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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

694 replies

binrel · 30/07/2012 20:42

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

OP posts:
oliup · 30/07/2012 23:47

Never mind next time, what about this time. He has left the brother with a potentially serious injury that may never fully heal.

Original poster
binrel · 30/07/2012 23:49

Yes he's just been and I've told him the prognosis and he did seem shocked at the level of injury caused.

OP posts:
Shullbit · 30/07/2012 23:51

What did he have to say for himself?

Socknickingpixie · 30/07/2012 23:52

if hugh grant for that read dog the bounty hunter because thats who i really fancy but dont really want anybody knowing whom i think is mr wonderful knocked my door tomorrow asked me to marry him then some time later did this to anybody infront of dc's he would cease to be mr wonderful,i would think i had clearly made an error when i decided he was

Socknickingpixie · 30/07/2012 23:53

so he seamed shocked and thats all?

Noqontrol · 30/07/2012 23:54

I like hugh grant dog too sock but if he did that, well, its a hard one to come to terms with.

Original poster
binrel · 30/07/2012 23:56

Yeah we didn't talk for longer than 2-3 minutes

OP posts:
futureunknown · 30/07/2012 23:59

DH was totally in the wrong. He couldn't cope with a teenager beating him but wanted to take him down a peg or two. He has shown he has a very nasty side. Sorry OP but I would be very wary in the future. This man is controlling but immature, he feels threatened by a teenager and wants to assert his place in the hierarchy.

SDTGisAnOlympicWolefGenius · 31/07/2012 00:03

Socknickingpixie - I've read through the thread, and can't see where BoneyBack has found any reference by the OP to the brother being a spoiled, indulged, golden child.

inabeautifulplace · 31/07/2012 00:11

OK, I'm going to come at this at a more technical level OP. How much football has your partner played OP? When you say he was deliberately trying to hurt your brother, do you think he'd know the difference between an agressive sliding tackle and one designed to injure? Would you? I do think there's a chance he wasn't trying to injure your brother. His behaviour in the coming days will tell you that. I would say that a tackle where neither foot or any other part of the body touches the ground before striking the other player would be deliberate assault. Was it like that?

Noqontrol · 31/07/2012 00:16

inabeautifulplace the dh called him a twat before storming off. Can you explain why that was too then please?

inabeautifulplace · 31/07/2012 01:18

Because he was angry and had acted like an idiot? Plenty of people do act like that when they're in the wrong. All I was trying to do was clarify what the OP saw.

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 31/07/2012 01:32

I annoyed a man once. He made a comment about people with cancer. I picked and picked at it. I suppose I was "goading" him.

He smashed me over the knees with a bocken (sp? Its a thick wooden sword shaped ornament, and hurts like fuck) after a few minutes.

Did I deserve that? I was 17. Should I have "learnt something?".

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 31/07/2012 01:42

OP - I do hope he didn't realise exactly what hed done at the time then, hence driving off/attitude on the phone.

He's still totally in the wrong but I think more forgivable. If it were my OH he would have to really show it though, and make a big fucking effort to make it up to my brother.

When I was about 16 my Dad and I were arguing and he grabbed my wrist, my wrists are terribly weak and I shouted in pain and told him it was going to break, he thought I was being silly (to be fair, I was a melodramatic brat at times) and didn't realise how badly hed hurt me, I walked off and went to the hospital and my Dad cried when I came back as he genuinely didn't realise what hed done.

inabeautifulplace · 31/07/2012 02:11

You would appear to have learnt that goading someone with a weapon is dangerous. A valuable lesson ;)

Spuddybean · 31/07/2012 05:40

Oh dear, just read the thread. Poor you OP.

I agree with those who say this is not your DB's 'fault'. I think people on the whole are not used to violence like this, so because they are finding it hard to believe are trying to justify, reason with and explain it.

However, i personally have seen people behave disproportionately like this and it is shocking. At first you do try to explore what the person could have done to provoke that attack, as rational people don't just flip like that - and no one wants to believe that their partner/loved one is not rational.

The other day during a quite normal Sunday afternoon drink in the pub with friends, someone said something which wound my dad up (nothing out of the ordinary - normal pub banter which dad usually joins in with) my dad picked up his pint and threw it in my mums face and stormed out. Not the same as physical harm in this case, but a totally disproportionate response, because he was in a bad mood. Just not acceptable or justifiable.

From what i have seen of football banter, your brother was just saying exactly what everyone i know would regard as playing. I wouldn't even call it goading tbh.

Hesterton · 31/07/2012 07:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChasedByBees · 31/07/2012 07:43

What do you want to happen here OP? I would also be seriously considering the future of my marriage in these circumstances. :(

PooPooInMyToes · 31/07/2012 08:14

Gosh spuddy! That's awful!

Aftereightsaremine · 31/07/2012 08:22

How are you & your brother this morning op?

littlebluechair · 31/07/2012 08:24

How's things this morning OP? Been wondering how your brother is feeling, how your children are, how you are. Hope you all slept at least.

onetiredmummy · 31/07/2012 08:30

Also wondering :)

LurcioLovesFrankie · 31/07/2012 08:42

Binrel, so sorry to hear about this - what your DH has done is totally beyond the pale.

To those saying DB shouldn't have wound him up, consider the following. I've played a lot of Sunday league women's football and mixed 5-a-side. Winding someone up is part of the game, and both men involved will have been used to this since their childhood. Sometimes it's done in a light hearted way (as I guess this will have been), occasionally it's done in the context of a game to deliberately wind someone up in the hope that they'll retaliate and get sent off. It's never done with the intention of provoking a "hospital tackle", which this clearly was. Going in 2 footed (your description is v. clear on this, Binrel) is against the rules and is an instant red card, if done off teh ball and with intent is a several match ban. In some cases where there was clear premeditated intent to cause a career-threatening injury to another player in this way, the police have been involved and prosectutions brought, even in the professional game (though of course in those circs there's loads of video evidence to show exactly what went on and the build up to it, so prosecution is perhaps easier). If Binrel told a group of blokes down the pub what she's told us, I can guarantee that (lone knobber which any group includes excepted) no-one would be saying it was her DB's fault.

PooPooInMyToes · 31/07/2012 09:11

I think you are right frankie. I do though think that anyone with any sense wouldn't say it was the brothers fault, because there is very little a person can do to make themselves deserving of physical assault.

SamG76 · 31/07/2012 09:42

I'd split the fault 70DH/30DB. It's irritating to be goaded in front of one's own children. Maybe the tackle was a sort of mistimed play tackle which wasn't intended to connect. Police will have a good laugh, though will probably send someone round as it will avoid them having to deal with actual crime.....

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