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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to split costs in three?

138 replies

ElizabethDarcy · 06/08/2012 14:32

My DH and I go away with my single brother now and again - we try and get a family room, and split the cost in three.

A couple of times, when he has made the booking, I have paid what he has said is our share... and then realised afterwards that he had simply added the cost of the single room and the double room together, and split the cost in 3. So we ended up paying more for our double room = subsidizing his room.

We have an upcoming weekend away and he will have a twin room and us a double... and he's said 'let's just split it in 3'... and I really do not think it's fair. Have said we need a family room, or he pays (in full) for his own room.

AIBU?

He thinks I am... 'poor me, always paying so much as a single person...' The usual story. We cannot help it that he is single.

OP posts:
Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 06/08/2012 19:43

When we stay in cottages/villas we split it 3 ways... as we are sharing all amenities.

OP posts:
Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 06/08/2012 19:44

MrsMangoBiscuit :)

MNsFavouriteManHater How so?

OP posts:
MNsFavouriteManHater · 06/08/2012 19:46

You have spelled it out yourself on your own thread, and you don't agree that you are being taken for a mug ?

Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 06/08/2012 19:46

I have emailed a few hotels now... my choice of hotel is not 4 star like his is... Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 06/08/2012 19:47

In this thread I am deemed either a mug or a meanie... hence me asking.. as I don't want to be either.

OP posts:
MNsFavouriteManHater · 06/08/2012 19:49

I think the general consensus is that you are being taken for a ride

and the school holiday thing just cements it (for me)

I don't understand why you have been doing this yearly for 7-10 days and several weekends throughout the year too

you only just noticed your brother is taking the piss ?

fuzzywuzzy · 06/08/2012 19:50

The reason why he insists on going on holiday with oyu is because you foot part of his bill. Do his friends as well?

myBOYSareBONKERS · 06/08/2012 20:00

I actually think it is very odd that you would share a room with your adult sibling in this way. I also find it strange that hotels agree to it.

Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 06/08/2012 20:01

I think, when it comes down to it... were he a friend, and not family, we would never holiday with him. He cannot see beyond his needs and little world.

We have other siblings, and they always complain re him being a sponge, and lazy when staying at their house (they live far away, so when he goes to visit them, he goes for a couple of weeks at a time)... as I am the only family close by, I am the family he holidays with. I am glad he enjoys time with me/us... I have friends who never holiday with any of their family at all. And we do have a good time when he is not being a tight git.

Him still being single really gets to him, and as his sister, I do need to be there for him.

The latest???? As this weekend away is in his birthday month, he has commented that it would be a good birthday treat from us to him.

Sigh.

So.. OUR weekend away has become HIS birthday weekend away. This is typical.

OP posts:
foreverondiet · 06/08/2012 20:06

Having read the thread, and realised that a) no children involved (ie I'd like extra adult to come and help with the kids and b) school holiday trips just for him I think you are being taking for a ride.

Reply saying, yes £65 each we both have one room and if we could have gone away in term time it would have been only £40 (or whatever), next time we'll probably do that.

JustFabulous · 06/08/2012 20:07

That just takes the biscuit really.

He really does think everyone owes him, doesn't he?

boredandrestless · 06/08/2012 20:07

Blueglue's reply is perfect. Use it. If he refuses then just don't make bookings with him again and tell him not to book anything for you as you would prefer to make your own bookings from now on.

You pay for your room, he pays for his. You go on holiday with him WAY too much! Wouldn't your DH prefer you and him to have a weekend away without your brother tagging along? I love my sister, I speak to her via text almost everyday, we haven't been on holiday together since we left home! We have our own families, and even now I am single (have been for 3 years) I wouldn't go away with her and her partner.

DontmindifIdo · 06/08/2012 20:08

Cancel now!!!!! Tell him actually you can't get away in August, you've got to go in September, understand he can't come too.

You are allowed to not do this.

Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 06/08/2012 20:17

I have told him we will not pay toward his room, and that's that. He doesn't see it like that at all. So I have sent him other hotel options with a family room/single supplement available (ON the nights we are there).

My DH and I do go away, yes. One weekend away a year... maybe two.. and a long (main) holiday to see family far afield generally.

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 06/08/2012 20:19

Make this the last group holiday. You can be busy in the school holidays from now onwards. Or have already booked things so it's a done deal.

MummytoKatie · 06/08/2012 20:29

To be honest I'd probably just pay the extra money and then not go away with him again.

Or as a minimum choose a time that works for you, choose a hotel that works for you, tell him you are going and he can come too if he wants - a single room is £xy. If he moans then just say "oh well - just a thought - maybe another time."

Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 06/08/2012 20:34

Last year we had a villa in peak season and it was basically double the cost due to school holiday timing.... after that holiday we said only weekends from now. It's just too expensive. But then he gets upset as he cannot help his holiday times. Is difficult.

Weekends are easier to do as we are not bound by school terms... but we are then bound by him being single and him thinking it okay we supplement his singleness.

We have more important things than holidays to pay for... eg: spending loads of money on fertility treatment stuff... and us going away for the proposed weekend was going to be cheap and cheerful.. but with him along it becomes costly for us, with us then (according to him AND some people on this thread) having to incorporate his room costs as well as ours.

OP posts:
Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 06/08/2012 20:36

'Or as a minimum choose a time that works for you, choose a hotel that works for you, tell him you are going and he can come too if he wants - a single room is £xy. If he moans then just say "oh well - just a thought - maybe another time."'

This was the plan for this one we are planning... but I told him re it too soon I think... as he took over and is looking for (expensive) hotels. Next time will do as you say.

OP posts:
LilyBolero · 06/08/2012 20:37

On the timings, he really can't help that. So either you pay the extra, or you say 'We aren't prepared to pay extra to go in the holidays, so we won't go with you'.

DontmindifIdo · 06/08/2012 20:44

do you have to go away with him at all? why not arrange your own holidays and then invite him to stay with you for the odd weekend?

I'll be honest, most people haven't been on holiday with their siblings since they were children and were taken on holiday by their parents. If he goes away with friends it's not like you are his only chance of a holiday.

pinkyredrose · 06/08/2012 21:52

All this quibble over £20. You best not go if it bothers you that much.

FatimaLovesBread · 06/08/2012 22:06

Why do you need to go on holiday with him at all? Never mind one long holiday plus 2-3 weekends a year. Just because he's your either doesn't mean you have to holiday with him.

flow4 · 06/08/2012 22:27

I've just had a hotel refuse to let me book one family room for myself and my two sons (17 and 12) because (their words) "It would be a bit weird to share a room with them at that age"... So it surprises me you seem to have found several hotels that are OK about 3 adults sharing!

As a single parent with two kids, I always have to pay for THREE people, and in school holidays too... We haven't been abroad for several years because it's just too expensive. I hadn't thought of joining forces with my (childless) bro and his wife and asking them to subsidise me... Perhaps I should... Unless you'd like to split my costs, OP?! Wink Grin

yellowraincoat · 06/08/2012 22:33

I am going to go against the tide and say YABU. It seems a bit like when people sit and pore over the bill in a restaurant instead of just splitting it evenly. It's not your fault he's single, but equally it's not his fault that hotels charge more for single guests.

If you're close enough to be on holiday together, you're close enough to just split stuff evenly.

It doesn't sound like you really like going away with him though, so that's probably why it's bothering you. There is no way on this earth you'd get me in a hotel within spitting distance of my brother. The two days at Christmas when I have to endure his smug face is enough.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/08/2012 23:34

Let me see if I've properly understood this,because I'm really not sure that I have :

You are married. Your big brother decides when and where you go on holiday, and with whom (i.e. him).

  1. Because he is deciding when, your holidays are more expensive than they need to be, because you and DH could holiday in off-peak season were it not your brothers choice that you holiday in peak season.
  2. Because he is deciding where, your holidays are more expensive than they need to be, because he is choosing accommodation that he then expects you to subsidise his room charge.
  3. Because he is deciding with whom, your holidays are more expensive than they need to be, because he has far to much of the when and where of the holiday.

Now, have I got that right, OP? Because if I have, then THAT is why some people are calling you a mug. You are letting your brother run a substantial portion of your life. Just stop it. And tell him to stop it too.