to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

[binrel]

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

I'm not disputing that DH behaved very badly. If we could turn the clock back, I've no doubt that everyone (including DH) would do so. But we can't. It's obviously a traumatic experince for Binrel, but not IMHO necessarily a DH leaving matter (unless she genuinely thinks that she and the kids are at risk), nor one for the police.....

If your h was truly mortified (or even a bit mortified) surely he would have been trying to contact you last night, desperate to ask after your brother, help with the hospital run/minding the kids, and APOLOGISING A MILLION TIMES!!!!!!

This silence on his part is just compounding the offence, in my opinion.

That YouTube clip is horrific.

Injuries like that are really really painful and often have very long lasting damage. It is very important that the injury is treated properly from day one.

OP, do you think your dh will object to paying for private physio? Unfortunately I know from experience that this is the only way to get as good an outcome as possible for the injury.

(Not to underplay this at all, but this situation really reminds me of The Slap.)

Of course OP's DH was in the wrong. But... I think everyone recognises that sport is a way of channelling aggression and competitiveness but also offers opportunities for attacking another person under the guise of "play".

I wonder if OP's DH thought in some twisted way he wasn't actually attacking the DB, in the way a punch in the face would be, but was making an aggressive tackle that went, accidentally on purpose, a bit wrong.

But I bet he is regretting his actions now and wishes he had simply walked away. He needs to make a grovelling apology and pay financial compensation. I think involving the police would escalate the affair in a really unhelpful way (unless the DB insists on it , and it is his call).

OP, do you think your DH will apologise and make amends to your DB? What does your DB want to happen?

I think Gove genuinely has this idealistic 'Mr Chips' vision of what education should be (forgetting that when grammar schools were universal it didn't really matter if a large number of children didn't succeed at school because they were destined for unskilled labour, and other children were assured a job in 'Daddy's firm' regardless of accomplishments so this system was never required to provide the education that children need today) and does believe that he is doing good.

I am sure that he is imagining that these untrained teachers will be a cross between Robin Williams and Jack Black. (Or maybe these films are a bit modern for him - lets just stick with Mr Chips). However, bearing in mind that there isn't currently funding organised for the secondary school places necessary for children who are in primary school now in many boroughs, I think he's just messing about with things like O'levels and unqualified teachers when he should be covering the basics like "Can I ensure that all children in Britain actually have a school place".

Is he actually solving a problem - are there huge numbers of people gagging to be teachers if only they didn't have to get a qualification?

wrong thread

Ivana. That's a weird question! To try to show us what happened i would imagine! Why else?

Merry. I was rather confused for a moment!

If your h was truly mortified (or even a bit mortified) surely he would have been trying to contact you last night, desperate to ask after your brother, help with the hospital run/minding the kids, and APOLOGISING A MILLION TIMES!!!!!!

Agree

Binrel you don't have to believe that you and your children are at risk of physical harm to decide that this might not be the person you want to live with any longer.

Although the matter has past, I reckon that if one's partner storms out after a violent outburst without keys, that it is perfectly reasonable to lock the door before you settle down for the night. Just as you would if he was potentially out for the night for other reasons. Of course, then you would have had to decide what to do when he eventually turned up at the door, but if he did so in an aggressive manner, you certainly wouldn't have to let him in. Its not illegal to lock your doors at night. Its blooming sensible.

Hope your brother heals well and that you remember the reaction of yourself and your children to witnessing such an attack before letting this man back into your lives.

I am at some of the responses on here, I bet if the brother had been female people would not be excusing violence this way.

I don't think people are excusing violence. Plenty of people have done bad things, it doesn't make them bad people. I think some posters are just baring in mind he is her husband and they do have children. What he did was awful but OP said out of character so personally I wouldn't cry "leave the bastard" considering we aren't aware of anything else surrounding the situation.

His silence says he feels justified in what he has done.

That pretty much ends all excuses.

Madam. Exactly! I've said similar a couple of times but the prejudices seem too deeply ingrained for them to take any noticed.

I for one asked for clarification on the type of tackle. If it was like that youtube clip then that really is a red mist moment and very nasty behaviour.

Can not agree more with Clam on this. Your DH should have been apologising immediately. Even if he was angry a short while to calm down then huge apologies are the only thing I can think would give him the slightest respect.

Poor you and your DB op.

I wonder if the OP has trained herself and children to defer to this man all the time and never 'upset' him? This level of malice and violence doesn't come out of nowhere, and it's compounded by the fact that he appears to be behaving as though nothing much happened and it doesn't matter. That speaks of real entitlement; he appears to feel that anyone who 'winds him up' deserves all they get and he can't be held accountable.

Solid. I agree. I can't imagine that this is the first time something like this has happened.

Just sounds like a game of football has got out of hand as the OP has managed to find a similar incident from a "real" match. If you wind some up whilst playing football there is a good chance that they will go after you and unfortunately some one might get hurt as it has in this case. I think asking him to stay away last night was ridiculously OTT and considering your marriage is farcical.

Did you try to find out what was wrong with your DH,and why he was in such a bad mood? (I may have missed this earlier in the thread)
I am not condoning in any way what he did, that was shocking, but you don't seem to be too interested in what would have caused your husband to behave 'out of character' and to meekly (it seems to me) agree to not come home!! Had something truly awful happened at work?
When he came to get his clothes, you said you only spoke for 2-3 mins, and and in that time told him your brother's prognosis! Did you really not get any apologies or excuses for his behaviour? I find that really odd.