to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

[binrel]

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

Binrel- you are going to be in shock from all this. It's a horrible situation for everyone- no one is going to come out of this feeling good, or that they are in the 'right'.

I don't know what to suggest but give yourself some time and space to process what's happened. Maybe ask your dh to stay away for the moment, and make it clear you won't have him back unless he's prepared to sit down and discuss what happened with you and your brother (providing brother agrees). Then maybe shorten your brothers visit. Ten days is a long time for your dh who doesn't particularly get on with him.

I don't know how this can be resolved, it is a difficult and horrible thing, but I do think first off you need time and space

ok so lets say it was just a clumsey tackle why on earth would it ever be acceptable conduct to call the other person a twat then storm off?

Agree tiggy... And previous poster why would op paint her dh in the worst possible light???

I'm not sure if he is the playful little brother who has been brutally assaulted and injured or the wind-up merchant little shit who has had something like this coming for some time.

Haven't read the whole thread but hope you and dc are ok, op. hope you have locked DH out. He sounds vile.

Hope your brother is ok,though if my OH invited her brother around for ten days, knowing full well I didn't like him, I wouldn't have hurt him, as I wouldn't have been near the house at all.

Calling the BiL a twat was probably for the winding up. Remember that DH knows nothing of what happened afterwards.

Saying that it was a deliberate assault is making assumptions about motive.

OP knows nothing of why her DH was already upset.

Was DH in a bad mood because he knew DB was going to be there? Is there any previous history between them? DB sounds an obnoxious sod if you want my opinion and if he can't stand the tackles he shouldn't play sport.

He's just phoned me, he told me he didn't want to talk about it over the phone but he's agreed to stay away tonight although he is going to come round and pick up some clothes for tomorrow. I still can't really believe what's happened to be honest.

I simply can't get my head around people here trying to excuse deliberate violence by a grown man against a 19yo.

This is outrageous! There is NO excuse for violence of any kind, let alone a clearly sick and heinous tackle manoeuvre of the kind H perpetrated. That tackle was not clumsy, it was hard and deliberate, his words and stropping off afterwards clearly prove this.

If BullyBoyH was in a bad mood, then he could have left the game surely?

Gnome, I wouldn't agree that the OP has painted the brother in the best possible light, in fact I think she's being harsh describing his behaviour as 'goading'. And she has said her DH's behaviour is out of character, despite being asked again and again about his attitude towards her and the kids.

And, please, he would have known he hurt him. Unless he's never played football before, he would have known the minute he went in for that tackle that he was going to hurt his BIL badly. And the minute he felt the leg buckle beneath him and his BIL started screaming would have been a big clue too.

What sort of mood was he in when you spoke to him?

thebody - it was the way the opening post came across to me. It sounded like descriptions of events in hindsight with the motives ascribed on the basis of outcome rather than intention.

I am not excusing the DH in any way but he is guilty of what he intended not necessarily what resulted.

I still can't believe my eyes here. Have those of you bandying around insults like 'obnoxious sod' never seen people having a kickaround before? Seriously?

OP, I feel awful for you. Try and get some rest if that's remotely possible. There's nothing you can do about this now. At least he's agreed to stay away so there won't be any more drama to deal with tonight.

does he know the damage he has caused OP? is he aware that you had to phone an ambulance for you brother and that he is going to be in recovery for months? did he apologise in any way???

he sounds a dictating twat of highest order - he shouldnt get to decide when it gets talked about and how!

i hope your brother reports him.
and i would let him get his clothes and fuck off again tbh.

I agree with the vicar.

even when i was 10 i knew that if i jumped on a persons leg and they fell down it ment they where probally injured and i should apoligise and see if they needed any help

Your husband is sounding worse now, he is not showing any remorse which is a real problem.

Actually, its better that they don't talk about it now. Emotions are running very high. Calmer heads then talk.

I agree it is probably better not to talk in depth about it now, but not to be sounding apologetic is worrying.

tiggytape
"I am trying to imagine what kind of experiences some people have where they think being a wind up merchant is reason enough for a member of your extended family to put you in hospital with a sickening and deliberate attack in front of little kids?"

Try 22 years of goading, poking fun, scape goating, golden child and emotional and physical abuse.

Quite frankly looking at my brother makes me want to alternate between throwing up and beating the tar out of him with a bat.

The bonus is that no one else can come close to getting me worked up.

But frankly the term goading should in the dictionary include harrasment and bullying.

Do you think he was jealous of the adoring attention DB's been receiving from OP and DD's? Maybe embarrassed at being seen as a loser in front of his kids? No excuse for acting like a violent tosspot mind.
If this had happened without DC's being present would have a very different spin on it I think. Awful situation

Why does it make any difference whether it was in fornt of children or not? It was abhorrent attack who witnessed it is irrelevant.