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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To be annoyed that a complete stranger picked up my child and tried to play with him!

332 replies

Sunny08 · 06/08/2012 19:29

Went to a beautiful wedding on saturday, on sunday we had a celebration bbq. ds didn't attend wedding but did come to bbq next day. Whilst he was playing he wandered over to this group of guys and girls, and one of the girls without warning just scooped him and started spinning him round trying to get him to play. He is only 18mths and shy at the best of times. She made a comment about him being mr grumpy as he was struggling to get away from her and as I was only a few feet behind her I walked up, took him off her and said 'I'm sorry he isn't great with complete strangers especially when they just randomly pick up!' I turned and left as didn't want to cause a scene at our friends celebration. She had been drinking and I was polite but obviously annoyed - I had never before seen or spoken to this girl in my life and it was quite obvious she was trying to use my son as a 'look aren't I good with children' infront of her friends'. Apparently she complained to the bride later that I was really rude to her - AIBU? Personally I thought I was bloomin polite given what i was thinking of saying!!!

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 07/08/2012 12:38

Meet at the playing fields for a fight type scrap. Grin

fab Grin

gotthemoononastick · 07/08/2012 12:44

This is why my husband did not run and help bleeding 6 year old scooter crash victim.Neighbours boys 6 and 11,we have lived here for 6 years and if you greet these kids they look away.Parents do greet,but boys maybe so 'stranger' brainwashed ,or not taught manners...quite sad and upsetting

MardyArsedMidlander · 07/08/2012 12:57

Having read this thread, I now understand why people don't invite children to weddings Wink

Foshizzle · 07/08/2012 13:00

Sunny please try not to take it personally and please don't leave on account of this thread (at least).

MN can be utterly random at times and you will find that if you were to post your OP with slightly different wording at a different time of day in a month or two you would probably get a very different theme of responses.

The trend of responses in AIBU can be influenced by any one of a number of things and you'll find a mixture of people who genuinely believe YABU, people who just want to pile in to be mean or sarcastic, and those who are actually of the "do as I say, not as I do" brigade (but would never tell you that).

FWIW there are quite a few posters on this thread who agreed with you (myself included) but have just not been as persistent as some of those who don't...

Nanny0gg · 07/08/2012 13:01

I was trying mumsnet as a place for helpful support and advice, 2 weeks ago I posted for support about miscarriage - got hardly any responses,

Sorry for your loss OP.
However, I suspect that there isn't quite as much traffic on those threads as there are on AIBU and from what I could see, the responses you got were kind and sympathetic.
And here, no-one would know any history, so you asked a question and received honest answers.

achillea · 07/08/2012 13:05

moon - we had neighbour kids like this, they are now best friends with dd - we didn't take offence at what appeared to be rudeness because we knew it was just their interpretation of their parents' brainwashing. We now know the parents as well and get on fine.

lurking as I said, live and learn - never allow anyone to take a picture of you when drunk. Baby on lap or no.

Grin
LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 07/08/2012 13:10

Haha so true achillea!

It would be burned if not for the fact he has his chubby little hand on my face and is looking at me as if I'm a drunken goddess. Blush

Windsock · 07/08/2012 13:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 07/08/2012 13:39

Grin Windsock.

MadameCupcake · 07/08/2012 14:20

I must say I don't think I would just randomly pick up a child I had never met before and swing them round. If he had been playing with her etc then maybe it would have been fine but if it happened as the OP said and he wandered over and she just grabbed him and swung him round - well thats just weird!!

You know YABU with the rudeness!

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 07/08/2012 14:34

LOL Windsock!

I love how the people calling all those who disagree with the OP rude, can't see how haughty and condescending they're being. Oh, the irony.

This thread has given me a much needed laugh today, thank you ladies! Especially Bupcakes. >bows

Foshizzle · 07/08/2012 14:37

Well of course Lurking. Windsock calling the OP a wanker totally supports your point.

MarianneM · 07/08/2012 14:39

AIBU to think you're a bit nuts?

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 07/08/2012 14:44

I never said I wasn't being rude though. Confused

I just find it ironic that to point out other's rudeness, some posters have been quite rude themselves. TBH everyone in this thread has been rude to some degree IMO.

Anyway I was enjoying this thread for the silly jokes (I'm looking at you Bupcakes) but I see this starting to enter bunfight territory, so I'm ducking for cover.

Kayano · 07/08/2012 15:31

I have been extremely rude while pointing out the rudeness

slaps self

pigletmania · 07/08/2012 15:46

I would have said oh he does get very bad motion sickness, here I will take him. Som teens are not aware f boundaries

exoticfruits · 07/08/2012 19:22

Don't leave Sunny08- just don't post on AIBU!
I'm sorry-I am probably one of the ones slating you but my pet hate is 'my DCs my rules' because it really isn't-or only in your own home. In RL if your DCs wanders you risk that people pick them up-all to the good IMO-but if you don't like it don't let them wander.

exoticfruits · 07/08/2012 19:24

If you have 10yr -16yr old at a party they are even more likely than the one in OP to pick up small DCs.

5madthings · 07/08/2012 20:01

Yabu, i would just have sad sorry he is bit wary of strangers and then introduced my child and myself and shown the child its ok etc.

But then at my sisters wedding all her friends (young and slightly tips) were playing with my 4 boys, including cuddling ds4 who was only 4mths old and i just let them get on with it, they were having fun and iwas glad of the break! I will also interact with small children and at the park the other day lifted a little one who wanted to go in a swing, i will also tell off a child that is being naughty! Politely of course... Obviously breaking all unspoken rules about interacting with children!

5madthings · 07/08/2012 20:03

Oh and aibu can be harsh, you are a mnet pro now you have had a bit of a pasting! Honestly dont let this put you off xxx

hazeyjane · 07/08/2012 20:05

I don't really get the 'don't let them wander if you don't want them picked up' thing, just because a child isn't glued to your side doesn't mean they are happy to just be picked up by anyone. And that isn't just being uptight or precious, that is accepting that everyone is different and that some children (and adults) aren't that comfortable with strangers being 'in your face'.

MiggleMoo · 07/08/2012 20:10

Not many people seem to have read all of Sunny's post properly. As I see it DC was playing with tractor, woman who had been drinking (adult) without any introductions or speaking to child scooped him up and swung him round. DC got upset, woman called him grumpy, mum was following him round lawn, and took him off said woman. Maybe she was a bit rude but probably shocked.

I don't think this is about mum not wanting anyone to play or interact with her child but she doesn't want her child treated like a toy. I can see why she was upset.

I would be, so YANBU.

LadyBeagleEyes · 07/08/2012 22:33

She was 'probably shocked'.
Really? Because at a wedding her son got swinged around a bit?
There are some people on MN that just make me go Shock Confused Grin
Though I still love it for the huge difference of opinion it brings.

exoticfruits · 07/08/2012 22:48

When I was about 11/12 yrs we used to pick up toddlers and swing them around-if they didn't complain-it is the sort of thing that you used to have the freedom to do-generally the toddlers enjoyed it. You didn't attempt it if they looked shy or busy with something.

5madthings · 07/08/2012 22:58

exotic my elder two are always playing with little ones in the park, they are very used to them as they have 3 younger siblings, ds2 in particular is GREAT with little children and is the first one there helping a toddler who has fallen over or crying, he is very compassionate and caring, traits i hope stay with him. i would hate for him to play with a little one or help them up and hten some mum get all precious with him and tell him off.

obviously i always keep an eye on him but he is very gentle and really good with little children he often ends up with a gang of them following him around etc when we are out. i think its lovely, tho at times have checked with parents if they mind, it worries me to think that some parents would be annoyed actually, when he is just a good natured little boy who happens to be good with small children, as he gets older i imagine he may grow out of it, or else he may even end up with some people thinking paedophile type thoughts :(