to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

[binrel]

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

No one wants to see a family break up, but the family is already broken up. Maybe not for the dh, but it has for OP. It won't just be forgotten about by the rest of the family no matter how much OP tries to brush it under the carpet.

I believe the DH has quite some work to do, before he has any right to be breaking bread and quaffing wine in the cosy bosom of his family

Whether or not the marriage breaks up or not, I reckon is totally is in his own hands. For many women, however, his violent behaviour and subsequent actions would sound the death knell to it.

McHappy you could equally argue that as things stand now, the DDs will never have Xmas with their grandparents, never have their uncle come to their house, never go with daddy to a family function etc.

You know what? It already is a lifelong thing - for the brother!!!

My mum tore her knee ligaments when she was pregnant with me. I am 33. She still cannot play racquet sports (used to be county level), jog, or shift quickly from side to side without pain. The brother is 19 and may face this kind of injury for the rest of his life.

I actually don't 'specially want the OP to leave her husband but I do want the husband to show a whole lot of remorse and decency, pay for private physio etc. And if he can't, he isn't worth being with.

Also to all those saying the OP should make it up: for one second, stop imagining you are in the wife's position, and imagine you are in OP's mum's position.

What would you feel if your DD's partner smashed up your DS's leg? Would you be happy to have him round? Would you forgive him?

I'm not a mum yet but I think I'd eviscerate anyone who did that to my DS. (Yes, I recognise the irony......!)

as a mum i would hope not take sides. I have a dd and ds.

i would move heaven and earth to try and make both happy.

if my daughter was living with a violent thug, you betcha I would take sides

and it wouldn't be possible to make both happy, without sweeping the actions of said violent thug under the carpet

and tbh, if the adults here couldn't sort it (OP and her violent thug of a husband) my main concern would be for my grandchildren, who are actually the ones without any choice in the matter

The db might not want to be in the same room with his bil again. That would make family gatherings difficult.

I don't see how a mother could avoid taking sides, but that doesn't mean against the OP, it means against the violent aggressive disrespectful thug that injured her son.

And sometimes, "not taking sides" is just plain wrong.

so, you wouldnt take sides - Mchappy -
he injured your son. fair enough. but you dont take sides.
what do you do when your daughter gets injured?
or the grand children?
do you still sit on the fence then?
this man, for what ever reason, lost control and caused a fairly nasty injury to a person who is meant to be part of the family.....what when the children get to that really annoying teen stage? it obviously doesnt take much to push this mans buttons......

Agree vicar and solid gold brass

One of the things we try to teach our children is not to throw a paddy when someone is 'winning' a game. We try to teach them to apologise when they hurt someone. We try to teach them to behave like civilized human beings. One of the best way to teach these things is by example.

OP, I hope your h remembers that and shows your children a better example than he has so far.

No I wouldn't they are both adults and they need sort it out together. Tbh if op takes him back I would want to keep my daughter closer not push her away and also support my son at the same time.

I'm same age as the brother. (Well I turned 20 on the 22nd, but close enough!) As I mentioned before, I have also torn ligaments in my ankle and the consequences will be lifelong.

I was curious about how OP's parents would react due to comments about apologies, bills, making things up etc, so mum and I read through this thread together this morning before she went to work (I'm still on school hollies.)

She literally went white. Her response wasn't even about the brother, she said if this was my brother and I, her fear would lie with me and the grandchildren, living with such an incredibly dangerous man.

Her words:
If he could do that to a kid, soon it'll be okay to do it too his wife, and soon it'll be okay to do it too his daughters.

OP, I agree with SGB too. This is also what my mother said, people don't escalate from normal loving husband/father to permanently damaging someone and sending them to hospital.

Please think of your daughters. very much doubt they're as forgiving of their father as you are. They will be afraid.

To whoever said they need to make up because of the kids: That's just horseshit. Having someone like this out of the house gives them breathing space, not trauma....Like seeing him rip the ligaments in their uncle's leg because he had a tantrum, for example? That's a trauma.

OP I feel sorry for you. More so your kids. So under his thumb you think him bringing you a bottle of wine is such a kind thing to do. Remind's me of women who are so happy their abuser bought them a bunch of flowers.

And you're delusional if you think your parents will ever allow him near your brother or them again.

"So under his thumb you think him bringing you a bottle of wine is such a kind thing to do"

Why do you think that?

I´m baffled as to why people are being so nasty about wine & a takeaway.

And if OP is with an abuser-& has only just realised-where´s the fucking sympathy?

Will some posters only be happy now when she or the children get hurt so they can be smug with their "told you so"?

You can't not pick a side in a situation like this.

Staying out of it = picking the side of the violent bully

It's the same response as "just a domestic, no business of ours".

diddl - people are incredulous about the wine and take away because sitting down to break bread and drink alcohol with a man who deliberately hospitalised a younger, smaller, blameless relative in front of children, and has shown no remorse whatsoever, is a pretty weird response that normalises what happened.

You don't discuss the possible end of your marriage, your brother's injury, your children's trauma, your husband's terrifying and inexcusable loss of control over a bottle of wine.

The offer of the bottle and take away was an offer to put it all behind them.

It shouldn't have been accepted. They are nowhere near putting this behind them.

Looks like it's going under the carpet.

Until next time.

I see it as for me wine is a rare treat. Something I hardly ever have.

Wine, a takeaway and eaten with DP is a lovely treat where we snuggle up, watch a film and get jiggy under the duvet later.

That is the last thing I think OP's H should be rewarded with until this is discussed and sorted.

If you have wine every night and loads of takeaways it probably doesn't seem the same.

Perhaps this is where the differing attitudes come from.

I hope your H was genuinely ashamed and has a complete plan to convey this to those he hurt, scared and upset as well as the wider family this will impact.

It would be great if the op would answer some of the questions raised on here.

PooPoo,thats what bothered me.She didnt really go into details,perhaps she cannot because she isnt able to understand things that are happening.
tiggytape,to me she sounds like she will do almost anything to keep him.Could be wrong.Not sure if she will come back on here or not.

binrel,I hope you have got some answers from your DH.I hope you and your DC are ok this morning.

What a horrible thing to happen. If my dh had done that to my siblings I would urge him to get help for his stress/anger.

It sounds as if your dh had a serious lapse of judgement and allowed his mood and his dislike of your brother to get the better of him. If I was your brother I would never speak to your husband again.
I would also question my relationship because he would not be the man I thought he was.

Hope you can sort things out.

I don't think the OP will be back, actually.
But in case she lurks, good luck with this one.

Sorry OP but i agree with everyone that's giving you a roasting. I'll be watching this and praying you come to your senses.
How would you feel if you DB's GF did this to you and then your DB made you leave early with no apology so he could wine it up with his GF.

If I were the OP I wouldn't come back to a bunch of people I don't know, pretty much insisting I end my marriage.

BUMP IBetOPHasHiddenThisThreadAlready