AIBU to not want to split costs in three?

[ElizabethDarcy]

My DH and I go away with my single brother now and again - we try and get a family room, and split the cost in three.

A couple of times, when he has made the booking, I have paid what he has said is our share... and then realised afterwards that he had simply added the cost of the single room and the double room together, and split the cost in 3. So we ended up paying more for our double room = subsidizing his room.

We have an upcoming weekend away and he will have a twin room and us a double... and he's said 'let's just split it in 3'... and I really do not think it's fair. Have said we need a family room, or he pays (in full) for his own room.

AIBU?

He thinks I am... 'poor me, always paying so much as a single person...' The usual story. We cannot help it that he is single.

'So you think he should be financially punished for daring to be single?

But you're ok with that because you're not single and it costs you less?

What happened to families helping each other out?!'

We help him out LOADS. We are a close family.

Do you honestly think that we always want to share a family room with an older brother/anyone for that matter? We do so PURELY to save HIM money. We'd far prefer our own room. But on the odd occasion when he books separate rooms, I do not see why I need to pay toward his room. Why should he always benefit with the arrangements, and never us?

Huh? They're not punishing him for being single?!?

They're willing to share to make the stay cheaper, their stay is cheaper because they share themselves ie they're advantaged because they can share.

In this case, he can't share, but they still can, so they benefit, and he doesn't - that isn't punishing, that's the luck of the draw!

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I can see splitting the cost of one room three ways. But separate rooms - no, he's just got to fork out. If I were him though, I wouldn't want to share with you and your DH. No offence but you might get up to things.

'Don't understand your reply .. Not really fair I pay £65 and you pay £65 for two of you? '

Tell him to take that up with hotel.

YANBU but the problem here is that this has happened many times before by the sounds of it and not discussed so your brother is probably surprised at the change.

If it were me I would split it 3 times on this occassion and then have a conversation with him to advise this will not be the case in future for separate rooms, that way the expectation is set ahead of any booking.

So, it turns out that the hotel has a single room supplement on offer, BUT not on the nights that we are there (busiest nights of the week).

He feels he should only pay the supplemented price... and so is effectively expecting us to pay in the extra as that supplement is not available on the nights he has booked.

This weekend idea was ours and we asked if he'd like to come along too ... and it's becoming an issue (as usual). I have a good mind for us to just go on our own, sans him.

I would go on your own, if cost is a problem for him.

Adults who are fairy solvent, pay for themselves.

If there were more, such as him not being able to work through disability, etc, then it would be generous of you to offer, but no way should he expect it.

I am a LP of teens, i get stung ruthlessly on holidays and days out, that's how it is.

Tell him to find someone to share his room with then

would he subsidise your holidays if you were the single one?

He has more money than me... has no overheads even though earns less. No disabilty/impairment. No huge fertility bills that I have etc. etc.

Is more than capable to pay for himself, but it's the principal of the thing for him... he doesn't see why he should pay a full rate for single occupancy.

Don't you know anyone, I mean anyone, who might like to take your brother on? I mean, we're always being told that it's hard to find a man. Is there something really quite wrong with him?

how often do you holiday with him ?

40 years old?? Tell him to grow up.

He either
a) brings someone although I can see why he may be single to split the costs
b) pays for the whole twin room
c) stays at home

Tell him to cancel the whole thing. It's going to be hell if he's being like this now.

Then book again yourself for a different hotel for a room you want and tell him from now on you'd rather just do your own thing as a couple.

If he doesn't want to pay for single occupancy of hotel rooms, he should use hotels that give discounts or holiday with a friend he can share with.

Single people may have to pay a supplement, but they also ONLY have to pay for themselves.

I can't speak for the whole population, but without exception, all of my single friends have a greater disposable income than the couples.

I broke out in a sweat hearing how much my single SIL spent at Ascot recently. Just as I would have pre DH, DD & DDog!

I am with pinky and lee. Single supplements are miserable and the 'kind' thing to do for family is to split the cost per adult.

That's what I do when my single friend joins DP and I. Just to be kind.

Also, when DP and I go away with my DB, his DP and my 2 DNs we split the full costs per couple for a three bed villa including the food shopping etc even though there is four of them and two of us.

It also depends on your DB's circumstances - is he single by choice? If not, I'd be kinder to him.

If you do go along with this stupid plan of his, please please please make sure you go round to his room as soon as you check in, say "DH is in the shower in ours so I'm just oging to use the bathroom in here, what with us all sharing" and then do the biggest, smelliest poo you can. (or take some stink bombs to drop in the bathroom if you can't poo on demand)

Then walk out smiling. If he complains, suggest in the future if he wants a bathroom to himself he needs to pay for a room to himself.

(but I still think you should just not go and book something else for yourself)

But if you are in a relationship, you need to leave home and pay for your own accomodation, not do as he is still doing, at 40 years old!

Swings and roundabouts.

I would ask him how much he is going to contribute to your sanitary towels, the back pay would eat up the cost of this holiday, where does it end?

It's ridiculous, one does not subsidise ones single family and friends, while it's sad he's single, if he can't afford it he should find something more within his range.

I'm single, anyone care to befriend me and subsidise my holiday I haven't had a holiday in a while and I feel terribly hard done by!

DontmindifIdo wicked!!!! haha

It's this sense of entitlement he has... and as he gets older it gets worse.

YABU.

If you were renting a cottage, would you still insist on charging per room?

I think the right thing to do is to split it 3 ways.

Re how often we go away with him... well he is in the teaching industry... and there again lies a problem.. he always asks us to go away on holiday during peak school holiday season.... whereas we, who both work for ourselves, so no work = no pay... have to pay the extra school holiday charges... when we'd naturally prefer to go during term time, to save £.

Being his closest family, we go away with him for at least 1 week to 10 days once a year, and 2 to 3 weekends away too. He does go away with his own buddies too... but likes his sister and her DH and likes holidaying with us too.

LilyBolero, in a cottage all the amenities would be shared. The seperate rooms in a hotel are not shared, and neither is the price! Yes it sucks that the hotel see fit to charge him the same price for the room as they do for two sharing, but that's not the OPs choice, nor is it her responsibilty to make up the difference in price.

Ooh, maybe you could work out how much it would cost you to go at the times you would choose if you weren't limited by his work. Then maybe he can pay the difference, as surely it's not really fair for you to pay more than you have to?

Good Lord, you really do have M-U-G spelled out on your forehead