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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I just jealous?

231 replies

tinkersmelly · 01/08/2012 16:53

My ex's girlfriend keeps calling our children her step children. As far as I am concerned she is dating him but my our children are nothing really to do with her yet as they have only been together 5 months.

They actually had an affair when my ex and I were married (and I was pregnant) and now, a year later, they are back together again. I will admit I am jealous of their relationship as I am nowhere near ready to move on yet.

I took our children to meet her as she will be in their lives to some extent, and she patted them on the head and introduced herself as their stepmum. I corrected her right away (they aren't even engaged let alone married) She also posts pictures on facebook of them in an album entitled 'My Family'. Which annoys me because they aren't her family, and she shouldn't be posting pictures of my children. I have asked my ex to have a word, but he sees it as harmless and doesn't want to cause friction.

Does anyone have any experience of this? AIBU to not want my children to call someone stepmum after 5 months?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 01/08/2012 21:00

It does seem odd that your kids have asked several times what you think of her. Maybe you should dig a little deeper next time, could it be they are trying to see how receptive you would be to hearing what they really think of her?
Maybe you jollying them along with a hearty "oh, she seems very nice" is actually putting them off being honest with you. They may well have seen through her themselves, kids can be amazingly perceptive.

PorkyandBess · 01/08/2012 21:00

On FB!

Your ex is a twat of the highest order to reproduce with this skank.

tittytittyhanghang · 01/08/2012 21:13

You should not have sent her that text, that was very foolish imo. Her reply was outright nasty but im not surprised. Unless she is a danger to your dc then I don't think theres much you can do, when your ex has them, its up to him who he has around them. Unless you are on good terms with yours ex's new partner, then all communication should be via your ex.

Sighingagain · 01/08/2012 21:21

tinks - it's really, really corny - but this has helped me so much in dealing with a massively difficult situation I'm in.

Contact centres etc - that's not really viable - she isnt a danger to them, she is just a total bitch.

Hope your conversation with ex is going well.

squeakytoy · 01/08/2012 21:40

It is probably better that this exchange is in "writing" ie text. Because it cant be denied now.

Do you have a good relationship with his parents at all OP? Because if you do, I would be very tempted to subtly make sure his mother sees the sort of cow he is shacked up with.

StuntGirl · 01/08/2012 21:43

Wow tinker she sounds awful. You on the other hand have the patience of a saint!

Personally I wouldn't have sent the text because I think tone and intention frequently get lost in text, but what's done is done. You've been nothing but civilised so far but I would definitely cool the friendly cover up, minimise all your contact with her and be civil and nothing more if you do see her.

I hope your ex sees your point of view over this and you can work out a good solution together.

Bongaloo · 01/08/2012 21:58

Good response from MissPants - I hope you're around if I ever need help to express something.

FatimaLovesBread · 01/08/2012 22:00

If you can, get your friend to take a screen shot of her FB.

I hate people who put all their disagreements on FB, especially ones that involve children.

She is an idiot

LordOfThe5Rings · 01/08/2012 22:05

Please get back to us and let us know what your exH has said and what he intends to do about it, if anything.

What a vile little cow. She is just wanting attention. Probably sees your ex as a sugar daddy who can give her what she wants and she gives him what he wants if you catch my drift. She wants to have 'your family' as hers now, to take everything away from you.

She is not worth worrying about, OP.

She is shit on the shoe, really. She's not worth your worry, because she's only trying to provoke you. She's not a real woman.

LordOfThe5Rings · 01/08/2012 22:06

I agree Fatima.

I have had friends annoyed with me and post my name on facebook... my friends mother wrote about me on her facebook [nutty bat] it was ridiculous.

I've seen it happen loads of times with others, too.

Don't air dirty knickers, please!

Original poster
tinkersmelly · 01/08/2012 22:16

Thank you sighing, thats a great way to look at life and makes an awful lot of sense.

I totally agree I shouldn't have sent the message, for some reason I thought the fact she was upsetting me would maybe bring out some compassion in her, clearly I was confusing her with someone who has a few morals.

I never really thought about why my kids were asking my opinion of her actually, I was too busy putting on a brave face and trying to sound normal about the situation, but if it arises again I will question further.

Anyway he came over, looked at the message I sent and her reply, then checked on FB to see what had been written (apparently it was something along the lines of me being a totally unreasonable bitch and not accepting that she is part of this family whether I like it or not followed by about 30 messages about how lovely she is and a wonderful step mum etc). We had a bit of a heart to heart and I explained to him how I feel about everything and it seems he sees my point (finally, as this isn't the 1st time I have mentioned it) I have asked him to see the kids here this weekend until the situation calms down and not to take her over anymore, to which he replied that she 'won't allow that to happen' because she thinks he and I will have an affair which was apparent by the endless calls and texts he got while he was here. It seems she is probably just an insecure little madam. He is apparently going to tell her he needs a bit of thinking space now as he thinks it may be too much too soon with her.

I can't help feeling a little bit smug that she was with him knowing full well he was married and now doesn't trust him, and that he seems positively miserable and under the thumb, harsh I know, but true.

OP posts:
MrsMangoBiscuit · 01/08/2012 22:17

Shock What a horrid little brat she is! I take my hat off to you Tink, I really do. You sound like such a fab mum to have such self control all for the sake of your children. Stay strong.

perceptionreality · 01/08/2012 22:19

yep, clearly she's the jealous one and is projecting that onto you.

perceptionreality · 01/08/2012 22:20

Nobody could blame you for feeling that way tbh!

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 01/08/2012 22:22

Shes shit herself in the foot then!

Maybe it's just as well you sent the text as now it's all in the open. You know what she is like and her attitude and you can act accordingly.

Glad your ex could see, she's going to be gutted when he has a word and it serves the nasty girl right.

LordOfThe5Rings · 01/08/2012 22:22

What comes around, goes around...

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 01/08/2012 22:22

Shot! Shot in the foot not shit on her foot!!

Uppermid · 01/08/2012 22:23

Tinkers you have remained totally dignified throughout, hopefully he's seen her for the silly little immature girl she is.

LordOfThe5Rings · 01/08/2012 22:26

If all else fails, do what Pickles suggested! Grin

Floggingmolly · 01/08/2012 22:28

Well, let's hope so, because him needing thinking space while also refusing to see his kids alone because "she won't let that happen" don't jibe very well Sad
Hope I'm wrong.

ScrambledSmegs · 01/08/2012 22:29

She's very young for her age, isn't she? And deeply insecure. To be honest, she's right not to trust him - once a cheater etc...

Don't blame you for feeling smug. Karma, innit Wink

ethelb · 01/08/2012 22:29

I don't think your dp can not agree to see the children at your house this weekend due to her insecurity. That can't be allowed to control anything.

ScrambledSmegs · 01/08/2012 22:31

Oh yes - 'she won't allow that to happen'? Really? THEY AREN'T HER CHILDREN. She has no right to force her presence on him or them (and you!) if he doesn't want it.

He sounds rather weak and spineless actually.

Sighingagain · 01/08/2012 22:31

He sounds like he is having a mid life crisis and he is going to regret this very soon - I predict an "accident".

Re the link - it has genuinely helped me - I hope it works for you xx

50shadesofslapntickle · 01/08/2012 22:48

So, what are you going to do? You must keep this vile little skank away from your children. She is BAD for them. Tell your spineless ex that tough if she doesn't like it, she doesnt get to say what happens - especially as she is posting abusive messages about you online.
Can you contact the police about her abusive online comments about you? You need to FIGHT her op -use these things against her. It's good you texted her as now you have proof that she is a vile little bitch.

Do you want your ex back? Is there anything between you still? if there is...maybe you can lure him into bed...