to be mad dh even considered this?

[dorset04]

So I am having a csection in 4 weeks. Dh has only a few days off planned. I am obvoiusly concerened about this but that's another thread.
However, his latest gem is that he could take a day off work to take kids to a theme park in the holidays.
Obviously this is not going to happen but I am furious he even considered it for a second.
Surely if he can grab back any holiday it should be used to suport us after section.
It almost feels like he doesn't really care about me or new baby.
Maybe I am being abit unreasonable as I suppose it is nice him wanting to do something nice for our existing dc.
Thoughts please.

YANBU! He needs more than a few days off after you have your section. When is he having these days off? Because i was in hospital for 3 days minimum after one of my section (and 5, 7 and 10 days with the others)

3 days is no where near enough when you've had a section, even though i was out after 3 days i could still barely move properly and needed DH to do almost everything to help with the kids, and my school run was only 5 minutes but no way could I have done it as soon as I got home.

It's nice he wants to take the kids out, but you're having a holiday anyway, so it's not like they're missing out.

Yabu.

your other dc need their parent as much, if not more than you and new baby does, when new baby arrives.

Let him take them.

It is up to you as a family to ensure you have wrap around care with kids and new baby around the time of birth and after.

YABU - you can't throw all the family resource into the new arrival, you have to keep some spare for the other kids, and your DH is the best one to do that.

3 days is not enough. You need more support after c section. If you don't get that support you risk your health and recovery time will be longer.

You say you can't afford paternity leave. If I were you I'd find a way of either borrowing next years leave or funding an extra week off somehow. Even if it means cancelling holiday.

My DP had a full month off after each of my c sections using part holiday part PL and I needed him.

Feels like neither of you gave thought this plan through very well.

I want to bang my head on a wall! Do some of you know what a c section is? It is major abdominal surgery. It's not a little operation. You can't walk for a day, walking is difficult for weeks afterwards. You can lift things up.

She needs her DH's support. Not going off on a trip to a theme park. Of course the kids need him. They'll need him even more if she ends up back in hospital because he's gone gallivanting off on a trip instead of having time off to look after her and she's overdone it.

Well, some of us are parents, with more than one child, and not even a unicorn in sight...

That should say can't lift things up. No weightlifting!

Not sure what you mean QuintesstialShadows ??

I'm a parent, with 5 kids and have had 4 sections. And no unicorn.

Sorry the unicorn was a reference to trolls in the past that pretend that their unicorn toys are their children....

Yes, a new mum needs plenty of support after birth, and after a section. But I dont think this means that a father should not take their other children out to a theme park before the new baby arrives. There will hardly be any time for gallivanting to theme parks AFTER baby is born?

I dont think existing children should take a back seat, especially not with a new baby arriving. Jealousy, resentment, and all that.

In an ideal world, where he's got loads of holiday and full-paid paternity leave yes. But he hasn't!

He can spend quality time with the DCs when the baby is here - which won't necessarily involve lots of money.
Plus , they are going on holiday before the baby arrives. Isn't that enough 'quality time' for heaven's sake? Why do they need a theme park trip on top of that?

Exactly, if they're going on holiday why can't he take them to a theme park then, while mum has a nice lazy day in the hotel/cottage/caravan/tent?? Why the extra day off?

Plus her kids are 7 and 5, so not toddlers that are going to be demanding extra attention, they are hopefully old enough to understand why their mum needs dad around and they might not be able to do everything they normally would for a while.

Course yanbu. How he intends on spending the days annual leave is irrelevant. The op is due to have abdominal surgery. Anyone with half a brain would be saving annual leave to support the op when she needs it the most. Taking a day before the cs when that day could prove to be very necessary post cs is daft.

Bit of an aside, don't know where you are in Dorset but I know a fab doula who does post natal support. . .

"I dont think existing children should take a back seat, especially not with a new baby arriving. Jealousy, resentment, and all that."

In what universe of spoilt brattery is not going to a theme park on a weekday "taking a back seat"?

He could take them on a weekend
He could take them during their week long holiday
He could take them after the baby comes

But NO

Apparently these children will shrivel up and die if they don't get taken to a theme park RIGHT NOW!

FFS there are children up and down the country who aren't going to a theme park this summer.

Are they all deprived and "taking a back seat"?

Or is not going to theme parks because time and/or money need to be spent on other things just part of normal life.

Most of the support DH gave me during the 3 weeks he was off after my section 3 weeks ago was basically dealing with the other children while I could not.

These kids will need their Dad after the new baby comes a hell of a lot more than anyone can need a trip to a theme park on a week day in August that is not during their holiday.

An update. Sorry this has become one long dripfeed. The day for Theme Park trip was to be taken from 4 additional days leave saved by dh for xmas! (didn't realise this)
Had another chat and have agreed kids get Theme Park Day but I also get additional day tacked on to time off after birth.
(Theme Park Day won't be expensive as have vouchers)
He is also going to ask whether employer can maybe let him have a day or 2 Parental leave on full pay. This is something his previous employer used to do.
I don't know why I am getting so worked up this time as he only had a week off last time and we managed. I guess its just harder as I don't have my mum this time. (not that she was able to help in a practical way) Plus I am more worried about complictions as its my 3rd one.
BTW no longer living in Dorset. If we did there would probably be no need to go on holiday.

Geez, Athing, that is quite possibly the most unbalance post I have ever seen from you. WTF is the matter WITH taking a couple of kids to the theme park over the holidays, most bizarre conclusion: either deprived or going to theme park. Who said that?

You are both being idiots about this.

All 4 of those "extra" Christmas days should be used post-CS, plus whatever paternity leave he can wangle from his work.

I just had my 3rd section, and I recovered well and quickly. I needed DH at home for more than a few days.

You will need more support than this.

Why on earth is a day at a theme park such a priority that you are putting your health at risk to facilitate it?

" WTF is the matter WITH taking a couple of kids to the theme park over the holidays"

Nothing, if you have the time to do it.

Which this man does not.

Except that he thinks he does because he is an irresponsible fool.

I agree those Christmas days would be better spent after section. However, I am going to be flexible on this one. If I recover well and have enough help with school run than I will let it go. However, if not than I agree those days should be swapped.

I personally found it blissful when dh took ds1 out for a day to a theme park when ds2 was a new born. I did not have a c section, but my spd was so bad I could not walk, not carry and lift anything. Knowing that ds1 was out having fun, rather than moping about sad that mum spent life in bed with newborn, was miles better than trying to deal with him on top of everything.

I honestly think your dh thought you would welcome him taking the kids off you like this.

"I personally found it blissful when dh took ds1 out for a day to a theme park when ds2 was a new born."

Um, sure.

So if he was planning to take them to a theme park after the baby was born, that would be fine.

But he's taking them now and leaving a woman to deal singlehandedly with 3 children days after abdominal surgery.

The 3 weeks DH was off after my 3rd section was mostly spent taking our elder two out on various outings and jaunts.

It was somewhere between blissful and absolutely necessary. I could manage the baby on my own, but not all 3.

It was a lovely time for DH and the bigger girls (although he was pretty tired from being woken at night and doing most of the housework).

Then I have got the wrong end of the stick. I though he was planning on taking them after the baby was born, not now!

Sorry. My entire stance is dependent on him taking the children after baby is born.

A Thing, you are still very ranty. Dorset has come back and explained a good solution that she and her DH have discussed and you are still ranting on. Many people have to manage with kids and major abdominal surgery without much help ( i had 4 dcs and emergency abdominal surgery and DH was literally unable to get much time off at all), of course it is difficult, and it would be better not, but sometimes that is life. For higher earners the paternity leave entitlement is derisory - £130 pw compared to normal salary of £2000 or more - I don't know what the OP's husband earns but the above figure is not unreasonable. To lose that amount of money at a time when the Op won't be earning, and with the extra costs of new baby is not feasible for many individuals.
OP I would second the suggestion of paying someone local to take your dcs to school after the section, and for a cleaner for a few weeeks.

It's not a good solution, it's a depressing bargain - "please, please take an extra day off and use the rest of your holidays for pointless pissing about."

"but sometimes that is life."

And if it "was life" because there genuinely wasn't any option, that would be fine.

But taking 3 days off to spend with your wife post section while you hoard days for Christmas/days out to theme parks is rotten behaviour.

This fucker is not even planning to be off the day of the section.

DH has never taken a day of SPL for the reasons you mention, so he uses annual leave.

There is no good reason for the OP to be left alone so soon after her op.

It's just that her H can't be arsed prioritising her.

Wow, just WOW-why are you so annoyed on her behalf AThing?

I dunno, why do you care?