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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

694 replies

binrel · 30/07/2012 20:42

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/07/2012 22:55

You need to pack up his clothes for him and have it ready and waiting by the front door for when he turns up.

I really don't think you can let him anywhere near your brother when he's going to be feeling so vulnerable.

Noqontrol · 30/07/2012 22:57

So boney, i understand that your experience in life may have been difficult, but, do you think this 19 yr old man has given the ops (older husband) a life time of difficulty and goading? I would assume they haven't actually been brought up together and have a life time of angst to deal with?

wertou · 30/07/2012 22:57

Why did the brother think it was a good idea to goad and humiliate an already irritated man in front of his wife and kids? Sounds like the brother was pouring fuel onto the fire and has got burnt.

Noqontrol · 30/07/2012 22:59

Too sad that a minority (fortunately) of people think that violence is the answer. Rather than being the bigger person and walking away.

tiggytape · 30/07/2012 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nutellaontoast · 30/07/2012 23:03

My husband's brother lamped him for "looking at him the wrong way" after he (the brother) had assaulted their father and they'd dragged him off him. I suppose he deserved it too?

Get a fucking grip people.

PooPooInMyToes · 30/07/2012 23:07

Jesus!

Is this really the first time he's done something like this? How long have you been together?

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/07/2012 23:09

Noqontrol

The DB may not have had a chance to give a life time of goading to the DH but not knowing anything of the DH's background it would be difficult to say what huis response could be.

The OP doesn't know what has gone on when she has not been in the room, from her discription of the DB he is the chosen one, youngest, babied and behaviour excused.

To say that the person being goaded should walk away is correct but when the person that walks away comes back with a knife the consequences will be much worse. (remember the DB works in a pub)

Although Violence isn't the answer maybe the DB has learnt something from this.

oliup · 30/07/2012 23:12

Why are people trying to excuse thuggery because that is what it was and it has left the boy with a serious injury.

I find any suggestion that he may have deserved it in any way absolutely repulsive.

TheHappyHissy · 30/07/2012 23:13

"Although Violence isn't the answer maybe the DB has learnt something from this."

I rather hope the 'D'H learns a shit load more... Angry

PooPooInMyToes · 30/07/2012 23:14

Who came back with a knife? Confused

What's the pub got to do with it.

I would imagine that the brother has learnt something from this yes, probably that his brotherinlaw is a violent psycho who should be avoided. He may also long term, learn that he will never be able to run a marathon etc. Who knows how or if it will heal. But at least he learnt an important lesson about playing harmless games of football with violent idiots. Important life skill that Hmm

Socknickingpixie · 30/07/2012 23:16

boney where on earth did you get that from? all we know from the op is SHE loves him and so do her children. how does that equate to being the chosen one, babied or behaviour excused??????

Socknickingpixie · 30/07/2012 23:18

and whats anybody working in a pub got to do with anything?

PooPooInMyToes · 30/07/2012 23:19

I find any suggestion that he may have deserved it in any way absolutely repulsive.

Me too!

I can just imagine how the reactions would be different if it was his wifes leg he'd jumped on! Just because he's a young man who was apparently being slightly annoying doesn't mean he deserves to be so horribly injured in a way which could in theory affect him for the rest of his life.

Some weird people on this thread with fucked up opinions.

pictish · 30/07/2012 23:21

Stop fighting amongst yourselves. How is any of this helping the OP?

PooPooInMyToes · 30/07/2012 23:21

and whats anybody working in a pub got to do with anything?

Er . . . people who work in pubs deserve their legs stamped on?

Have access to knives? Confused

oliup · 30/07/2012 23:22

I can just imagine how the reactions would be different if it was his wifes leg he'd jumped on! Just because he's a young man who was apparently being slightly annoying doesn't mean he deserves to be so horribly injured in a way which could in theory affect him for the rest of his life.

Couldn't agree more, I have no doubt that I annoy DH on a fairly regular basis does that mean he should cause me potentially permanent injury because according to some on this thread he would be totally justified.

tiggytape · 30/07/2012 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oliup · 30/07/2012 23:26

Flicking through the thread it seems the brother works (or worked because of his BiL) in a bar so that explains the pub reference.

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/07/2012 23:27

poopoo

stop twisting the post that I wrote

I did write a post to explain but it has disapeared, So I have decided to leave you all to it.

OP, I hope that this gets sorted in the way that you want it too.

Noqontrol · 30/07/2012 23:28

Oh boney listen, you have clearly have come from a world thats not great to say the least. But please, these two men are adults, you must appreciate that this is not good, regardless of how much goading may or may not have gone on in back rooms

Shullbit · 30/07/2012 23:37

The husband is definitely in the wrong here.

My initial thought though, with the OP saying how this is out of character, and with him coming home early, whether he was under a load of stress IE been sacked/laid off. Something is obviously bothering him, and before I would even contemplate where our relationship goes, I would want to know what it was and make sure he was getting help to sort whatever problem it is so I wouldn't feel like I was having to walk on eggshells and waiting for him to lose it again.

Serious grovelling would be needed too.

And even then, I'm not sure if I could forget or forgive. I can completely understand how you feel and don't blame you at all for questioning everything.

Hope you, the children and your DB are OK.

thebody · 30/07/2012 23:40

No excuse for violence at all here. Dh totally wrong.

piop · 30/07/2012 23:44

YANBU next time it could be you or even worse the dds

Olympia2012 · 30/07/2012 23:47

Op... Has he been and collected his clothes yet?