Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To be annoyed that a complete stranger picked up my child and tried to play with him!

332 replies

Sunny08 · 06/08/2012 19:29

Went to a beautiful wedding on saturday, on sunday we had a celebration bbq. ds didn't attend wedding but did come to bbq next day. Whilst he was playing he wandered over to this group of guys and girls, and one of the girls without warning just scooped him and started spinning him round trying to get him to play. He is only 18mths and shy at the best of times. She made a comment about him being mr grumpy as he was struggling to get away from her and as I was only a few feet behind her I walked up, took him off her and said 'I'm sorry he isn't great with complete strangers especially when they just randomly pick up!' I turned and left as didn't want to cause a scene at our friends celebration. She had been drinking and I was polite but obviously annoyed - I had never before seen or spoken to this girl in my life and it was quite obvious she was trying to use my son as a 'look aren't I good with children' infront of her friends'. Apparently she complained to the bride later that I was really rude to her - AIBU? Personally I thought I was bloomin polite given what i was thinking of saying!!!

OP posts:
TiggerWearsATriteSmile · 07/08/2012 10:50

You were rude and you are now changing your story to make you look better and the stranger look like the big bad wolf.

DizzyKipper · 07/08/2012 10:51

And all the people going on and on about how this wasn't said at the start of the thread, that wasn't etc. etc. Not everyone actually realises that AIBU isn't so much a friendly place to find out whether or not they should reconsider the things they've said or done as it is a place for others to put them on trial for every minor indiscretion they post about (yes she might have been a bit rude on this occasion but so what? Most of us have been rude at some point in our life - quite a lot of you right here and now on this thread it would seem - or said things we later regretted, is that any reason to start attacking her character or child raising abilities?). It thus probably didn't occur to her she had to mull over and post every single possible thing she could think of. Mentioning the woman drinking in her first post and about how her kid is "shy at the best of times" (so quite feasibly going to get very upset by being handled by a stranger) probably seemed ample enough information at the time, I'm sure she just didn't realise she was going to get cross examined so thoroughly and that going into all the details would be a requirement.
OP if I were you I wouldn't continue bothering with this thread, and I'm sorry to hear you didn't get the support you hoped for over your MC. There are a lot of lovely ladies in conception though, many of which have had experiences with MCs. If you're ttc then I'd recommend checking it out and finding a thread to join.

Mrsjay · 07/08/2012 10:52

AIBU ? yes i think you are no i am not yes you are, I think that is how the board works ,

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 07/08/2012 10:55

Oh, sorry, completely misread that! I'm glad you didn't get horrid responses about miscarriage, OP.

And it's true what the others say ? there is more traffic in some sections than others, which is the most likely explanation for the lack of responses, rather than lack of sympathy.

TeapotsInJune · 07/08/2012 10:56

Dizzy, I can honestly say I would never, ever be so rude to somebody without extreme provocation which I don't feel playing with a child is.

Kayano · 07/08/2012 10:57

It was the level of drunkenness increasing as the posts when on in correlation to the level of the child's distress

Tipsy to very tipsy to pissed
Tried to get away to terrified to terrified an crying in distress iyswim.

Just seemed to escalate in a crescendo of drips

jamdonut · 07/08/2012 10:57

I spend all day with primary children...I interract with them and take care of them.
What I hate is being made to feel a freak, akin to a paedophile, if I so much as smile at a child when I'm out, or picking up a child who has fallen over near to me and is distressed! I would hope that others would look out for my children in the same way (although they are all "teen" now)
I can understand what the OP is getting at, but there is so much distrust of "strangers" nowadays. I think it is very sad that people are viewed with such suspicion,or think they have ulterior motives.

Ephiny · 07/08/2012 10:59

Surely if your child goes wandering up to people, some are going to assume he wants to interact/play. Maybe she got it wrong, but it doesn't sound like she did anything particularly bad here. I think you were rude.

Personally I would have ignored the child or moved away, because I have no interest in interacting with other people's kids, but probably some parents would have been offended by that and complained I was unfriendly (see other threads where this sort of scenario has happened!)

libelulle · 07/08/2012 11:05

escalate in a crescendo of drips Grin I like that, will file for future use!

BupcakesandCunting · 07/08/2012 11:06

Oh FGS don't leave over this thread! I don't think there's one amongst us that hasn't had a trouncing on AIBU at some point.

As for not getting support about a miscarriage, that is not nice but also not the MN that I know. Maybe you just posted that particular question on a quiet day on those forums? AIBU is a bit of a bear pit sometimes especially if your OP comes across as arsey which yours did, sorry! but honestly, you only have to take a look on the relationship/bereavement/blanket threads to see what amazing women MN counts amongst its members.

A bit daft to leave because of one thread and by AIBU standards you got off quite lightly Grin I've been offered a RL FIGHT and I'm still here

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 07/08/2012 11:08

'I've been offered a RL FIGHT'. Have you really, Bupcakes?! Respect.

BupcakesandCunting · 07/08/2012 11:09

Oh God, jamdonut. I am forever picking up children that have fallen over and plonking them back on their feet in parks etc. Then when I've done it I always think "shouldn't really have done that" Makes me sad though because if DS fell over and someone was nearer than me, I would love them to see if he was alright.

BupcakesandCunting · 07/08/2012 11:09

I have.

DizzyKipper · 07/08/2012 11:14

Actually the crescendo of escalation is BS. Do CTRL F and actually read through every single one of the OPs posts. She never once uses the word pissed or terrified. In her second post she says very tipsy and obviously scared, in her 3rd she says about being very tipsy again along with him being scared. That's about all you get on the matter. It was other posters on this thread who created the illusion that the OP has been escalating her description of what's happened, this isn't actually accurate though.

DizzyKipper · 07/08/2012 11:15

btw she has about 5 or 6 posts on this thread, so going back and checking through them isn't exactly hard.

Nancy66 · 07/08/2012 11:16

I would pay good money to see a real-life MN scrap.

DizzyKipper · 07/08/2012 11:17

Ah fuck, have probably been stupid and not checked all of the thread (thought I had but realised I haven't). So call me stupid and shoot me. Oh well.

TeapotsInJune · 07/08/2012 11:21

I won't shoot you Dizzy let's square up and have a fight instead Grin

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 07/08/2012 11:22

I doff my cap to you, Bupcakes.

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 07/08/2012 11:23

A Crescendo of Drips - MumsNet, the Musical

AGiraffeOnTheDivingBoard · 07/08/2012 11:33

Don't leave MN over this. I've lurked for ages and ages and never had the nerve to start a thread on AIBU - you should feel proud! I think MN should send out badges for the first one. We could sew them onto our tops - I posted on AIBU and survived.

You were a little bit rude direct but if you don't want a drunken wedding guest to spin your child around that's up to you and that's understandable. But it was the kind of thing I'd have done drunkenly pre children thinking I was cool and friendly and great with kids.

I do question the personality of the woman who felt the bride absolutely had to know about this interaction on her wedding day - and she couldn't bring herself to wait until she'd sobered up a month or so. So IMO SHE was being unreasonable moaning to the bride about you.

Mrsjay · 07/08/2012 11:41

I've been offered a RL FIGHT and I'm still here

really ? a strip to the waist fight or i will meet you at the playing fields after school fight Grin

achillea · 07/08/2012 11:58

I love this post. Reminds me of 'The Slap' - anyone remembers the book / film? One action at a family gathering that ends in dispute and conflict not because the action in itself was dangerous, damaging and had a lasting impact, but because all parties thought they were right and the others were wrong.

This is the stuff of life. You, OP, may have learned something from this - that your child is more resilient than you think (I take it he's still alive and not traumatised), and the woman has learned that she shouldn't really handle kids when she's drunk. So it's really a win win situation. OP, if you can see it more that you have helped to prevent this woman from handling kids like that again, you have really done her and a lot of others a favour. And equally you have learned that it's best to rise above these incidents and treat them as part of life rather than a reason to create conflict.

The fact that this happened at a wedding has made it even better as everyone around will have learned from the experience. The way you respond to this will have an impact far wider than you and this woman.

BupcakesandCunting · 07/08/2012 12:07

Meet at the playing fields for a fight type scrap. Grin

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 07/08/2012 12:09

I really don't think she will have 'learned from the experience.'

I always play with and cuddle children at do's, I've never had an encounter like the OP but to be perfectly blunt I would probably think she was just a nasty bitch and continue being friendly with children.

Though if the OP is being honest about her being that drunk though I doubt it perhaps she'll be less careless with children and booze in the future, except since the OP didn't mention that to her, who knows?

Anecdote: When I was a teenager my mother overestimated my ability to have a special Christmas drink, and it turns out, I'm a lightweight. My cousin thought it was really funny, plopped her DS on my lap, and now I have a funny photo of me cuddling my one year old cousin trying to look sober for the camera.

Damn exploitation right there! Blush

I'm sure some posters will now think my cousin is the worst mother in the world, but we're a fairly laid back family.