Am I just jealous?

[tinkersmelly]

My ex's girlfriend keeps calling our children her step children. As far as I am concerned she is dating him but my our children are nothing really to do with her yet as they have only been together 5 months.

They actually had an affair when my ex and I were married (and I was pregnant) and now, a year later, they are back together again. I will admit I am jealous of their relationship as I am nowhere near ready to move on yet.

I took our children to meet her as she will be in their lives to some extent, and she patted them on the head and introduced herself as their stepmum. I corrected her right away (they aren't even engaged let alone married) She also posts pictures on facebook of them in an album entitled 'My Family'. Which annoys me because they aren't her family, and she shouldn't be posting pictures of my children. I have asked my ex to have a word, but he sees it as harmless and doesn't want to cause friction.

Does anyone have any experience of this? AIBU to not want my children to call someone stepmum after 5 months?

I have taken the chickens way out and texted her exactly what Porca wrote.

I'll let you know when I receive a reply.

In all fairness I am jealous, I hate her for what she has done, I hate him for what he has done and I would be quite happy if the pair of them just crawled back under their rocks and stayed there forever. Through all his faults he is a good Dad though and I would never want his relationship with the kids to change which is why I am biting my tongue so hard.

Well done op. you are being really really reasonable and all of your points are totally valid.

My hat is off to you OP, you are handling this very reasonably.

I would just like to say though, as a DW to a man with DCs from a previous marriage, it is very very difficult to handle the situation the girlfriend is in.

When we are out together, strangers make an assumption that I am the DC's mother. If I smile and nod, then I feel like I am assuming the role that rightly belongs to their mum, but if I put the stranger right and say 'actually they're not my DC's', I feel like I'm insulting the DCs IYSWIM.

This woman is young and almost certainly lacks the necessary tools to handle this well. As a pp said, when she is a bit older and has DC of her own she might feel differently. Perhaps giving herself the label of 'stepmother' helps her to manage the situation? (albeit crudely)

Could you find a bit of pity for her from somewhere OP? You sound emotionally intelligent enough to do so and the knowlegde that the moral high ground is yours will probably make you feel better

YANBU, I'm a stepmum, she's a silly little twat.
My god, I have spent the last 8 years walking on egg shells trying to never step on my DSS's mums toes, overstep the mark, interfere in her and my DH's co-parenting relationship etc..
I'm sure I'm not perfect but how that girl can be so brazen astounds me!! I think my DH's ex would've had a full on shit fit if I'd tried anything similar.

I really hope she's a bit naive rather than doing this maliciously.

FWIW, as a stepmum, it really doesn't matter what your kids call her, you are their mum and they will never feel that way about her, I guarantee it.

Forgot to say, OP, one of my favourite sayings is that when another woman steals your man, the best revenge is to let her have him...give it time and karma should sort this one out.

Ok I messaged this girl this - Given that you got together with *** when I was pregnant, and are not married, I would prefer it if you didn't refer to my children as your stepchildren. I also find it extremely insensitive when you post pictures on facebook of my kids. We all need to get along for their sakes. When you are older you might understand why I feel this way. Can you just humour me, and meet my request please?

She replied - You 2faced jealous fkin cow. I am fkin part of their lives coz me and *** are fkin in love and I'll call them wot I want and do wot I want. We r gonna get married nd have bbyz and u will be sad and alone 4eva lol. C u on friday me nd MY FAMILY are gonna hv an amazin wkend while u sit nd cry in yr tv dinner 4 1 hahaha.

WOW - I may need aday or two and a valium or two to simmer down from that. Beginning to think I should have just left it. I guess I will have an awkward call to make to my ex later on.

Really good posts from Cake and EMS.

Fucking hell, tinkers. and
She's just confirmed that she's childish and totally insecure.
Don't delete your text or hers - just in case this escalates.
That said, her childishness really isn't your problem.

yanbu! If her affair with your ex is what broke you up no wonder you don't feel like sharing your children with her! She sounds like an idiot.

What if she remains in your EX-Ps life but they never actually marry?

At what point does she assume the tile of 'step mother'? Are they cohabiting?

Ok, now I retract my fairly reasonable advice posted previously!!

What a childish bitch. I do hope you will show your ExH this, I doubt it is something he would approve of her sending you.

I now have no idea what to do or say. My instinct would be scratch her fucking eyes out!! Don't do that though!!

SORRY - disregard my last post - the page hadn't flipped over.

just pray she doesnt ever help them with any literacy homework

Oh my GOD. I'm fuming on your behalf.

If I received an email like that from anyone my children would not be in their company at all. Sorry. Tell their dad to arrange to see them on his own.

Good god, what a reply. The text speak just shows how silly and immature she is.

Best to leave it I think. Keep the texts, both what you sent plus her reply so she can't tell your ex lies about what has been said but you don't need to deal with her anymore. You've tried and all credit to you for that but last thing you need now is to get dragged into a tit for tat text war.

You're the bigger person here, you're being remarkably calm in the face of serious provocation.

Urgh, what a horrid little cow!

Yes I agree save it but don't answer. She sounds like she has lost her temper and it will just escalate.

And there is only so much shit teenage text speak you should be subjected to in one day.

OMFG

How dare she jeer at you????????

I would not allow anyone who has such blatant disregard for me as DC's mother to spend time with them, I think she could be dangerous with that nasty attitude. Maybe let your ex know when is good for him to visit?

I am livid for you!

Oh and you could help your DC buy her a dictionary at Christmas time

Omg ! Cudnt u jus slap her ! Sounds to me like she is the jelous one !

I can kinda see her head rocking from side to side as she sed that lol

God what a TWAT! I've only just read this but I would have guessed that or similar would be her response.

Unfortunately I do not think you will get anything out of this until she grows up a bit. Maintaining a dignified silence with her is the only way now. Icily polite.

"fkin in love" I'm speechless!!!

I would ask, no tell, your ex that he is to see them on his own.

Oh and I wouldn't have her in the house at pick up time. Tell your useless ex to keep her away from you.