Am I just jealous?

[tinkersmelly]

My ex's girlfriend keeps calling our children her step children. As far as I am concerned she is dating him but my our children are nothing really to do with her yet as they have only been together 5 months.

They actually had an affair when my ex and I were married (and I was pregnant) and now, a year later, they are back together again. I will admit I am jealous of their relationship as I am nowhere near ready to move on yet.

I took our children to meet her as she will be in their lives to some extent, and she patted them on the head and introduced herself as their stepmum. I corrected her right away (they aren't even engaged let alone married) She also posts pictures on facebook of them in an album entitled 'My Family'. Which annoys me because they aren't her family, and she shouldn't be posting pictures of my children. I have asked my ex to have a word, but he sees it as harmless and doesn't want to cause friction.

Does anyone have any experience of this? AIBU to not want my children to call someone stepmum after 5 months?

actually (sorry), now I see the age gap, I feel sorry for her to a degree, I wonder if her childishness (and therefore vunerability) is what has attracted him.

I know it legal but ..

Doesnt lessen my disgust at her and his treatment of you.

I can see things from her point, he and I will always have our children in common and will always need to be in some form of contact, we had 15 years of a life together and were man and wife and I still have my married name. She has nothing really apart from the title of girlfriend so she is trying to force her way into a role that is not yet there for her.

I am 34 now and married him when I was just turned 19 so I guess I maybe should have seen it coming really.

A 14 year age gap is big enough, but 26 years is a whole generation, and very unlikely to last. I know there will be people who have had such a big gap and had a successful relationship, but it is an exception to the norm.

In ten years time, he will be nearly a pensioner, she will still be a fairly young woman. He has young children who will need his care and attention for many years yet, and then there will be grandchildren.

She wont be his first wife, she wont be the first mother to his child.. she wont really be the first anything..

Ok, I have another plan... get yourself out there, and find a really good looking bloke, let her get on with having the ageing twit, and make some comments on FB about not needing the supply of Viagra anymore...

my partners.children call me stepmum and my children stepbrothers at school because they say it's too embarrassing to say "dads girlfriend/partner or dads girlfriend/partners son. They are teens though. I know it's hard but try to see it as just a name they have for her.

Squeaky you are an evil genius haha. I don't have the time nor the inclination for another man, I was young gorgeous and skinny the last time I started a relationship, now I'm getting on a bit, have wobbly bits and am a single mum of 5 haha. I could maybe rope a friend into pretending for a while though lol. I may well set up a facebook and request her as a friend to keep an eye on her if nothing else.

Shifting, at what point did they call you stepmum if you don't mind me asking.

To be totally honest I don't think I will ever be ok with it, but really I do think 5 months is too soon.

Tinker, it started after a year when we moved in together and my children started going to the same school as his. My sons also call him step dad and his kids stepbrother/sister, particularly when at school, my eldest says its saves having to explain the relationship. They never actually call us that at home though iyswim, they ise my first name, which is why I think it is just terminology when referring to me in front of others.

If you don't like it, keep correcting your children, every time try say stepmum say that SW isn't their stepmum, she is .

Aaargh bloody iPhone lol

If you don't like it, keep correcting your children, every time they say stepmum say that she isn't their stepmum, she is

I read ur post shifting & was trying to think of suitable things SW meant. I only manage psycho witch (although technically its not an S). Suits the OW though

No wonder you dont want him back, sorry he sounds like a creepy old man who likes em young.

If he had an ounce of dignity or any moral
Fibre he would tell her never to do that again.

I would Be horrified if my daughter were involved with a man so much older than her. Has he form for cheating?

sweet jesus!!! i cannot beleive she texted that, shit I feel really awful now OP

WHAT A COMPLETE AND UTTER CUNT SHE IS

Please save that text, somehow, someway

Look I am wary to give any advice now, but IF it was me I would be getting legal medieval advice

agree with others that someone who speaks to you in such an inappriate manner does not deserve to be around your beloved babies

Oh babe, karma is a bitch and I do beleive that what goes around comes around

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

just re-read, good you are discussing with EX

and agree, you need him on side (even if he shat all over you) for the kids

just assert your rights and respect that skank-bitch is kept away from children untl she learns to behave in a more adult manner

get your mates to take screen shopts of facebook too

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jeez, I certainly wouldn't feel jealous of her, a 22 year old stuck with an old 48 year old with 5 children who would leave her in a second if his wife would take him back. Not exactly catch of the century! Is he v rich or something?

I've just read this through and I'm appalled. You poor woman. She is bonkers and as another wife and mother I completely understand why you are so hurt after everything you have been through and now having to read texts like that.

Your ex deserves no praise in any of this but at least he sees your point and was shocked by her text. She had revealed her personality to him now so well done for raising it with him.

I think it shows she is not respectful of your feelings and that she is a dick!

Yanbu, but maybe grin and bear it.

Just side with the kids, if they are happy to call her stepmum, let them get on with it. If they find it cringey, tell them they can call her what they like.

They are likely to be too old to be taken in so easily.

Hope your ex is paying you good amount of support btw.

Well done for acting like a grown up. She will look back on this and cringe. Glad your ex seems to be reasonable, sounds like the novelty of having an almost-teenager in his bed is wearing off and he's getting a bit sick of effectively parenting a teenager :o
I wonder what her parents would think of her message to you?

Porca don't feel bad, your advice was good advice, there is no way anyone could have predicted that stupid response.

I have no idea what her parents think, in all honesty I wouldn't be happy if my 22 year old daughter walked in with a 48 year old dad of 5 as her new boyfriend.

He isn't rich, he isn't even particularly handsome. I am struggling to see why I spent 15 years with such a spineless tosser tbh. I have my 5 gorgeous kids though so I can't regret it.

After waking up to 23 messages of such highbrow content as 'slag' and 'whore' I called my solicitor this morning who advised me to make a report of this to the police and then if needed they can issue a harrassment order which stipulates she has to stay away from myself and my children as there is really no legal way he can enforce her having no contact without insisting my ex has supervised visits.

I called him before I did this (I am waiting for the community police officer just now) and told him and he says he is going to finish it with her now. Whether he does or not remains to be seen. I need to have a serious talk about him bringing women into our childrens lives though he cant do this every time he has a new fling. I'm wondering if there should be maybe a 6 month rule or something.

I guess my original question is no longer valid anymore, but I am struggling to see why I am a slag for being cheated on by my husband of 15 years.

Oh my gosh! well good for you, she will fucking SHIT herself when police approach her.

Her behaviour is unacceptable and I am SO IMPRESSED you are not taking it, and are involving the law

GOOD FOR YOU

in wierd was your message and subsequent issues has raised the agenda on this, in that (a) ex has seen a new light and (b) you have shown her you will not be fucked with

save messages, save screen prints and well donew you for standing up for yourself

she is a fucking twat isn't she eh, and a jealous one too

Last night I did actually regret texting her, but now I look back everything was only fine and rosy because I was being such a pushover and thats really no way to live.

I was more mature than that girl when I was in nappies. And what he sees in her (aside fom the obvious) is beyond me.

I have a bit of a swagger about me this morning knowing that I must still have 'it' to some degree if a 22 year old is jealous of me though haha. (Please no-one burst my bubble).

Bloody hell. She will cringe when she is older grown up and realises what a bitch she has been. I would forward the texts to your EX and say something along the lines of:

'I made a reasonable request from your GF (see attached) to please be a little more respectful and this is her response.' Based on this, I will not be granting access on Friday and I will be taking advice as I would prefer that you see our children in a contact centre without her until this can be resolved. I am sure you can see that given her stance on this I have concerns that she doesn't have our children's best interests at heart, but sees them as pieces in a little game of one-upmanship. Until now, I have been calm and respectful, in spite of everything that has happened. However, as she is unable to behave like a reasonable adult, I would prefer to sort things out to ensure that our children's emotional wellbeing is put first and I now believe that she should not have access to them with her current state of mind.

Oops, sorry, I was so mad on your behalf after reading the texts from her, that I didn't read the rest. I'm glad your EX has seen the light and I hope the smug little madam gets her just desserts. Make sure your friend takes screen shots of all the talk, rather than printing them out. If you google it is easy to do.

I hope she pisses her pants when the police get in touch, but tbh I ssuspect that she will love all the drama and the 'look what the cah did to me now' stuff will be all over FB. I would also ask the police (or FB) to ensure that the photos of your kids are removed from her profile on the grounds that she and EX are no longer together and she doesn't have any relationship to the kids.

FWIW, if Ex does finish with her, I'd be sorely tempted to wait a while then sign her up for a literacy course. and I thoroughly agree that you need to work out a rule with your DH that new partners are not introduced to the kids for a while. You don't want a series of 'aunties' coming in and out of their lives.

23 text messages?? she has some serious issues, well done on contacting police

She is really really jealous and insecure. Good for you and I hope your ex does finish with her, your DC do not need her in their life, as their "stepmummy" or otherwise

Just read the whole thread. Wow tinker You are brilliant!! Don't regret sending that original text for one moment, because you forced her to show her true self. I hope your ex thinks twice next time he's choosing a partner.

Well done on being just so brilliant I could kiss you :o