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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to split costs in three?

138 replies

ElizabethDarcy · 06/08/2012 14:32

My DH and I go away with my single brother now and again - we try and get a family room, and split the cost in three.

A couple of times, when he has made the booking, I have paid what he has said is our share... and then realised afterwards that he had simply added the cost of the single room and the double room together, and split the cost in 3. So we ended up paying more for our double room = subsidizing his room.

We have an upcoming weekend away and he will have a twin room and us a double... and he's said 'let's just split it in 3'... and I really do not think it's fair. Have said we need a family room, or he pays (in full) for his own room.

AIBU?

He thinks I am... 'poor me, always paying so much as a single person...' The usual story. We cannot help it that he is single.

OP posts:
MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea · 06/08/2012 14:35

How old is he?
Not sure if I'd want to share a family room with my brother...

But no, he should pay for his own room or get someone to come with him.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 06/08/2012 14:35

Why don't you just pay for the room you stay in? I don't get why you would split in three?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 06/08/2012 14:35

Just make the booking yourself, you pay for your room and he can pay for his room!!

YellowDinosaur · 06/08/2012 14:36

So he thinks you and your dh should subsidise him because he is single?

YANBU. He is lucky you are happy to share a family room - if I was staying in a hotel with my dh I would think it strange to have my sister / his brother in there as well!

HexagonalQueenOfEveything · 06/08/2012 14:36

That's not very fair of him.

I would say something about it

kinkyfuckery · 06/08/2012 14:37

If you are getting a family room, yes splitting the cost into thirds makes sense. If you are getting a single/double room, then he should pay for the single and you and your DH should pay for the double, surely?

foreverondiet · 06/08/2012 14:37

Does he help with the kids? Do you want him to come with?

If he does (help) I would be very happy to subsidise his room. If you are indifferent about whether he comes or not then reasonable to just say you want to each pay for own rooms.

TheCunningStunt · 06/08/2012 14:37

Make your own booking

ChaoticismyLife · 06/08/2012 14:37

YANBU you shouldn't have to subsidise your brother's holiday.

GoldenFucker · 06/08/2012 14:38

huh ?

why have you been rubber stamping this already ?

yanbu

Birdsgottafly · 06/08/2012 14:45

Unless there was an issue of funds, i wouldn't agree to share a room, tbh.

He sees it that he should pay you the difference of a double for an upgrade to a family room, but he doesn't understand that for the loss of privacy there has to be a benefit for you, which is reduced costs.

If you are attending a family wedding etc and the cost difference would be that he couldn't go, then only would i consider it.

Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 06/08/2012 14:55

Brother is nearly 40... yes.. you read that right. Pulls the single card often.

He has always been like this. It comes up when he does a booking... sees things per person, not per room. There is no prob with us sharing a family room for one night... we do this (for him) to save costs, we all get on well it's no prob, for ONE night.

If we go away for more than one night then we ensure we have our own room. We usually do the booking, so things are done correctly...but he is arranging this night away, and he comes with his usual 'so shall we just split it in 3 then?'...

Errr... no!

I just cannot get my head around how he sees this is fair to us. Hence asking.

OP posts:
MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea · 06/08/2012 14:57

Does he still live at home? Smile

Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 06/08/2012 14:59

Has a live in job... has never had his own home. Part of the problem we think...

OP posts:
BlueMoon74 · 06/08/2012 15:00

You make your booking - tell him to make his own. That way, you've all just paid for your own accommodation, nothing unfair in that!

MsVestibule · 06/08/2012 15:04

No, YANBU. When I was single, I had to pay a single person's supplement and if I'd been going away with family or friends in that situation, no way would I have expected them to have subsidised me.

Stand your ground!

Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 06/08/2012 15:14

I agree with you... and will refuse to supplement him for this booking (that he has just gone ahead and booked, and wants us to now pay him our share).

Happy to see our thinking is correct. The way he goes on, he makes out we are being selfish. So fed up of the guilt trips he pulls.

OP posts:
Margerykemp · 06/08/2012 15:33

What a weird person he sounds!

nickelbarapasaurus · 06/08/2012 15:37

tell him that if he can't afford to pay for his own room (in full) that he could always bring a friend or girlfriend along, and that it's not fair that you should be subsidizing him just because he's not in a relationship!

Lovemy3kids · 06/08/2012 15:46

He's 40 ......not 4!!! Get him to pay for his room and you pay for your room! Unless you share a room, I would not divide the cost between 3. YANBU IMO

anastaisia · 06/08/2012 15:48

He's right that it is a pain when it costs the same to go somewhere on your own as it would to go as a couple. I try to look for hotels that offer reduced rates for single occupancy now.

But that doesn't make it your responsibility to pay for it. Unless he was helping out by going as someone else suggested - but it doesn't sound like that's the case.

BlisdergamesbeginPack · 06/08/2012 15:50

I wouldn't want to share a room with my husband and 40 year brother! Do you mean that you are all in ONE family room?! If so I can imagine why he'd want it split three ways. If it's the two of you in one double and him in a single room then obviously each person or couple should pay for their own room.

Rosa · 06/08/2012 16:00

YANBU - he pays for his room you pay for yours.... If you have a family room ( yuck sorry I couldn't do it) then hes split it 3 ways.

Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 06/08/2012 17:19

The reply from sibling....

'Don't understand your reply .. Not really fair I pay £65 and you pay £65 for two of you? '

Confused Angry
OP posts:
HerRoyalNotness · 06/08/2012 17:22

Reply back, okay, we'll pay thirds, if one night your DH shares with your brother, then it evens out the use of the rooms.