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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

694 replies

binrel · 30/07/2012 20:42

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

OP posts:
LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 01/08/2012 19:27

Ligament damage can be worse than a broken bone. At least for me it was, and I've broken damn near half the bones in my body.

Either way, what is freaking me about this story the most is while the brother screamed in agony in front of his kids, he mocked him, and even now is leaving it days to apologise. None of that screams 'I feel terrible about this!'

Especially because he put him in hospital. :(

oliup · 01/08/2012 19:33

One point that has been addressed is what happens if the brother doesn't want to see him this weekend?

merrymouse · 01/08/2012 19:36

I think the saving grace of this whole incident is that it happened publicly, and so can't be hidden from the rest of the family. I think it is all desperately awful for binrel, but I can't see what could excuse her DH's behaviour following the incident.

I also don't really classify a 19 year old as a man. (Which is why for instance 19 year olds have to pay massively high car insurance premiums because they are expected to do things that are rash and a bit stupid - I am assuming that the OP's husband is quite a bit older).

didldidi · 01/08/2012 19:38

Actually there could have potentially been two out of character occurrences that day/week - her DH making a big mistake at work and the violence. - If indeed the former one is true I would be concerned about his overall well-being...

rainbowinthesky · 01/08/2012 19:45

I have never been treated like shit by a man either. Doesn't change my opinion.

ryten · 01/08/2012 19:51

OP you said he intends to go and see your brother to make an apology, has your brother agreed to this because if he doesn't what will you do then?

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 01/08/2012 19:52

Oh God...He's not planning to just show up is he?! If so please, please don't. Tha would be a further violation.

clam · 01/08/2012 20:02

And he's leaving it until the weekend to make this apology? Shock Why so long?

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 01/08/2012 20:13

Because he doesn't feel guilty.

No one who put someone in hospital would wait days to apologise. Not if they didn't feel justified.

pictish · 01/08/2012 20:17

Stop it. None of you have a clue what he is feeling...none of you.

Original poster
binrel · 01/08/2012 20:20

No he isn't going to just turn up, he's tried to phone him tonight but didn't get an answer so he left a message.

His girlfriend however has just sent him an angry email though. He's in too much pain to talk and virtually immobile, (she apparently had to leave him a jug to go to the toilet in whilst she was at work). He won't be able to work so she is going to have to work 6 days a week to make up the shortfall in their income which she is understandably unhappy about. She went on to say that she would be encouraging him to shove his apology where the sun don't shine but that "he is probably stupid enough to forgive you for his sister's sake".

My sister has also phoned and she is also furious.

OP posts:
CeliaFate · 01/08/2012 20:23

binrel I really feel for you. You've taken so much flak in this thread and you've done nothing wrong, yet you will suffer the most fallout.
Has anything been resolved at dh's work? Has he told you whether he'll get the sack or not?

shorttermnamechange · 01/08/2012 20:24

If your husband manages not to get the sack on Friday, then he needs to be making up the shortfall in your brother's income. Not fair that the girlfriend has to work 6 days per week, because your husband is a thug.

Original poster
binrel · 01/08/2012 20:25

No won't here anything til Friday

OP posts:
niujlo · 01/08/2012 20:30

I feel very sorry for the OP, it must be a dreadful situation for her personally. He needs to apoligise to the brother and you could with the girlfriend keeping her beak out as she just seems intent on excerbating the situation.

Original poster
binrel · 01/08/2012 20:31

hear not here sorry

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 01/08/2012 20:32

I disagree that the op has taken lots of flak. I think everybody has sympathised with her awful situation.

Xales · 01/08/2012 20:38

The girlfriend has had to leave the brother with a jug to piss in and is having to work extra until the he is healed for money to support them both due to the violent actions of this man. She has every right to be pissed off and say so. I actually think good on her for saying it like it is.

Unfortunately as OP has already said they are struggling financially right now I don't think they are going to be able to help out!

I hope they can all get over this and move on OP. Just be prepared in case they can't or if it takes a long time!

pictish · 01/08/2012 20:38

I think lots of people have got annopyed because the OP doesn't hate her husband as much as they do.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 01/08/2012 20:39

The girlfriend has very much been affected and it is very much her business. She deserves an apology too tbh, she has to see someone she loves in pain, she has to work extra hours, she has had to drive to pick her bf up, she has to look after him when she should have had time to do her own thing and you think she's sticking her beak in??

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 01/08/2012 20:40

The dh should take out a loan to help them out. If he's actually sorry, how could he not want to help financially?

shorttermnamechange · 01/08/2012 20:41

He could give up takeaways and wine for a start!

LJ29 · 01/08/2012 20:49

How on earth is calling the OPs husband a thug going to help her?

Did ANYONE listen earlier when I said she needs CONSTRUCTIVE advice not a battering from a bunch of judgmental busy bodies.

Sorry but been following this thread since it started and am appauled at the way some of you speak to this lady. She has been left absolutely piggie in the middle of a situation none of us would want to find ourselves in.

Rant over. xxx Lots of love to you OP.

GoldenFucker · 01/08/2012 20:49

OP, how do you feel ?

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/08/2012 20:51

So the DB can't move, is in great pain and has to piss in a jug, but hasn't been back to the hospital.

It just don't smell right.