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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be mad dh even considered this?

142 replies

dorset04 · 05/08/2012 19:04

So I am having a csection in 4 weeks. Dh has only a few days off planned. I am obvoiusly concerened about this but that's another thread.
However, his latest gem is that he could take a day off work to take kids to a theme park in the holidays.
Obviously this is not going to happen but I am furious he even considered it for a second.
Surely if he can grab back any holiday it should be used to suport us after section.
It almost feels like he doesn't really care about me or new baby.
Maybe I am being abit unreasonable as I suppose it is nice him wanting to do something nice for our existing dc.
Thoughts please.

OP posts:

Inertia · 05/08/2012 19:42

Surely he doesn't work 7 days a week every week ? He can use weekends ( or whatever days off he gets ) to take children out for the day. No need to use up annual leave days - I agree that he needs to save those for the post-birth days .

Changlingz · 05/08/2012 19:43

What a bastard.

WorraLiberty · 05/08/2012 19:43

If they want to go to a theme park, the weekends are pretty much a no-no.

MrsBeep · 05/08/2012 19:44

What country are you from? I'm also curious to know why he can't take the 2 weeks paid paternity.

Original poster

dorset04 · 05/08/2012 19:44

How many days is your dh taking after section whatever?
I guess its all mixed up together. I am really starting to worry about my section. It will be my 3rd so could be more complicated and the recovery could be harder. I had accepted that holiday was tight and that I would have to have limited support after op.
Hence why I was cross that he could find an extra day to do fun stuff with dc before delivery but not after.
Paternity leave is only about £130 ish per week and dh is not prepared to take it.

OP posts:

BlueCanary · 05/08/2012 19:44

He is probably not suggesting the most sensible solution. But I think he means well.

Are things very tight money-wise? Is that why he is concerned about PL?

thekidsarealright · 05/08/2012 19:44

He wants to take his existing kids out for the day before the rush and chaos of a new baby? What a wanker

What do you actually need him to be doing for you on this whole day of kid free restful bliss peace?

I think YABU.

Catsu · 05/08/2012 19:45

So he has refused to take more than 3 days off after you have a c section despite you being very worried about it and telling him so.
And now he wants to take a days holiday before baby comes to go to a theme park when he has lots of free weekend/non work days to do so.
Yanbu.

I'd say, yes pleas to the extra days holiday but book it for after the baby arrives and use a Saturday for the theme park day.
He gets his day at the theme park, the kids get their day out snd you get an extra day to recover from a major op
Win win all round

Nanny0gg · 05/08/2012 19:45

So, the OP is having a C-section and will have her DH's help when she comes home with newborn for a few days at the most.

And you think she is unreasonable for giving up one of the days for before the birth?

Explain how she is supposed to look after newborn and exisiting DC (how old are they, OP?) on her own after abdominal surgery? Whilst also possibly establishing feeding and on very little sleep?

OP - You are not the slightest bit U.

squeakytoy · 05/08/2012 19:46

One day that is for the benefit of the kids who are going to be feeling a bit left out once you have had the baby seems quite thoughtful and reasonable to me.

OddBoots · 05/08/2012 19:46

I can understand your frustration but try to turn it into a positive, explain your concerns and suggest maybe he takes them swimming or something at the weekend.

Original poster

dorset04 · 05/08/2012 19:47

I guess you do have a point with that worra. Went to Legoland on a weekend and it was nightmare.
Latest idea is to take them for 2 days on the trot. (poss Saturday and Sunday)

OP posts:

mamij · 05/08/2012 19:48

I see where you are coming from, but I think it's nice he's doing something special for your DCs before the new arrival comes. Put your feet up and enjoy! Or book yourself in for a facial/pedicure etc without DCs too!

Original poster

dorset04 · 05/08/2012 19:50

Dc are 7 and 5 so not babies. At least they will be pretty much back at school by time of section. Really hoping though I can get someone to do school run for me for the 2nd week though.

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 05/08/2012 19:52

I assume you're not doing anything else with the kids these summer holidays? Not going away at all? I wonder if he is trying to ensure they have a good holiday? Have you asked him to take more leave at the c-section time and he's refused? Or has he said he will take three days and you've gone along with that?

JustFabulous · 05/08/2012 19:53

Why does it matter whether he takes the children before or after the birth? It has the same result as you at home without him or the existing children.

Whatevertheweather · 05/08/2012 19:53

Section is on a Wednesday so he's having that day. I'm expecting to be in hospital until the Friday so he'll have dd1 Thurs/Fri. Then he's having the week after off too so I appreciate it's more than your dh is managing but quite honestly the time off is more for his benefit than mine and I don't expect him to be home with me all that time.

I may have been lucky but I didn't find the recovery too bad last year when I had a c-sec was able to move around quite freely after 3/4 days. Everyone is different with the recovery though I guess. If he can have 3 days after you get home tacked on to a weekend that should give you 3 days in hospital plus 5 days with him around? How old are your older children?

Sassybeast · 05/08/2012 19:56

So you get a child free day to relax, sleep and chill before your CS. YABU.

TellyBug · 05/08/2012 19:56

YABU.

Chandon · 05/08/2012 20:00

yabu.

i had to read your OP twice to figure what is wrong and why you are irate.

one day.Theme park. be grateful you won't have to go!

Original poster

dorset04 · 05/08/2012 20:03

We are all going on holiday for a week before the birth and I have made sure we go out and do something most days.
Personally I would rather be on my without him and dc before the csection as i will need more help than.

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 05/08/2012 20:04

Actually thinking this over OP - there may be another possibility for your situation. Recovery from a vaginal birth is usually much easier than c-section. Is there a specfic medical reason why you can't have a vaginal birth? Because that could be worth thinking about (again). There are lots of people on here who can share their experiences of vaginal birth after c-section. If it's medically appropriate that might be a better idea for all your family. I was certainly able to do the school run three days after my third dd was born. I doubt I could have done that with a c-section.

Original poster

dorset04 · 05/08/2012 20:09

Tbh I would prefer a vaginal birth. However, hospital believe a repeat section is safer after an emergency section and failed VBAC. Sadly I think they are probably right.

OP posts:

DontmindifIdo · 05/08/2012 20:10

I would suggest that if he won't take the paternity leave because it pays too low, then you need to sit down and say properly without having a go at him that he needs to realise what you are about to go though and the high risk of complication. That you will definately need help for the first fortnight, it will be 6 weeks before your insurance is valid and you might be in too much pain to walk very far, who is going to do the school run for the older ones?

Find out how much holiday leave he has and plan it as a family - ideally as much as possible in the first few weeks.

Is there any money in the family budget/savings to pay for help if you need it? What would he do if you do get infected and have to stay in hospital? I would assume you're going ot be in for 5 days, not just 24 hours. I don't know anyone who was home from a csection in less than 4 days. Dont just spring this on him, or suggest that it's yours to sort, it's a family problem.

But don't just have a go, sit down and plan this - if you are a SAHM then I would suggest the holiday allowance he has is also a family resource, you should have as much say in that as the money budgetting (i did notice you said "he said" you couldn't afford to take paternity leave, can you not? Have you looked at the figures and worked it out between you or are you just asking for him to take the time and not discussed how it will paid for?)

MariaCallous · 05/08/2012 20:13

I think it is ludicrous that he is only planning a few days off after you have major surgery but can piss away a days annual leave doing something he fancies under the guise of taking care of the DC. Could he not take the extra day and do theme park malarkey with the DC after the CS?

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