sorry he isn't great with complete strangers especially when they just randomly pick up!' I turned and left as didn't want to cause a scene at our friends celebration. She had been drinking and I was polite but obviously annoyed - I had never before seen or spoken to this girl in my life and it was quite obvious she was trying to use my son as a 'look aren't I good with children' infront of her friends'. Apparently she complained to the bride later that I was really rude to her - AIBU? Personally I thought I was bloomin polite given what i was thinking of saying!!!

You were rude.
What's wrong with picking someone's child up? You weren't in a park, you were both guests at a wedding party.

P.S. they were all adults - not teenagers.

You shouldn't have let him run into a group of tipsy young people then, should you?
And why was it 'obvious' she was trying to show how good with children she was?
You were very, very rude.

You were rude and uptight, she sounds lovely. cannot see the big deal.

Oh well there you go OP, Jumping has worked out the problem. Clearly you've not socialised your child from an early age. Or you've been out socialising with them when they were whingy and you shouldn't have taken them out in the first place. So either you've been out and about with your child too much or not enough. Either way it's probably entirely your fault.

I think YANBU, a slightly drunk woman picked your child up and spun them round then wouldn't let them down when they got upset. You were right to call her on it. I'd be happy for a stranger to stoop down and start saying hello - I'd think that was sweet. Wouldn't be too bothered if they picked them up and put them straight down when they got upset. But the whole spinning round despite getting upset was far ruder than what you said.

Oh dear.
I have been known to pick up strange children when they have come up to me at a 'do'.

Never thought twice about it tbh.

OP - you're right about one thing - I wouldn't try to pick a kid up without finding his/ her parents first, but I might pat him/ her on the back and chat a bit, or take his/ her hand. In the circumstances, you may have been overly rude, but I suppose you were surprised.

I am really surprised at some of the responses - maybe i did snap a bit quickly, i had had a hell of a few weeks and probably a bit to tetchy (I've past apologies on through bride) but I would still never pick up another persons child unless there was good reason too, i.e. danger, crying etc. Especially if the child wasn't interacting with me - as I said my son was pushing a tractor across the lawn and happened to go near this group. there were a lot of people there so it wasn't as if it was a cosy family gathering, I do stand by right to think it is off someone else scoops him up, but probably could have been more polite about it I agree

so he didn't wander over

he was crying

it wasn't a girl

I give up

Golly - I thought from the heading you meant some random stranger in the street.

You were unreasonable - but you've probably got that message now.

YABU. And rude.

I assumed from your thread title that it was some random drunk down the park.......

YABUAW

You were rude. She was trying to be friendly and a polite "He's not grumpy as such, but he's not good with people he doesn't know" with a smile would have been fine.

I can understand why your child was upset, and I wouldn't do this now, and I would understand a parent being annoyed if someone did.

But lots of people who don't have children have no reason to know that. Most of my mates would not even know if the child was 18 months, three years, what. If you don't know anything about small children, you don't. And you don't know what's sensible.

I can understand you snapping but I think you should have apologized when you'd got over the shock and explained, and hopefully then she would apologize and understand too.

Good job you don't live in Italy or Spain, OP. It's normal to fuss other people's children there, strangers or not. I've been at an Italian wedding and had a stranger's child asleep in my lap for an hour before I even knew who/where his parents were.

Talking to, smiling/pulling faces at random child, fine.

Picking up random child? Really? You'd all find it completely normal for me to walk over your kid and start swinging them round? And every single child of every single poster would enjoy that kind of interaction?

Really?

I think you were a bit rude TBH, but then I am clearly lacking in social graces because I would totally pick up/interact with/play with a 'strangers' child at that kind of a do (not so much in a park but I have been known to offer to hold strangers babies at soft play whilst their mum does something for their other kid(s)...they always hand them over too )

In fact I did just that at a wedding I went to recently, gorgeous wee baby crawling about on the lawn outside the church, lots of high heels about, super broody me = 1 picked up baby. His mum was perfectly pleasant about it.

I don't understand why you were that bothered, sure take him back if he doesn't like it, mention nicely that he's a bit shy. Totally insignificant Problem solved, no?

Mine would love it

Faster and swingier the better

purplepidjin, if I was at a wedding or similar and some nice friendly people played with my dd , picked her up, whatever, I would be thrilled, honestly. I love people like that!

She was trying to be nice, probably a bit misguided but there was no harm done. Think there was no need to be quite so brusque with her.

At weddings normally everyone gets involved with the kids, my dp would probably have picked one up. He was a human donkey in the last wedding BBQ we went to.

Get over yourself. I don't know why but your post has really pissed me off. Your son is nothing special.

Yes, you were rude. But at least you are taking it well!

This was not a classic stranger danger situation, it was a friend of a friend in a controlled environment. There is a massive difference.

There was a more polite and appropriate way to say something to that lady. You were mean to her and I'm not surprised she mentioned it later.

So yes, to sum up, YABU.

Like Bupcakes said.
I've just come back from holiday in Egypt where all the staff (all male) fussed over the small children.
Don't ever take your precious child abroad OP.

Some random Japanese woman picked up DS3 (blonde curls, blue eyes, back in his cute days) in Hyde Park once and rushed him over to show her mates. I just stood looking like . After a few photos and lots of kisses he was handed back.

Anyway - she was pretty thoughtless, but it sounds like she meant well and depending on your tone of voice, you probably were pretty rude.