to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

[binrel]

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

are the mn masses going to pile in and hector op
good thing you're all telling her to hectored or pushed about by dh
hell no she can be derided on mn instead.

I see nothing wrong with a bottle of wine and a take away to discuss this. It will be a relax conversation rather than a heated one.

What's the OP supposed to do? Cook instead for just her? They have to talk, they have to eat. It's out of character for her DH - he's behaved like a complete idiot and she should find out why. Much better to do so (and less dramatic) if she does it with DB somewhere else.

If DH comes back and says "I wish I'd broken his fucking leg" - then I'd agree he's irredeemable.

But - whilst I do not condone his behaviour at all - their marriage and their family deserve a discussion / explanation. The wine and the food are irrelevant.

OP said he's never done anything like this before. She needs to find out why he has and whether they can move on. I don't think she's daft enough to forgive just because he's rocked up with a curry and booze.

I actually don't know if I believe this because there is such a disjoint bt the ops original post and her feelings for brother and now this 'wine and take away' session. Fwiw I wouldn't be saying leave dh etc until you spoke properly to him-but over a bottle of wine? Bizarre if it's true

the agahastness,and is simply hectoring the op
ironic,folk advise her not to be overwhelmed by dh opinion,and his potential sneaky moves
but more than willing to berate her actions and stridently assert what she should do

Maybe I'm too cynical but you don't discuss an incident where one party may have maliciously injured loved brother of another over bottle of wine .

well she did ask

starting a Post makes you fair game on mn?
this is just usual mn cliches
change locks,kick him out,blah blah.strident you go sista posts

If it helps it's fine. Wine and takeaway doesn't mean all is forgotten and forgiven, but it might provide a calm space to talk about it. Unless DH is a complete monster, he will be remorseful. Hope so anyway.

asking for opinuns and reciving them is not 'being fair game' its being given what you asked for.

and its fair to say that some circumstances may very well in some peoples opinuns warrent getting shot of a dh.

I hope op and dh makes it up, because quite frankly the kids shouldn't have there whole lives ripped to pieces with contact arrangement splitting Christmas birthdays and school holidays between 2 parents.

So when you are all quite finish thinking about the short term effects on the kids think of the long term.

This man has had 1 outburst in the whole relationships with his wife and MN thinks she should divorce this man for 1 very stupid mistake.

I was one of the few people who said that this was one incident and he shouldn't be judged on that. And also we don't know if he deliberately tried to injure the brother. I am a bit sceptical of the whole thing I'm afriad.

its not the "mistake" in my opinion thats the problem - its the way he has acted afterwards.

how is the OP ever going to be able to go to any family occasion ever again where her parents, brother and DH are? because if i were her mother, i would be gunning for the twat that landed my son in hospital -

he didnt just injure the lad deliberately - he injured the lad, called him a twat and asked how he like it and then stormed off, made no contact with any of his worried family, did not apologise, and then rocks up a day later with wine and a takeaway?

id not be happy if that were my DH. id be bloody fuming. He has single handedly created the worst possible situation for the OP in any case now - so lets imagine when DB turns 21 and has a big family party - oh....whoops.
when DB gets engaged to his GF....
when DB gets married -
when OP wants to visit parents - even just sunday lunches with the in laws are now going to be so awkward.

if i were the mother of the OP her husband would not be welcome in my house again following a malicious assault on my son.

this was not an accident - the husbands behaviour was dreadful, and remained dreadful.

Unbelievable how some people don't think that a deliberate assault is that big a deal.

I think some of you might be missing how horrible an injury torn ligaments are. It's worse than breaking a bone. If a man put a womans arm in plaster would you honestly be saying its just one outburst and a mistake?

Because this is really no different, in fact you could easily argue it was worse.

I agree with everything vicar said in her last post.

How on earth can they both attend family functions ever again??

see it's all about the brother Vicar what about the family also supporting the OP she is the parent's daughter, sister, ect ect.

why should she have to chooce between her family and her husband.

i would be mortified if my parents would pick my siblings feeling over mine.

How on earth could the girlfriend make things worse? Sounds like you are trying to protect him from the consequences of his actions!

So you've sent your brother off and your husband is coming round after he has gone so hasn't even said sorry to him face to face? What sort of man doesn't say sorry face to face?

Sounds like you are cleaning up his mess for him. Pack the injured party off nice and neatly.

What message does that give your brother?

I was on crutches for months after tearing the ligaments in my ankle. It is not a trivial injury at all.

Vicar's right, it's not just that the assault, it's the refusal to act like a normal human being afterwards. Instead the dh continued to be aggressive, shouting and swearing and storming off AND upsetting his children with his hideous behaviour. Good grief, if a normal grown up upsets children by accident, they are concerned and apologise and try to reassure anyone they have hurt. The dh's behaviour as described here is far more like that of a violent thug. And the brother would be quite within his rights to complain to the police.

If the dh gets away with this, if he refuses to accept that his behaviour was appalling, if he isn't consumed with guilt and fails to put it right, then he's a twat and a twat who is a dangerous person to be around.

its not picking someones feelings though is it - he has caused more than hurt feelings, he hurt the brother physically in a way which would be considered criminal should the brother choose to complain to the police.

i hope he does. being interviewed under caution may teach the DH some bloody humility and decency.

but then again i doubt it.

more crucially, what message does this give to the traumatised OP's children ?

Why should she have to choose between her family and her husband?

Because her husband attacked and seriously injured her brother!

physical feeling V emotinal feelings

imo - the husband has placed the OP in a situation in which she has to choose between her brother/family and him - that is entirely his doing. She should not be in that position - but her husband has seen to it that she is.

and agree with AF.....his 2 little girls saw the whole thing.

i think this discussion will be redundant by tomorrow anyway. Dbrother is out of sight, out of mind, and DH will now be tucking into wine and takeaway. normality will have resumed. how lovely.

so i take it you all want this family unit to break up, leave the OP as a single mother which has to miss christmas with her children perhaps birthdays, easter ect. This for the OP will be a life long thing.

the DD when they get married or cival partnership will have to pick between there father or DM family, when they get there babies christened ( if they do decide to have babies) they will have to chooce again and every joyful event that brings families together will be forever tainted. even closer school plays will mummy go or daddy, who will get the school reports school photos and the list goes on and on

This needs to be sorted asap by everyone

oh yes, nothing makes me happier than the sound of a breaking family unit. like i said, i have a feeling this will be redundant by tomorrow anyway. i wish the op and her little girls the very best of luck, because with a father with a temper like he has displayed i think they may need it.