to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

[binrel]

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

Wow, sorry about your brother but

People need to stop advising posters to lock their significant other out of their own houses. All it takes it one law savy husband to realise that being locked out is actually classed as domestic violence and one report later, hey presto, the significant other is now the victim in the eyes of the law and YOU can be forced to leave the house for 24 hours WITHOUT your children. It's not well known but it's happens.

tumier read OP's original post, or the thread. Or something. There you go you little t--t is hardly a game of football got out of hand. It is deliberate and malicious. OP was perfectly within her rights to ask him to stay away. I'm sure OP's DB is well aware that people get injured in football, but no one would expect /tolerate getting attacked in this manner with the intent to damage someone, as the DH has done, and he hasn't even apologised!!!!!

tumier - even if you accept that nasty injuries can happen accidentally in these situations and people can do more harm than they intended, now that the husband knows what kind of injury he's caused, why the hell is he not appalled at himself and grovelling? If I'd done that to someone I would be utterly mortified as soon as I realised.

lockedkey please justify that statement.

as in my experance a one off incident of locking a person out of a house after THAT person assulted another infront of children could not under any circumstances be concidered to be a domestic violence incident (towards the person locked out).

Sorry if missed a bit op but have you or your brother informed your parents yet??

Will the police be involved? Not sure how some can say this was a football injury? If you read the op it clearly explains that this was a vicious assault during a game of football...

Not sure why this would be perceived as ' just a football injury' by the police, it wouldn't..

Yes, I have heard this can be classed as domestic abuse too.

so because you have heard it, that makes it true does it?

so because you have heard it, that makes it true does it?

Well yes it does if that's the legal situation. I do know that it is a great deal harder to lock people out of the house than you might assume though.

Being locked out of a house is listed as abuse on many websites if you google it

your poor, poor brother, I hope he's got good pain medication. I am shocked people are attemping to downplay or justify this, surely anyone who had injured someone this badly, even if it was an accident would be mortified and apologetic.

I bet no one would be disputing how severe was the 'goading' if it was a 19yr old soccer playing girl.

I played soccer for years before I got sick, half the bloody fun is the teasing! No one every purposely tore ligaments in my ankle though.

BTW I have torn ligaments in my ankle. My ankle is still not as strong, I get terrible pain when the weather changes, my doctor told me I'm likely to have early onset arthritis and it took months, and months, and months to heal. I've had five surgeries for my endometriosis/PCOS and I can tell you it was the most agonizing pain I have ever experienced.

The ankle, I mean.

I'm sure no one actually did, But I swear the snapping sound was so loud.

Utterly ludicrous that people are suggesting it could be in any way the brother's fault. Nothing anybody could ever do could justify being deliberately physically attacked, no matter how annoying they are.

If the brother had been a sister I can guarantee we'd be seeing an entirely different set of responses.

My 14 yo DS plays football. There is nothing more goading than a 14 yo boy playing football, there is name calling, comments about "yer mum"

However none of them have as yet felt the need to injure someone so severely they needed an ambulance and hospital treatment.
And none of them have ever said "thats what you deserve, you twat" or words to that effect if some one is hurt.

It sounds like it runs a lot deeper than goading in a game of football tbh.

locking a person out with no reason as a method of causing them harm or depriving them of a home could possibly be concidered as such, it would be extreamily unusual(unheard off) unless other forms of abuse are also a factor

if you have a legal right to enter a property and a person locks you out the police can attend (not many will) and assist you in entering,this will not enable you to commit a public order offence,and should your entry create a cp/dv risk then you can bet in the absence of a court order saying otherwise the police would err on the side of those at risk and assist those who are vunrable,the locked out person would probally be told to seek an occupation order the next day.

a judge may very well frown about it but in reality under these circumstances its unlikly.

fwiw if i had someone living with me who had legal rights to remain and i requested they do not return,they left the keys and only do so to collect personal items and willingly leave again after doing so,with no threats no violence no nothing other than a request, then no laws have been broken,they have willingly left and if it looked like they may wish to return i would use the first few days of willingly staying away to obtain a court order removing the right to be here

But it wasn´t a soccer match.

It was a play about with children, wasn´t it?

There was no need for the brother to be goading & certainly no need for the husband to tackle!

I'd be interested to learn if the OP's DH has shown any remorse yet. There's no excuse for what he did and, as someone who also tore the ligaments in their ankle, the injury he caused could be permanently disabling. Hardly a proportionate response to a bit of "goading".

Forgot to mention if I ever was able I miss it so much to play soccer again I'd need extensive physio. :(

Actually SGB's point that this behaviour may not have come out of the blue is an interesting one. I always felt that I could supplement the "what's he like to waitresses/waiters/shop assistants on the first date" test by adding a "what's he like on the football pitch"? My experience is men really reveal their true characters on the pitch - from nice, well balanced human being who can moderate their level of competitiveness to the situation in hand (friendly park kick around, ultra-competitive league match) all the way through to unpleasant aggressive borderline psychopathic bullies. Seriously, as I said above, Binrel's opening description was absolute clear on the nature of the tackle (to lighten the mood for a mo: have you thought of a career as a sports journalist?) - it was a two footed, "studs up" (i.e. soles of the feet first), deliberate, premeditated tackle of the sort that anyone who's had any experience of football would know was likely to cause serious injury.

Binrel - how are you doing, and how's your brother doing?

pandemoniaa any person who resides in a property if they have the funds to do so can change the locks to secure the current occupants however they can as a result of a court order or landlord request be obliged to provide the new key to another tenant/landlord.

the onus is on the person who wants to obtain the key taking action to do so.
in the op's suituation im pretty sure if she were to be taken to court and stated 'my children witnessed dh assulting db showing no concern or remorse or regard for dc's presance and then willingly left' that wouldnt be an issue for her.

Plenty of people have done bad things, it doesn't make them bad people.

Erm, yes it does?! What else makes someone a bad person? Admittedly people might express contrition and make amends - then fine - but if you do something horrible to someone else and then storm off and leave them, then yes, you are a 'bad person'. IMO.

I think some posters are just baring in mind he is her husband and they do have children.
This is what makes it even worse.

tbh my DSis2 and her DP are staying with us this weekend. If DBiL up and assaulted me because I teased him, I'd bloody well expect a strong reaction from her, possibly leaving him. Because DB is family as well as DH and the kids!

Revoltingpeasant

Erm, no it doesn't. There may be some acts that are completely unforgivable like murdering someone in cold blood. However, one bad act does not make a bad person.

I understand what you say about being her husband making it worse... however I don't like the way people goad women making important decisions to lock their husbands out or to leave them - they've taken marriage vows.

Think we just have to disagree on this - no harm meant, but for me, the H hasn't committed one bad act. He's assaulted a member of his family, shown no remorse or contrition, made no attempt to apologise, frightened his children, and put his wife in the situation where she feels she has to choose between her little brother and her husband. That is quite a lot!

I do think behaving that way makes you a bad person, but tbh that label probably doesn't help much anyway.

I'm about to get married next month and if STBDH assaulted a member of my family like that he'd be STBXDH. No questions. And similarly, if my dad (don't have bros) attacked DH, I'd cut him off.

Some things are beyond the pale as far as I'm concerned and this is one. I'm not goading the OP to do anything, that's just what I'd do.

im with you on this revolting, as far as im concerned any violent actions unless undertaken to protect yourself/a more vunrable person from actual violence. is a reflection on a persons deep down personality and i wouldnt want a person like that in my life