to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

[binrel]

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

Women aren't encouraged and supported nearly enough when it comes to punishing men for bad behaviour and making them suffer the consequences. Marriage vows are completely unimportant if a man has started behaving aggressively; the first thing to do is put him out of the house and, if he refuses to accept this, get a court order against him - and obviously, if he responds to being ordered out by further violence, the police should be called to remove him by force.
If a man has made a violent attack on anyone in the household (including invited guests) he needs to face major consequences (at least a few nights forbidden to return to the house, if no charges are to be brought) and to demonstrate clear commitment to making sure he never does it again.

ivana

I get a biscuit for not urging a woman to "leave the bastard" because she's married to him?

None of us on this website yet know what the hell her husband was upset about when he came in or the background. What he did was wrong... but if you've made marriage vows you at least owe it to the person (you said you'd be with forever no matter) to try and work the situation out?

Glass I pray to God you don't have a daughter. :( Your post genunely bought tears to my eyes.

Vows trump the lifelong pain OP's DB will feel? Vows trump the terror of their children (born from vows, I might add?) feel? Vows trump the OP's emotional pain, her fear, her rage, her cluster of emotions?

I'm too disgusted to think of a witty insult. The shame you should feel doesn't even have an analogy.

actually no marrige vows over ride the need to protect people from violence even if your RC a violent person can be deamed to be unable to validly commit properly to the roles and responsabilities of a marrige. its called a st pauls privalige

forgot to add these cases are often heard as a tribunal by a diosean and if they agree you obtain a religious annulment

You cried because I reckon nobody on this website should be telling the OP to leave her husband? Jesus christ.

I'm not saying welcome him with open arms, I'm saying how about find out what the fuck it was all about!

I don't think anyone can or should condone what he did, but I think we should find out the other side of the story before we all urge the ending of a marriage over behaviour that was, in the OP's own words "out of character".
I personally would want to find out what the hell happened that my Husband could do this before I thought about wanting to lock him out, possibly permanently.
If it turns out that this wasn't a one off,and is the culmination of a series of events, well then she should be consulting a divorce lawyer tomorrow, but there seems to be no interest in the husband's version of the matter.

It's too late for his 'version' to mean anything at all; he didn't apologise at the time, he hasn't apologised so far and seems to think that hospitalizing someone by means of a deliberate and vicious attack simply doesn't matter. I certainly wouldn't want a man like this in my home or near my family.

Glass - would you say the same if he had assaulted her in te same way?

The comments here are so sexist its unbelievable!

Any news from DH yet, OP?

Curious to know why he was in such a bad mood. Possibly if he doesn't like your brother, him being there was the cause of his bad mood?

I was moved to tears because of the ridgedness of your comment.

I've never stated she should leave him. I haven't stated my opinion on that aspect at all.

if i had done this either accidently or intentionally i would be compleatly ashamed of myself.
perhaps straight away i may leave due to embarrisment and shame or wanting to remove myself from the children if they were frightoned or upset.
but i would make damn sure that my husband/wife and the brother knew i was sorry i would grovel i would do any thing needed to make sure they knew i would make reparation. i would quite possibly walk into a police station and report myself just incase it would be concidered to be a crime.

i probally would go to work as normal if possible but no way would i leave it with no contact at all not even a hope hes ok and sorry

Excuse me, but I cannot think of a single cause of a bad mood being justification for attacking DB. So, he's lost his job, he has cancer, a family member has died. Does that make it ok to do this? No. It wouldn't be justification if he'd hit OP and it's not justification here. I'm not saying leave him, necessarily, either, but I'm curious to find out how you can justify this violence.

jamdonut

Glass I'm not out for a fight but I honestly can't imagine any circumstance whatsoever in which attacking a 19yo young man in a deliberate and vicious manner would be an appropriate response to something else that happened to you that day.

If the 19yo had, say, attacked your children? Okay.

But I have lost a job - I have seen family members threatened - I have seriously feared my career was going to end - I have had a MC - I have suffered emotional abuse - none of those things would ever make me attack another human being who had nothing to do with it.

My life has really not been that terrible, so maybe I just lack empathy! But honestly, I don't think so.

And as far as I know, marriage vows talk about sickness and health, poverty and riches, and 'for better, for worse' - which I've always understood to be about reverses of fortune. I don't think that covers deliberate physical assault.

I really dislike lynch mobs.

There are so many unknowns which make the 'change the locks' suggestions unwarranted at this stage.

• No one knows what the DH's intention was when he went in for the tackle
• No one knows why the DH was already upset when he got home
• the DH stormed off immediately after the event so quite probably had no idea of the injury he had caused

It is well known that witnesses to events are usually hopelessly unreliable especially when they are emotionally involved.

At the moment what we have is at worst a negligent, careless act. Probably a stupid, clumsy act which had disastrous consequences. However, there is no reliable evidence that the DH intended to injure.

Revolting, whilst I would agree with you to an extent. Seeing as we do not know of DH's reasoning we can't judge what happened properly.

OP said this was uncharacteristic ie. apart from this random incident he is the average non violent bloke.

As for marriage vows, I've heard a few variations but I'm pretty sure they are meant to cover more than lack of health and money issues. Anyway isn't being unable being unable to control your temper a mental health issue?

I think I'll bow out of this thread now.

Good luck OP, wishing your brother a speedy recovery & hope you can work out what is best for yourself and your children

Gnome, there IS evidence that he intended to injure DB! Look at what he said after the incident! And OP told him last night about the injury.

"Isn't being unable to control your temper a mental health issue"

In a person with no diagnosed MH issues ? (I am sure OP would have mentioned that)

The answer to that stupid comment is very obvioulsy no and I would worry about why anyone would try and excuse violence like this with a piss-poor justification like that

"Stupid comment" "piss poor justification"
Do you own a torch as well as pitch fork m'love?

Do you always justify unprovoked violence as a "mental health issue", Glass ?

Because that is one hell of a slap in the face to people with genuine MH issues.

Well regardless of what his intentions were ( I still think he did it on purpose ) he hasn't bothered to apologise

"Isn't being unable to control your temper a mental health issue"

No it bloody isn't !