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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

694 replies

binrel · 30/07/2012 20:42

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

OP posts:
ryten · 31/07/2012 20:12

I can't believe your going to discuss it over a bottle of wine and a take-away as if it were some minor tiff. He has behaved shockingly and your behaviour is rapidly deteriorating.

VicarGoingForGoldInKungFu · 31/07/2012 20:12

i thought this was a kickabout on the back garden with the kids - why are people talking about aggression "on the pitch" and accidents happening while "playing football" ? it wasnt a football match - it was playing with the kids on the back garden - not grown men playing the sunday league Confused

op. you need to not downplay your DH behaviour.

AThingInYourLife · 31/07/2012 20:13

Seriously?

Wine and a fucking take away? Shock

He put your little brother in hospital yesterday.

ryten · 31/07/2012 20:14

Also he deserves nothing less than the best volley his girlfriend can produce, your decision to shovel him away to give you the quiet life is also baffling given the circumstances.

Foshizzle · 31/07/2012 20:24

What AThing said. And in front of your DDs.

I am Shock at this whole thread tbh.

McHappyPants2012 · 31/07/2012 20:31

I have been thinking about this thread and reading it. I retract what I first said.

Now I have thought about it I would be on egg shells for along time, to me the trust has gone and it needs to be rebuilt, I would be worrying if I said or done the wrong thing I would be in the firing line next or even worse the kids.

Op he needs to see what he done was wrong and apologise to your brother, you and his children.

When you talk tonight I would ask him what he plans to do if he feels like losing his temper again

littlebluechair · 31/07/2012 20:49

I hope you don't feel rushed into making everything ok between you and your husband. Listen to him, sure, but he should give you time to process what he says. I am also a bit Hmm at the wine & takeaway aspect - this is a shitty conversation not a cosy chat! Hope you're ok OP.

AnyFuckerWillMakeDoWithBronze · 31/07/2012 20:50

OP, please could you come back and explain what changed your mind between the OP where you were locking out your H and considering whether you wanted to stay married to him, and your decision to have a chat this evening over a takeaway and wine ?

Your H's behaviour after his horrific attack on your DB should really have hardened your heart further against him, not softened it

what is really going on here ?

sugarice · 31/07/2012 20:52

Vicar if you're referring to me with the 'on the pitch' comment I would counter that some males forget what is or isn't an appropriate scene where to play football and they lose a sense of reality. I have a house of teenager males and have banned football in the garden as my usual clan of placid boys lost it and became competitive arseholes, my youngest Son who badly broke a wrist as he raced for a ball he could never really have reached as he didn't want to lose the ball to his bigger brother is a case in point.

No excuses for OP's dh,sorry that is really bad especially with the overhead comment.

ImperialBlether · 31/07/2012 20:55

Surely a bottle of wine and a takeaway are what you have for discussing nice things, not your husband virtually breaking your brother's leg!

BabbleBitch · 31/07/2012 20:57

YANBU

Blood is thicker than water

MadamFolly · 31/07/2012 20:58

Don't eat or drink with him. Its likely to be seen as you making up with him.

thebody · 31/07/2012 20:58

Gosh op I have seen you as the innocent party in all this so far but if you think it's ok to discuss a serious nasty assault on your 19 year old brother over a take away and bottle of wine then think your brother best off without the pair of you.

Personally I expect either the brothers girlfriend or your parents will not let this go do beware playing happy families,, this won't end well...

Socknickingpixie · 31/07/2012 21:09

op, is your brother and the event your children saw seriously only worth a 'talk about' whilst drinking?.

is it advisable to add wine to the mix when talking about a highly emotive subject?

StewieGriffinsMom · 31/07/2012 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mayorquimby · 31/07/2012 21:10

In fairness if he went in two footed there was nothing but an intent to do damage.
As for what happens on the pitch etc. that's all well and good and something I generally agree with, but that's on a pitch in a match. Not in a kicks out in the garden

mayorquimby · 31/07/2012 21:11

*kick about

solidgoldbrass · 31/07/2012 21:22

Bear in mind, OP, that your DDs are probably still upset and scared, and they might not be in a rush to forgive Daddy. I also think it's likely that this man is going to try and pressure you into agreeing with him that nothing bad happened and that your brother 'deserved' the attack.

My advice would be: tread very carefully and keep your phone handy. Because it's possible that your H may become aggressive towards you if you don't immediately accept his version of events. He might well have decided that he doesn't need to actually attack you, but he make sure you remember what happened to your brother and imply that it might happen to anyone else who doesn't acknowledge that your H is the Big Dog's Cock and must be revered and deferred to.

HighJumpingHissy · 31/07/2012 21:24

You're PLACATING him?

Why on earth are YOU so scared of losing someone so cruel, so vile as to 2-foot dive your 19yo DB AND use profane language in front of YOUR DC?

Furthermore not to give a flying fuck about how badly he has been injured.

You are sending your DB off with his 'feisty' GF before she says something that makes it worse?

WTAF?

Your poor brother.

He AT LEAST deserves to see your toerag of a H come and apologise unreservedly to his face.

He deserves YOU, your DB, your parents AND his GF to tear him a new arsehole for what he has done, and what he has FAILED to do since then actually, which has utterly compounded the matter.

Your H ought to have bypassed you entirely the minute he heard what he actually did to your DB.

He should have called your DB straight away and apologised.

He ought to have come back the minute he knew the extent to which he'd assaulted him and faced him LIKE A FUCKING MAN, and say he was sorry and unreservedly so.

A takeaway and a bottle of wine? Shock

He's trying to win you over.... he thinks he'll try and get round you with a curry and a bottle of plonk? Make up sex on the cards too is it? just to reward his thuggishness one more way?

Your brother is worth less to you than £30?

ASTOUNDED.

If I were your DB, i'd not have ANYTHING more to do with you OR your family again, AND i'd call the Police to press charges.

He won't do that, cos he's too young to know what he ought to do in situations like these. I'm sure he'll eventually learn. Sad

Who the hell taught you how to treat people?

bringbacksideburns · 31/07/2012 21:28

Has he apologised to your brother, you and the children he's traumatised yet?

Do you know what, whether he loves or hates your brother, there is no justification in what he did whatsoever. He should be ashamed of himself and the takeaway would stick in my throat tbh

nutellaontoast · 31/07/2012 21:34

So, he's bringing the food and booze, and you're bringing the dustpan and brush to sweep it all under the carpet.

You have never answered the questions about his behaviour generally... fwiw, I think solidgoldbrass is spot on.

Le sigh.

AdoraBell · 31/07/2012 21:39

Haven't been following the thread as such, but I just feel a need to point out to GlassofRose that if marriage vows have been taken then it's highly likely those vows will include the words

To love, honour and cherish.

It's not just about obeying and fitting in with what the husband wants.

My mother took marriage vows. That was good enough for society when all the resulting children turned out to be fucked up by our father's violence. the man who had vowed to love, honour and cherish.

In the developed world the time when a person, male or female, is obliged to put and shut up in the face of mis-treatment because they've exchanged marriage vows is gone.

amillionyears · 31/07/2012 21:42

I think we can see where this is going.

op,please be careful.Look after yourself and your DC.I think you love him.You probably think you dont deserve him.You probably think that this is a one off.You probably think that nothing like this is going to happen again.
The next time it happens,you will say,it is not like the last time.He was stressed,tired,didnt mean to........

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 31/07/2012 21:49

This is actually quite sick.

Doha · 31/07/2012 21:55

So your going to have a wee talk over a takeaway and bottle of wine to discuss your DH's assault on your DB which was witnessed by your DD's!!! Shock Shock Shock.

Beyond belief