AIBU to not want to split costs in three?

[ElizabethDarcy]

My DH and I go away with my single brother now and again - we try and get a family room, and split the cost in three.

A couple of times, when he has made the booking, I have paid what he has said is our share... and then realised afterwards that he had simply added the cost of the single room and the double room together, and split the cost in 3. So we ended up paying more for our double room = subsidizing his room.

We have an upcoming weekend away and he will have a twin room and us a double... and he's said 'let's just split it in 3'... and I really do not think it's fair. Have said we need a family room, or he pays (in full) for his own room.

AIBU?

He thinks I am... 'poor me, always paying so much as a single person...' The usual story. We cannot help it that he is single.

I find it hard to find the middle road... of being a kind and considerate sister, along with not being a mug/taken advantage of.

Why do you feel the need to be a kind and considerate sister when he is essentially a mean and self-absorbed twat?
This situation is dysfunctional OP. And on behalf of perfectly capable, happy and independent single people everywhere, it's kind of insulting to have 'singledom' viewed by you and this strange person as some sort of disease. How is it your fault that he's single? What's wrong with being single?
Here's a novel idea for him: why the heck doesn't he get off his butt and find his own friends to go on holiday with and pay for the holidays instead of sponging off his 'nearest and dearest', who, so far, have obliged by being total doormats?

You need to break out of your current mindset....

Well it stands to reason a couple would earn more than a person on their own generally... but why should they subsidise the other room? And I think the OP is already being MORE than generous with sharing a family room to save her brother money. What does she and her DH get out of sharing??? Nothing. Except no privacy!

I have a single sister of 46 and by jove it's telling sometimes. The guilt trips that are pulled so often re her being single. It's highly annoying. I can at least spread this behaviour out between me and 6 siblings, we live quite close to each other.... seems the OP has her brother all to herself mostly (I think she said the rest of the family live a distance away?).

There is a definite trend for some people to view singledom as some sort of unfortunate social disease for which allowances must be made by smug marrieds

what a load of crap

and utterly patronising

if I were single and people were constantly "helping" me, and feeling sorry for my "circumstances" I would tell them to stick their charity where the sun don't shine

Seems like the OP's brother is expecting the charity... demanding it even!? Him being single is THE issue with him... which is unfair... as he unloads it on her.

I can fully understand the manipulation a single sibling can achieve within a family... it happens in mine too.

Nowhere can I see the OP is being smug about the fact she is married.

I didn't mean OP thought she was a smug married

I was talking about the peculiar entitlement her brother has about him being single and I imagine he sees her as a smug married who should fund his holidays for him

I agree with that... that would appear how he sees her... lucky/smug married.

(Like being married doesn't bring it's own host of problems with it often, that he wouldn't have to deal with, being single).

He should try some singles holidays as he's not going to meet anyone holidaying with a couple. They don't have to be sleazy or dull. He could do adventure type ones with companies like explore or exodus. You don't have to pay extra for being single either but do often have to share rooms. Lots of 30- 40 something single women too.

OP is buying into this guy's issue with being single and treating it as though it's a burden on his shoulders that he can't help and she's in some way responsible for, so in that sense, the attitude to being single is coming from both of them, but OP is in the best position to address it.

OP, does your brother live at the school all year round, therefore has no mortgage or rental costs plus presumably subsidised food, washing etc?

If so, he must have more disposable incOme than you!

I am really glad you are standing up for yourself!

Also - if you want to spend time with your brother, why not do a couple of weekends away just you and him? no argument about room cost and DH could spend time with friends or whatever. Apologies if DH's health issues preclude this.

I too am a bit baffled that most of your holiday time is spent with family.

This thread has been great fun, thanks.

Your brother is a self absorbed prick. Why does he not have any friends to go on holiday with, let alone a girl friend? Total knob head. Bet all his colleagues think he is a weirdo.

Just STOP going away with him. That is strange in itself.

There are loads of holidays single people can go on in a group where you get allocated rooms with other people (not matchmaking holidays, more activity based) and it sounds like those would be more suitable for him.

YAB a massive mug by (1) going away with him in school hold and (2) paying more when separate rooms and (3) offering to share a family room.

I also agree re going away in school hols as it suis him, well unless he's going to pay the extra cost why should you?

Seriously stop pandering to him, hes a grown man, not a child.