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AIBU?

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Original poster

to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

694 replies

binrel · 30/07/2012 20:42

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 01/08/2012 14:46

I've had some shit days at work before so has my dh. I am not sure how we can excuse violence like this because of bad days at work.

LJ29 · 01/08/2012 14:51

Why should the condemnation be worse if it had been done to a woman? I thought we lived in an age of equality, we can't have it both ways!

rainbowinthesky · 01/08/2012 14:54

My point is some posters are accepting he had a reason and and it was a mistake but the op can get past this. I wonder if he had done it to one of the dc or the op whether people would seem to think it was understandable in teh same way.

diddl · 01/08/2012 15:00

It´s not an excuse though, is it.

Ops husband is saying that´s what led up to him losing his temper.

OP & BIL can either accept it or not.

PooPooInMyToes · 01/08/2012 15:04

Queen. Jesus! How awful! What happened to your friend?

ll31 · 01/08/2012 15:14

am i only one who wonders if the problems at work are a complete invention to try and excuse behaviour? sm sorry for op tbh..

solidgoldbrass · 01/08/2012 15:16

I wonder if what he did at work was attack a colleague. It really isn't normal for a decent, gentle person to launch such a violent assault on someone else with no preceding indications of a spiteful, dangerous, selfish, nature.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 01/08/2012 15:40

ll31, no, you're not.

PooPooInMyToes · 01/08/2012 16:07

Nope, i wonder that too.

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 01/08/2012 16:15

Me too. I also thought it could just be a lie.

I feel so sad for DB, OP and her children. :(

PooPooInMyToes · 01/08/2012 16:20

Me too lurking, about the lie that is.

GoldenFucker · 01/08/2012 16:23

sgb, that thought crossed my mind too

ryten · 01/08/2012 16:37

I find the story completely believable but I still don't see how anything that happened at his work could justify the level of violence that he inflicted on him. I still want to know what the rest of the family will make of this whole sorry saga.

oliup · 01/08/2012 16:40

Why are people questioning the truthfulness of the DHs account. Does it not seem a reasonable explanation of why a normally peaceful man would snap in such a way as the OP has desrcibed? What evidence is there to the contrary?

GoldenFucker · 01/08/2012 16:43

I think it's quite possible the "big mistake" at work is aggression-related, so not questionning the "truthfulness" as such.

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 01/08/2012 16:46

First of all, there is no 'reasonable' explanation for what this man did.

Secondly, I question the truthfulness of it based purely on gut instinct and the fact that if he has a 'reason,' he can get away with it, as demonstrated here.

Thirdly, what evidence do you have that he is normally a peaceful man? Peaceful men just..Don't do this. They just don't. They escalate. Except in the case of a psychotic break, no one goes from peaceful, normal family man to malicious attack that leaves permanent damage.

I feel the OP is an abused woman. I am extremely worried about her and her DC.

MadamFolly · 01/08/2012 16:50

Queen I'm sorry you had such an awful time. :(

StewieGriffinsMom · 01/08/2012 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jamdonut · 01/08/2012 17:01

I feel better knowing that there was a reason behind his outburst. It doesn't make it go away, and I think everyone in the family is going to find it difficult that this happened.
I am sorry for you,OP, and I really hope your brother and parents will have a little bit of sympathy for you and your husband, under the circumstances.

Golden...why would the "big mistake" at work be agression-related? Could it just be he's made a huge (maybe expensive) error...the way I read it.

I find it difficult to understand how quick some of you are to condemn, without being in possession of all the facts.

Also, some of you od you are so negative and seem to WANT him to be in the wrong, regardless.

I think he deserves a second chance/benefit of the doubt.

TheLightPassenger · 01/08/2012 17:14

yes I'm also worried the OP (and her children) are going to be alienated from her brother and possibly parents over this.Sad.

GoldenFucker · 01/08/2012 17:14

We are all just giving our opinion without all the facts

rainbowinthesky · 01/08/2012 17:17

jamdonut - how can he not be in the wrong? It is inexcusable what he did. A normal adult who has a bad time at work does not then come home and do this.

rainbowinthesky · 01/08/2012 17:19

Isn't domestic violence at a peak when the football is on? Is it okay because those poor men are being affected by football and alcohol? Do we say thank goodness they had a reason to beat the shit out of their wives because their team lost?

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 01/08/2012 17:19

Benefit of the doubt? Yes.

Second chance? I would say the chances of OP's DB and DPs giving him a second chance are so slim they're essentially null. They will shun him from their lives, and DB almost certainly won't forgive OP. Her parents will be fearful for her safety and that of their grandchildren. Hell, I am fearful for their safety!

The OP and the DC have now lost their 'annoying' uncle.

I guess he got what he wanted.

I don't want him to be in the wrong, he IS IN THE WRONG. He viciously attacked her brother over a game of fucking soccer and took glee in his pain in front of his wife and children. The brother would have been screaming at the top of his lungs, that sort of injury is agonizing and life altering.

The OP would be being eaten alive if this was her 19 year old sister.

I am very afraid for the OP and her children. Or should I not be because he put a young man in the hospital, not a young woman and OP only has daughters?

rainbowinthesky · 01/08/2012 17:20

Exactly lurking.