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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mad dh even considered this?

142 replies

dorset04 · 05/08/2012 19:04

So I am having a csection in 4 weeks. Dh has only a few days off planned. I am obvoiusly concerened about this but that's another thread.
However, his latest gem is that he could take a day off work to take kids to a theme park in the holidays.
Obviously this is not going to happen but I am furious he even considered it for a second.
Surely if he can grab back any holiday it should be used to suport us after section.
It almost feels like he doesn't really care about me or new baby.
Maybe I am being abit unreasonable as I suppose it is nice him wanting to do something nice for our existing dc.
Thoughts please.

OP posts:
Hassled · 05/08/2012 19:06

YANBU. It's probably not lack of care and more lack of thought, but either way he's a muppet. Have you pointed the bleeding obvious out to him?

Dprince · 05/08/2012 19:07

I think yabu, but can understand why.
Just because he can get an extra day off now, doesn't mean he can in 4 weeks. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, but is thinking about the kids you have. It would be nice and fun for them.

Raspberrysorbet · 05/08/2012 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FallenCaryatid · 05/08/2012 19:08

He can go with them, who will he organise to come in and look after you?
He probably thought it would make your existing children happy and less resentful of the disruption a new baby causes.

WorraLiberty · 05/08/2012 19:09

I agree with Dprince

Your other kids matter too and he's just thinking of them...and you too probably as it's got to be better than looking after all of them.

flyoverthehill · 05/08/2012 19:10

wot he wants to take the kids out for a day, get your feet up and enjoy it. Surely he'll get paternity leave, at least he wants to take the kids out, and he's not off playing golf with his mates.

GhostShip · 05/08/2012 19:10

I think it's a good idea.

KaFayOLay · 05/08/2012 19:10

Yabu.
Surely if he's taking the other dc out, he is giving you time with the newborn.

rainydaysarebad · 05/08/2012 19:11

Don't you think it would be nice for your other children to have a nice quality day out before the baby comes along? I packed dd off to London with dh a month before DS was born so she could get a bit of attention before baby came along. I think you're being a tiny bit U.

Original poster
dorset04 · 05/08/2012 19:26

He wants to take dc out before baby comes. This would come out of same holiday entilement which is so tight he can only take 2 or 3 days off following my section.
Also not taking any parental leave as doesn't want to take a hit on salary.
He can easily take dc out for the day at the weekend and has already done this.

OP posts:
FallenCaryatid · 05/08/2012 19:28

No friends, no family to drop in on you?

Petsinmyolympicpudenda · 05/08/2012 19:29

I think it a good idea. It's something special for the children to do with their dad before the chaos that comes with a new baby

DontmindifIdo · 05/08/2012 19:29

no, not before the baby comes, any spare holiday allowance has to be after the baby comes. Have you pointed out you might need caring for? What if you have complications and have to stay in hospital? Will he get time off to do it or is there family nearby who can help out?

He should be saving every spare day for post baby.

Original poster
dorset04 · 05/08/2012 19:30

ka I feel I will have plenty of time alone with newborn. Including 1st full day I am in hospital when he is going to work from home.

OP posts:
rhondajean · 05/08/2012 19:30

I think it's a lovely thought.

Dprince · 05/08/2012 19:31

Its one day. Do you need someone around every day because you are pg or are their other reasons.
Are you not in the UK, what about paternity leave.
Sorry but I still think yabu. I think it would be great to take the kids out, it is the summer holiday and good for you to have a days rest.

RandomMess · 05/08/2012 19:31

Erm I think he needs to save his leave to help you out after the baby is born.

rhondajean · 05/08/2012 19:33

Actually now I think about it

The poor guy wants to take his kids for a day out during their school holidays

I'd guess you aren't feeling up to doing much with them at this point

And you are furious with him for thinking of it? He's just trying to think of the kids that are already here as well as the one that's on the way.

Catsmamma · 05/08/2012 19:34

so the issue is not really the theme park day off but the fact that he is unwilling to take more than a couple of days off after the birth?

eurochick · 05/08/2012 19:35

Doesn't he get paid paternity leave? None at all?

Dprince · 05/08/2012 19:36

I think catsmamma has hit the nail on the head. I may be wrong, but if catsmamma is right, don't let the kids miss out.

Whatevertheweather · 05/08/2012 19:36

I'm due to have a section in 10 days - some of the time dp is having off will be spent taking dd1 out for the day. I won't need him with me 24/7 and will be nice for them to have some time together.

I think yabu. Your older children will really appreciate a day with their dad and you get a whole days peace in the summer holidays.

Original poster
dorset04 · 05/08/2012 19:37

He seems to have totally forgotten what a csection is. He even expressed surprise when I said wouldn't be able to drive for a good few weeks after op.
Unfortunately I don't have family close by who can visit and my parents are no longer with us. Originally MIL was going to help but even this isn't really forthcoming now. Hopefully some friends can visit but most of them work or have young families of their own.

OP posts:
JustFabulous · 05/08/2012 19:38

YABU.

It is a lovely thing for him to do. Let's face it, the new baby won't know him from Adam for a while whereas the children you already have will benefit from, and love, a day out with Dad.

Not taking more than a couple of days off after the C-section is a different issue.

CockyPants · 05/08/2012 19:39

Men can be fucking thick, can't they? YANBU.