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AIBU?

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Original poster

Please Help me- I am in shock my life has suddenly turned into the Jeremy Kyle show

159 replies

broodyandpoor · 02/08/2012 21:53

Tonight my DP (of 3 years) me 28 him 45 came home to tellme that £460 has been automatically taken out of his monthly wage from the CSA
Today is the irst he has ever know of or heard of the fact he even has achild.
He is apparently 21 now and my DP owes £9000 which without any warning the CSA have taken from his wage. It is as simple as this- he is on a minimum wage and another month of this will leave us homeless Sad
He rang the CSA who said that they tried to contact him in 1998 to no avail.
When he told them that today is the first he knew he even had a child they hung up on him Confused
This cant be right can it Please does anyone know anything about the laws on this where do we turn to?

OP posts:
meetupmisery · 02/08/2012 23:17

Think this is a load of rubbish I really do.

Original poster
broodyandpoor · 02/08/2012 23:17

He says he has never heard about it until now but when I looked on the statement of payments it says he has credited the balance by £2,500 at some point he claims not to know about this?

OP posts:
kim147 · 02/08/2012 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shullbit · 02/08/2012 23:20

He stormed off? Is that how he always deals with things? Just ignoring that the problems are there?

If that had of been my partner, I wouldn't give two hoots if he was tired. About time he manned up and took responsibility and I would be ramming that into his head till he accepted it. No way would he be sleeping away after lying to me, and leaving me with a million unanswered questions running around in my head all night.

Original poster
broodyandpoor · 02/08/2012 23:21

Im just tired of his burying his head in the sand behaviour I have never had to leave someone that I love before but I think now will be a first time I cant stomach this, it too dramatic.
He simply doesnt face up to things, I can understand ignoring 1 letter but theres about 6 of them. GUTTED Sad
I dont know how I will cope at work tomorrow my boss knows me very well and she will be able to tell that something's up Sad

OP posts:
MrsTomHardy · 02/08/2012 23:23

This doesnt sound good

Original poster
broodyandpoor · 02/08/2012 23:23

Thanks Shullbit- yes he does tend to just run away and hide when I confront him, Im so upset I have invested so much time, money, energy into our home and now I have to leave Sad

OP posts:
Softlysoftly · 02/08/2012 23:24

So he's lying and useless then if he has already paid some.

This isn't just about handling money differently it's about him ignoring and tbh not caring he has a child, not great father material.

You are young, you have a future at Uni, walk away now and meet someone you can trust who cares about a potential child.

Or don't and truly make yourself a J.Vile guest by stating but I lurve him

BonkeySaysTeamGBAreTheMollocks · 02/08/2012 23:24

Why do you have to leave?

He is the one in the wrong here!

Softlysoftly · 02/08/2012 23:26

That wasn't meant as harshly as it sounded Blush it's hard to write off time and start again but I would say its an absolute must at this point

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/08/2012 23:26

Have to disagree with your point 2, froggies, DS asked the CSA to garnish his wages so his ex couldn't claim he hadn't paid.

Original poster
broodyandpoor · 02/08/2012 23:29

Because he wont be able to get it together to leave so Ill end up owing loads of money Id rather just go Sad as it is Sad

OP posts:
Shullbit · 02/08/2012 23:29

Have you confronted him about the payments?

I would be smashing pans together till the bastard lying sod got up and gave me some answers.

Sorry, but I agree. You really shouldn't be starting a family with this man.

Original poster
broodyandpoor · 02/08/2012 23:31

I did but he didnt know where or when then they'd come out from.
I just feel that he isn't telling me the whole truth Sad Its funny because if he told me everything then Id be more inclined to help him but he is drip feeding me and that is what is pissing me off

OP posts:
Socknickingpixie · 02/08/2012 23:33

seams you have a choice stay with him and starve if you have any kids and break up expect him not to pay towards them for years and years (oh if you have kids and as low income is an issue and you jointly claim tax credits they are also fair game to the csa its not like your wages)

can he not read?

froggies · 02/08/2012 23:34

Fair does, was looking at it from my perspective, wouldn't contemplate claiming I hadn't received when I actually had (and basing it on my conversation with CSA, about my circumstances). Can totally understand needing proof or payment.

Shullbit · 02/08/2012 23:35

Haven't you got a friend you could go to for the night? Maybe after a good rant and bottle of wine, you would be able to get some sleep. Right now, you are just going to keep seeing the letters and having questions going around your head all night.

Shullbit · 02/08/2012 23:37

You would hopefully be able to get some sleep I meant.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/08/2012 23:41

Because you, froggies, are not an arsewank fuckbadger. :)

This guy is, though. :(

froggies · 02/08/2012 23:46

Agree. Poor OP Sad

Original poster
broodyandpoor · 02/08/2012 23:51

No froggies you are not says
I was just starting to enjoy our home, inviting friends round, feeling really settled and ready to have children in a year or two and now it's all turned to dust in one evening.
How can I ever gt over him deceiving me about such a big thing?
He moved to uk from france many years ago maybe he should just go back there and start a fresh without me

OP posts:
oldraver · 03/08/2012 00:13

OP he is obviously telling you only what he can get away with, he would of known about this a long long time ago as CSA does move very very slowly. He has probably done the usual head in sand trick and thought if he ignored them they would go away, but there is something called Presumed Paternity ie once you have been named by a mother, unless you ask for DNA test, it is presumed you are the father.

Has he acknowledged if he is the father to you/CSA at all ?

Original poster
broodyandpoor · 03/08/2012 00:29

I dont think he has acknowledged anything.. when we first got together he told me about this girl he was with in London many years ago who used to try to persuade him to have a baby so that they would be given a council house but he said he left her because she had dodgy friends and they had different aims.
No 3 years later Im remebering that conversation and wonder if he has been lying to himself for many years.
Tonight I asked him if she was pregnant when he left and he said well she was always saying that she was pregnant Confused

OP posts:
Morloth · 03/08/2012 00:30

It could be worse, you could be married to him and tied to him for years because of some kids.

You are NOT. You are 28 at uni and have a whole exciting life ahead of you.

DO. NOT. saddle yourself with this man.

Don't lose 30 years because you think you have wasted 3. JUST. DON'T.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 03/08/2012 00:33

Sorry if my language offended you, broody, if it helps froggies is a RL friend of mine.

And what Morloth said.