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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mad dh even considered this?

142 replies

dorset04 · 05/08/2012 19:04

So I am having a csection in 4 weeks. Dh has only a few days off planned. I am obvoiusly concerened about this but that's another thread.
However, his latest gem is that he could take a day off work to take kids to a theme park in the holidays.
Obviously this is not going to happen but I am furious he even considered it for a second.
Surely if he can grab back any holiday it should be used to suport us after section.
It almost feels like he doesn't really care about me or new baby.
Maybe I am being abit unreasonable as I suppose it is nice him wanting to do something nice for our existing dc.
Thoughts please.

OP posts:
BarredfromhavingStella · 06/08/2012 11:46

I really don't, just find it quite amazing that you've got so wound up over this on her behalf-if she was a RL mate then maybe...........

AThingInYourLife · 06/08/2012 12:08

You do understand that you are only imagining how wound up you think I am?

NotGeoffVader · 06/08/2012 12:13

I think the day out is a good idea but a few days post C-Section isn't good. Does he not get paternity leave?

iggi777 · 06/08/2012 12:16

I would suggest the OP tries to stay in hospital as long as possible - very surprised they'd let you out within a day or two, I've had 5 days and 4 days, and if I'd not been keen to go they wouldn't have pushed me. It's hard enough dealing with your recovery and getting feeding established, without being expected to get on with looking after other kids and running them about. Does the dh in question not want the paternity leave for bonding purposes, if not to help his dw?

BarredfromhavingStella · 06/08/2012 12:41

No, it's very clear from your ranty posts that you're wound up...............Hmm

BlueCanary · 06/08/2012 13:22

Presumably the 4 days at Xmas are for the benefit of the WHOLE family not just the dh.

Cherubim · 06/08/2012 13:33

AThing is pretty much always ranty, as far as I have seen!

AThingInYourLife · 06/08/2012 13:42

"No, it's very clear from your ranty posts that you're wound up..............."

:o

Is it now?

It might seem clear to the uninitiated that your repeated questioning means you're interested.

And yet apparently you're not.

Funny that.

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/08/2012 13:45

for a selfish, inconiderate irresponsible bastard the DH seems to spend alot of time asking his wife if its ok to do things.

HumphreyCobbler · 06/08/2012 13:57

I think only taking three days off after a c section is deeply weird, and I hate all the people who come on to tell us how they were mowing the lawn/cleaning out the elephants/climbing a mountain after only 24 hours and therefore everyone else should do the same.

Women shouldn't have to get on with it as normal after having a baby. They have had a baby and are entitled to some support in a civilised society.

dreamingbohemian · 06/08/2012 13:59

I completely agree with AThing

OP, imagine your husband had major abdominal surgery. Would you feel comfortable leaving him with 3 kids, school run duties and all, after 3 days? I think probably not. So why is it okay for you?

It sounds like he's not being open about how much time he actually has available and what his plans are, which is completely messed up. You shouldn't have to beg for an extra day of help after major surgery.

It sounds like he can work from home, he should at least be willing to do that for a good while longer, it would let him do the school run at least.

As for not being able to afford the salary differential, by the time you add in the extra childcare you may need, cleaner, etc., it may not be so much.

NotGeoffVader · 06/08/2012 14:07

Sorry I realised I had missed your post about the financial situation, OP.

However, if it is possible for his employer to let him have several further days at normal wage, that can only be helpful.

I had an EMCS with DD and it took me a couple of months to get back to 'normal'. I was up and about after the three days I had to stay in hospital (as I also had to have a blood transfusion) but just couldn't manage anything. Had to be helped into the shower, out of the shower, down the stairs, into the car...

I wonder if you can possibly grit your teeth/tighten the purse strings and take the short-term financial blow? Time spent resting/healing has to be worth over and above anything wage-related. You mentioned unexpected bills but I would think that in the circumstances, anyone would be allowed a little leeway provided that evidence is provided? That is to say, if you were being pursued for a payment, the fact that you have just had major surgery ought to be taken into consideration.

The alternative may be to see if he can take any time off in advance - from next year's 'quota'?

TheDoctrineOfEnnis · 06/08/2012 14:24

That is a good idea Geoff - we are allowed to borrow forward 5 days at work and might be allowed more in circumstances like thus.

Ephiny · 06/08/2012 15:13

It doesn't sound that awful to me. If you feel the time would be better used after the birth (and you're probably right) then of course YANBU to say so, but 'furious he even considered it for a second' sounds like an over-reaction.

otchayaniye · 06/08/2012 15:19

after my second planned section i was out in 24 hours and carrying baby round in a wrap to the zoo on the fourth day on an outing with eldest

yes, relax and take it easy and don't walk for hours but i found my planned sections were a doddle and difn't really compromise my activities (apart from lifting eldest up and lots of bending etc) beyond a few days.

so see how you do.

i think it's lovely he wants to take the children out.

otchayaniye · 06/08/2012 15:22

and yes, i know you don't have to mow the lawn hours after birth but i was on a high and really felt strong and capable and enjoyed going out. i was in much much better ahape than a good few friends who'd had natural births or emcs

Thumbwitch · 06/08/2012 15:30

YANBU and I agree that he might have to consider using his "saved days for Christmas" after your section as well.
Also agree that "thoughtlessness" is likely the root cause of his suggestion.

Hope you have worked it out to your satisfaction now and good luck with the section!

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