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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I just jealous?

231 replies

tinkersmelly · 01/08/2012 16:53

My ex's girlfriend keeps calling our children her step children. As far as I am concerned she is dating him but my our children are nothing really to do with her yet as they have only been together 5 months.

They actually had an affair when my ex and I were married (and I was pregnant) and now, a year later, they are back together again. I will admit I am jealous of their relationship as I am nowhere near ready to move on yet.

I took our children to meet her as she will be in their lives to some extent, and she patted them on the head and introduced herself as their stepmum. I corrected her right away (they aren't even engaged let alone married) She also posts pictures on facebook of them in an album entitled 'My Family'. Which annoys me because they aren't her family, and she shouldn't be posting pictures of my children. I have asked my ex to have a word, but he sees it as harmless and doesn't want to cause friction.

Does anyone have any experience of this? AIBU to not want my children to call someone stepmum after 5 months?

OP posts:
Original poster
tinkersmelly · 03/08/2012 00:56

I have just realised in all my slating of her posting everything up on face book I have probably been a thousand times worse posting things on here - oops.

Iva I have more than learned my lesson. Whereas I would never undermine my ex or anyone he chooses to be with I won't be quite so accommodating again. We have agreed on an at least 6 month rule so this should maybe weed out the weirdos??? I know I will struggle with what to say to my kids, hopefully its not something I will have to really deal with again though.

I don't think she will be back on my case again, she is texting my ex all the time now in her wonderful text speak (at least I think its text speak, it may be that all the vowels and the letter s have simply fallen off her phone) so I'll stay out of it and leave them to it.

OP posts:
tiddlypool · 03/08/2012 01:25

I know I'm probably the only person in the world on MN who thinks this, but I think you should consider getting back with him. You still love him and he's going to be in your life for a long time because of your kids. Might as well be under your roof so you don't have to go through this situation again with his next girlfiend and wannabe step mum. You won't have to spend Christmas and birthdays apart from your kids whilst they are with him and his future GF or wife. And you still love him.

GlassofRose · 03/08/2012 01:42

What a troll that teenybopper is. Well done for being so strong OP, it's admirable.

Fingers crossed he doesn't take her back for your children's sake

GotMyLittleLamb · 03/08/2012 04:19

tinker I've just read this from beginning to end and have nothing to add except that I think your incredible. I have nothing of this magnitude to deal with but if I ever did, I hope I could deal with it in half as dignified a manner as you have. Enjoy your drinks and boogie, sounds like you really deserve them!!

iscream · 03/08/2012 04:22

No, you have not been a thousand times worse. You are not the one who committed adultery, or had sex with a married man who has five children. You did not send rude messages or insults to her. You reached out for advise, not naming names or anything, nothing wrong with that.
You have behaved with dignity and class...well done.

Pastabee · 03/08/2012 06:47

Well done tinker. You are amazing. Have some Thanks

Uppermid · 03/08/2012 07:53

You have not been worse. Whilst you have out some details on here, I have no idea who you are, who she is, which part of the country you live in. You have not openly threatened her or made a total dick of yourself. You haven't help to destroy a marriage and family.

What you have done is remained dignified and sought some help and advice.

Uppermid · 03/08/2012 07:55

Oops posted too soon!

.... Help and advice on how to deal with a potentially explosive situation that would have upset your children. You have nothing to feel bad about.

Limelight · 03/08/2012 08:15

Just read the whole thread...

And the gold medal for restraint and dignity in the face of adversity goes to Tinker! Hurrah!

OW was unfortunately disqualified for not being able to spell...

MissPants · 03/08/2012 08:16

You wonder woman you! I love when wankers see the light Grin
If you do decide to take him back make sure it's on your terms, and remember you would be no less strong for doing it. You're Fab either way!

StealthPolarBear · 03/08/2012 10:27

Presumably she on fb with her actual name? I don't know you at all.
Well done and I'm glad your ex has come to his senses.

AlbertoFrog · 03/08/2012 10:47

Wow. No wonder your ex wants you back.

You are an amazingly strong and dignified woman and I wish you every luck in the future whatever you decide to do.

Thanks
MadamFolly · 03/08/2012 11:30

Wow, only just seen this thread and have been Sad then Shock then Angry then Grin

It has been most exciting.

Well done OP, best outcome from this situation I think and you have emerged not only with the victory but with the moral high ground as well.

SoDesperate · 03/08/2012 12:14

It is really great when things turn out so well in the end :)

I wish for all of us, that we get to our own 'happy endings' sooner rather than later.

OP you handled that beautifully, I wish you well :) Brew or Wine :)

Spuddybean · 03/08/2012 13:14

I just love threads like this! Well done OP. I hope you are treating yourself to something lovely this weekend.

I feel great on your behalf. As my dad would say 'you played a blinder' :)

Original poster
tinkersmelly · 03/08/2012 13:18

Wow thank you everyone, how lovely of you all, I honestly can't express my gratitude to you all for your support.

Tiddly I have considered getting back with him for all the reasons you stated but even yesterday I was curious every time his phone buzzed, I would never be able to trust him again. I know I would end up checking his phone or questioning when he goes out if he comes in late and I don't want to be that person. If it was one night then maybe, but after I found out about them (which is a whole different story) I checked phone bills and his credit card bills and it seems to have been going on for about 7 months at least.

Still no contact from her so I think she got a fright yesterday and I've asked my chums to just not tell me about anything to do with FB I'm not on it and so long as she doesn't post pictures of my children again I don't really care what she says.

He is coming to pick the munchkins up soon, I have a gorgeous new pair of shoes and I'm away out on the razzle later. Can't wait.

OP posts:
tiddlypool · 03/08/2012 13:22

I understand, tinker. Best of luck with your new life Smile

Spuddybean · 03/08/2012 13:23

It sounds like you are brimming with confidence and oozing gorgeousness so with that and the new shoes i predict you will be beating them off with a stick!

Have fun - you deserve it.

sunshinesparkles · 03/08/2012 13:29

YANBU one bit!!

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 03/08/2012 13:35

Have a good night. You sound very sensible not getting back with him but it must be tempting. You deserve better though.

50shadesofslapntickle · 13/08/2012 20:02

Any update op?

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler · 13/08/2012 21:35

Have a fab time. Hope you pull a toyboy! Wink

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler · 13/08/2012 21:36

Sorry, pulled a toyboy.

Aeryn · 13/08/2012 21:43

I don't know how your ex isn't creeped out by how intense she's being over the kids, Anyone with half a grain of sense would caution a new flame about getting too familiar right away until they've been together long enough to reasonably be sure it's a lifetime thing.

YADNBU!

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 13/08/2012 21:46

I'm so glad this thread has been bumped.

I just love a happy ending Grin

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