To tell my DP things friends tell me?

[CharlieMouseWillDoIt]

One of my closest friends told me that her and her DP are going to start trying for another baby soon. She didn't tell me not to tell anyone, but it obviously was implicit that I wasn't going to start shouting it from the rooftops. I did, however, tell my DP.

This got me thinking - my husband and I tell each other pretty much everything, including things our friends say and do. DP and I keep what we say between ourselves and don't spread gossip between friends.

Are we being unreasonable??

But the point of that is you didn't mind him knowing, but just didn't want to tell him yourself. That's fine- it's not something you wanted to keep secret. If you had said "please don't tell anyone" then that would have been different.

So I was therefore not being unreasonable for telling my DH that my friend was TTC and my other friend was pregnant, even though they might not have wanted to tell my DH themselves??

If you were sure your friend didn't mind, then of course it was ok to tell your dp. But if you didn't know whether she minded or not, or knew she did mind, then of course you would have been wrong to tell anyone.

:-) I was only teasing really in my last post.

This issue has made me think and I realise that different people have different ideas as to what is acceptable to share with their DH/DP and under what circumstances.

I am confident that I know my DH and my friends well enough to know that what I say to DH is OK and I accept that what I tell my friends may well be passed on to their DP's, but I am also OK with that.

I am sorry that some people now have had their trust shaken in their friendships.

So why just dps? I have my best friend staying with me at the moment. I have known her for 10 years longer than I have known dp.

Would it be OK for me to tell her somebody else's secrets?

No silly! Because you and your best friend haven't been magically fused by the highest of Disney powers into an almighty super solo being.

at squoosh

I understand now. Dp and I aren't married. Do you only become a super solo being if we're actually married? Is that why I don't understand?

Personally, I think the difference between DH and friends I have known much longer than him is that I live with DH. We have seen each other more or less every single day for the last 13 years. We wake up together, we speak on the telephone once a day when he is at work, we eat dinner together, we spend our evenings together (and before anyone jumps in - yes we do have time apart occasionally).

I am not one of the posters who have said that DH and I are "one", but our lives are entwined - we have a child together, a joint mortgage, our career choices affect one another - in short we know each other in and out. We are interested in each other and that extends to our friends (both mutual and our individual friends).

I have friends that I have known longer than DH, but none of the above applies, so it isn't appropriate to talk to my friends about other friends.

You may think it's just a ring on a finger but you're wrong. Upon placing the ring on the finger will envoke the mighty vision of a Pure Love. Pure Love usually takes the form of a Care Bear (usually Love-a-Lot bear) riding in on a My Little Pony (usually Peachy Pie) to magically fuse your two souls together.

You seem a bit worked up about this topic seeker, I assume there is some sort of backstory that makes it difficult for you to accept that for some people their relationship with their DP is qualitatively different and has a greater level of trust, intimacy and openness than any other relationship they might have?

Everyone is different. Just take it on the chin (and trust no-one!)

I suddenly feel all bereft and lonely. As if the sun has gone out......

Sounding a bit bitter their squoosh. Don't worry, we still love you.

"You seem a bit worked up about this topic seeker, I assume there is some sort of backstory that makes it difficult for you to accept that for some people their relationship with their DP is qualitatively different and has a greater level of trust, intimacy and openness than any other relationship they might have?"

No. What I don't get is why that relationship should take away somebody else's rights......!

And I can't understand why someone feels it's acceptable to tell someone else's secrets to someone else, no matter who they are.

Or why not telling somebody else's secrets ould affect the honesty of a relationship....

Not bitter at all! Just can't understand he biggie about keeping a secret.

Really and truly.

I wouldn't admire my husband for spilling to me personal secrets that someone had told him in confidence.

Would you?

If someone asks you not to tell anyone I would take it at face value, otherwise surely they would say 'don't tell anyone except your DP'?

If they were telling me their would be a context to it and it would go no further than me. Nothing to admire or not admire, its just day to day life.

As a caveat our friends' lives do not consist of constant secret revelations about affairs, abortions or bouts of thrush as seems to be the case for some people here so it's not like this is something we think about much. Some of you must either be very young or just have friends with lives that resemble a soap opera!

You've just jinxed yourself Bluegrass this time next week you'll be bowled over by a tidal wave of shocking revelations.

You'll be looking at your friends as if they belong between the pages of 'What a Shocker' magazine

Can't remember the last time I saw a good thrush storyline on Coronation Street!

God I hope not, then I'd feel obliged to try make up some interesting stuff about me to share with them!

Actually , I have sometimes told friends things...

Another friend is undergoing IVF. I told her about my other friend's success, because I was being a good friend and wanted to reassure her that it can work. They don't know each other, and are unlikely to ever meet. Does this also count as breaking a friend's confidence?

quoteunquote Are you Amish or something?

*Quoteunquote-do you and your dp not have any separate friends either?

This might be a wild stab in the dark- but are you by any chance members of a kibbutz or something like that? Or some other closed/semi closed community*

sorry Seeker that made me snork smoothy all over my key board,

some might say where we live is one big alternative community,

Of course we have separate friends,

skimming through the thread it seems that others who are in long term relationships have the same arrangement, maybe it works never having anything unsaid,

I can almost guarantee that if a friend has something occurring in their life they will head over to ours to share,

I'm very open about my life experiences, so most people find me easy to talk to, as is DH,

I did have a Quaker upbringing, secrecy would not be encouraged.

I'm also high functioning Autistic, so I can't handle lying, or misleading people, I like to be straight forward in all dealings, if you ask me something you are going to get an honest answer, all my friends appreciate that, so they tell me.